Epic Shit

A wise man once said, “bees don't waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

Stop waiting for everything to be perfect, to be happy.

If you want to make everyone happy, sell ice cream. 

Being epic is an attitude. We all learn from our lives & life itself is an epic journey. Not necessarily it has to be an exceptionally long and arduous one. Just Do your thing. Don't stop until you're satisfied. Do not harbor regrets of what could have been. Never ask yourself what if.

Becoming an adult is probably the dumbest thing you could do. Funny thing about getting older; Your eyesight starts getting weaker but your ability to see through people's bullshit gets much better. Common-sense is not a gift, its a punishment. Because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it. The more you understand certain things, the more you wish you didn't understood them & it makes you sad. We live in a time where intelligent people are being silenced so that stupid people won’t be offended. You know too much psychology when you cant get mad at people because you understand everyone’s reason for doing everything.

We all go a little mad sometimes. It's too common to fake, & it gets way more complex & uncommon to have a clear mind. We've all become way too choosy & sensitive. It is not necessary to react to everything you notice. Don't be afraid to act like you fucking care.

Choices...But do we decide them, or do they decide us? Its entirely one's choice, how they'd want things to work for them. Sometimes people are so engrossed with their choices, they completely forget about everything & everyone else. Even the strongest feelings expire when ignored & taken for granted. Anyone can stay alone all there life struggling to deal with their decisions & end up presuming & living in a world of there own.

“When you sit in your bathroom on the toilet trying to explode the bowl and in the process you blow up the entire house.” 

No that's not what epic shit is all about. Its more than a phrase. It’s a feeling. It’s coming alive, putting life in your years, having a sense of humor, it’s feeling the fear and doing it anyway, it’s taking risks.  It’s being open to personal growth and opportunities. Its about doing something outside your normal comfort zone or stepping outside your own inner battle to support others. Keep experiences fun and try things in life. 

“If you want something you never had before, you have to do something you've never done before." - Dina Reed

You are dust, and you will return to dust. Fall in love with as many things possible! Go laugh in the places you’ve cried. Change the narrative.

Everything is a piece of shit at the end of the story.

Everything is so damn temporary & goes from good to shitty so fast. 

I hope your story turns out to be one...completely and utterly so.

So, What's the hold up?

Do Epic Shit. Eh!. - Anonymous  

Doggy Style

And now for this very moment (in this particular instant) how stranded my existence(life) had turned over. I had fallen (tripped). “I was on all fours "I rested on my arms & knees, getting into the typical doggie stance (coitus more ferarum).  

"They say a man is judged by what he wears". Since I was only wearing a t-shirt & a piece of cloth underneath, that may untie at any time, I was attempting to conceal as much as I could. I didn't want the situation to become more embarrassing. I did not want anyone to see me naked. Even though I was still acting as if nothing were wrong. I was on the verge of crying, beginning to envision potential negative outcomes. I was quite dissatisfied & resented what had transpired. Cursing what had happened, within I was pleasing for aid & praying for a miracle. I had no idea whether anything else had broken down there or fallen apart anywhere besides myself. It was so difficult for me to accept that I couldn't get up.  

Trust me, the only thing that bothered me was who all would’ve noticed. How could something like this have happened? Why was I stuck with this unnecessary evil? Would anyone come to my rescue soon?

I was relieved to see no canines on the street, especially those who are twice as big as you. Never did I want them to think I was one of them, if not, the task would have been challenging (I don't even want to contemplate). They could do things to you, you don't want.

I still stayed grounded aground.

What an emotional irony. I was unable to stand up & free myself from the grip of clutches of sorts at that very time. With or without anyone noticing, I would have pulled, dragged, crawled & carried myself up if I could have. 

