Saturday, December 31, 2016

The Unsaid & the Already Said - First day of the Year

"There are years that ask questions and years that answer. All endings are also beginnings. We just don’t know it at the time. You have to die a few times before you can really live - I feel I have lived & died a trillion times already, answering & asking, & my head and heart now is one stale recycle bin, where there is no "empty trash" option! But there seems to be something still that smells nice out of the stale lot. I could sit and write all kind of stories, but they were not of any worth, until I wrote mine, & I even don't mind if anyone was reading or listening to thee, as I was so much busy myself trying to console myself about every word I wrote, filling in all those gaps , that I edited later, and revised. I could straight away go back to every moment good or bad that I ever belonged to, & it could carry me the same way I did, while I admired not so well written prosed collated vocab, that I tried to refine every time I write something.

There is this greed to be filled with harmony & peace, and acquaint thyself with all the materialistic as well as the non-materialistic. One can choose, but at times the choice is not an option made that easily available. Normal is an ideal. But it’s not reality. Reality is brutal, it’s beautiful, it’s every shade between black and white, and it’s magical. Yes, magical. Because every now and then, it turns nothing into something & then you see everything turning just the opposite in fractions of seconds. Its like paragliding without knowing how to. I sit down, stand, lay down, getting hampered and trying to hamper thee back, shoo away these thoughts that haunt me, and bring about just a giggle or a tear & more out of no where, in that state of saddened stoned state of existence that prevails out of no where, & everywhere and everything just falls apart for that very moment. After you are done with the lateral & the not to lateral thinking, and tormented struggling to keep your head straight dropping dead like Fred, & being like one living dead, as if you were already in hell or heaven (don't know either of there realities, so I assume they might just be very much like mine)

There is a kind of crying, I have experienced, and it is not just crying about something terrible that has happened, but a crying for all of the terrible things that have happened, a crying that cannot be diluted by a brave deed or a kind word, but only by someone holding you as your shoulders shake and your tears run down your face, giving you all the assurances that everything would be all right no matter what. At least if not everyday, once a week, I could fall into a fit of giggles and laugh rolling out load, holding my tummy, falling of the bed. (they said' there was something called happy tears), I so wish!

"First day of the year", is very much the same as the last day of the year, but then there is something about it that touches you to the core. As life gives you a flash back to the tiny of the ugliest or pretty petite and by and large few random good ones, travelling unwillingly to this whole thought process of past & a intuitively worried presumed future' down a memory lane through & through this very unsettled state of mind - a brainy & heartfelt episodes of ones living.

"Fairy tales are more than true: not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." - My story seems to be no less of a fairy tale, I tell you, but I guess fairies have fled away much long back & I have been busy slaying the dragons lately. I wish my guardian angel comes and save me from thee and slaughter these creatures who torment me away every day. I win , I loose, I get high, I get low, I get defeated, other days I am just average normal being, a less average, a below average, above average, & averagely I live life likewise everyday, and everyday is not the same. I seldom close my eyes, & think I made my brain shut, from the odds, if only I could say life is good, good is nice.

My body is the most revolting thing I own. I know this. I have got it bruised a million times emotionally & physically, thinking of it as a beautiful & ugly. Good riddance. Beautiful or ugly cannot contain what this body represents inside out. I am still here. In this body. After countless times of trying to leave it. A fight with myself-struggling to pacify with a hopeful fistful hollow anxieties & dreams that have made me a wanderer, though wondering now & then isn't that wonderful, I could utilize my time & head into a hell lot of other things I possibly could, If I could only settle down on to thee(my life). Its 3 am' I already made it to the first day of the year, glad! - Anonymous

Friday, December 2, 2016

Our Ghosts aren’t eating you alive

"Everything I’ve ever let go of has claw marks on it."- David Foster Wallace

Ants... Automatic negative thoughts... Or u mean haunting creative visions? 

Both of these and everything and everyone else ,the living dead and the dead living in all forms in love and in hatred. Everything that eats thee and the trouble some soul,the desperate one, the frustrated union of thee negate and the surviving existence of the unholy beings. that gets you reluctantly or in ways more feasible, depleting your existence to the merciful platonic and the real. The reel and the invisible.

Get a life u bitchy tramp.

I immediately opened my eyes and furrowed my brows in confusion. "You have no right to say that. Don't tell me how to live my life." The words came out in monotone emotions. You think I'd take you seriously?" Raised an eyebrow and for some reason that I don't understand, I burst into a fit of giggles..and the numbness that had been making me almost not human disappeared.. I can already see the future in this life I chose—long working hours and a lot of sleepless nights. and life wouldn't be so bad at all.

I don’t know how to put it, but I just can’t get it through my head that here and now is really here and now. Or that I am really me. It doesn’t quite hit home. It’s always this way. Only much later on does it ever come together. -  Haruki Murakami

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -  Maya Angelou

If I'm to speak for myself, I'll tell you that the universe is twice as big as we think it is, and you're the only one that made that idea less or more devastating." - Anonymous

tipkali - chipkali(lizard), Preying the Play

"I used to dream about escaping my ordinary life, but my life was never ordinary. I had simply failed to notice how extraordinary it was." - Ransom Riggs

That's a new name given to this lizard that we were having fun with,while it was busy catching its prey in the light we were bothering it to move away by clapping and chutki bajaaying' (snapping fingers) saying tipkali,and it would move. "That's how little kids had fun and got me all engaged in this playful act-a new game".

Kids will be Kids' and they would make you one too! For once, do adapt yourself in there shoes and let the open laces, be open, and you don't need to tie them up, no matter how many times your Moma says you too, (Simply ignore). We go more things to take care of. Moma! let me play na!

Little emotional moment when your name verbally is spoken almost to a perfection suffixed or prefixed by anything else. It was prefixed by ey' before and now its suffixed by uncle' by this little kiddo, who wants to play with you,spending time with you as if he got acquainted with this little kid inside this adult body that his soul could only figure out' and he would call for you, remember you and cry when he couldn't find you.
"I plant roots so deeply in the people I love that I always lose a piece of myself when they go." -  Beau Taplin

What is that feeling when you're driving away from people and they recede on the plain till you see their specks dispersing? - it's the too-huge world vaulting us, and it's good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies.
Bursting into joy of tears, remembering the eventful deed, at the time of the need, is one essential vitamins that gives you a high. You loose nothing, Neither does your age fade away, you are only going to shell out few ounces of your fat, jumping and might shed few numbers from your growing adulthood being. - Anonymous