I pleaded guilty while muttering to myself. 'Everything would be ok’

When the woman saw me stumble (fall to the ground), she shrieked & fled in terror, thinking I was one those enormous four-legged creatures(mammals). In few seconds she came out & asked me if I had been harmed & realized I needed help. She instantly let her family know that I had fallen, and assistance was on the way. One person said he couldn't lift me alone because I weighed a lot. Another one tried to pick me up from the shoulders but It didn't quiet worked. I finally managed to pick myself up by grabbing hold of the chair that was brought on my request. The women had a smile on her face while she attempted to explain to me why she ran away at the first place. Well, I told her it was okay, I had pretty much guessed.  

It's likely that few who witnessed this forgot, were amused, or, if not, mocked. The episode lasted for few minutes, but it seemed like an eternity. Thank God it came to an end.

Since you are indeed not a dog, you have lots of power over how this position goes down. - Anonymous

So, next time you are to be taken from behind! Remember customary doggy style or lordosis behavior is not incredibly satisfying. Your arms get tired, and your knees can take a real beating. Its neither the most private nor by far the most favorite position, yet it might leave you begging for more. Do take precautions. 

 

Absolutely Knot

How many heads have got their morals tied up in a knot? 

A trivial one, invertible or the least knotted of all.

Shoe lace was the first one, I was ever taught.

& everything else, ever since, carefully wrought.

How my efforts led to naught, all filed with fraught.

Have I ever murmured at aught? Ask me not.

There are several stories, tied up in one thread. 

Do they knot them before they go to bed? 

Tie me a Knot, Absolutely not. 

I could not knot a needed knot! 

Still learning to tie-untie an absolute-obsolete knot. 

Of all the knots that I’ve learned so far, 

there still exist a few forgotten ones touched not. 

Its not been easy. It’s not been kind. 

Yet to its mercy I was confined

As I make those ropes unwind

I’m not sure if I am here to bind.

How many knots have I untied,

Yet how many continue to bind.

Each strand, like a serpent that brushes aside.

A magic wand, kept beside.

A magic spell could unknot a knotted knot.

If at all I've knotted any or way too many.

I might remember a few still left to rot.  

I must’ve lost the count by now

Knot all the inhibitions those dangle, 

forgotten ones still left untangle.

I've ought, Not all, 

only the ones I sought.

A heart with knotted knots, 

unknotting dismantle thoughts. 

I could be in someone’s heart you see, 

or unknotted from someone’s mind & flee. 

A knottier knottiest knot'

nottier notty not

A snottier, snotty snot

Which ones the knottiest of all?

A carefully knotted knot.

they'd subdivide.

I look deprived,

How I attached myself to those who allied,

The clouds within me that reside,

all deemed their selves so blind.

torment...they saw me hide,

refined, enclosed inside.

Perplexed at its simple-complex... Absolutely Knot. - Anonymous 

Tempted Attempts

I don't want you thinking I'm bothered or anything about last night.

I don't want your phone number, or letters, or postcards. I don't want to get married to you. 

Definitely don't want to have your babies.

Whatever happens tomorrow, we've had today.  

And if we should bump into each other sometime in future, well, that's fine, too.

We'll be friends.

I gave a fuck once, it was terrible.

How beautiful it is to find someone who understands & asks for nothing but your company. Well to be honest, I don't believe in the concept of "fun and friendship" as friendship is a sacrosanct thing for me and it takes time to build that. I’m on a lookout for fun & some friends to make along the way. Preferably both come in one.

Common-sense is rare, necessary and in fact sexy! Courtesy, conversation skills and good sense of humor aren't optional either. Having a dirty mind makes ordinary conversations much more interesting. If we begin right...Literally anything is possible! If you have a abnormal dirty mind, I too have normal hormonal equations not so kind. Let’s fall prey to this curiously enticing infatuation so bad, until it makes us mad.

Erstwhile tormentor of those who talk about ‘looking for something serious’& here again, struggling to express the same sentiment. Life moves in circles, I guess.Tempted Attempts - Even if they stay for a while, enjoy! Learn not to get addicted or offended.A clear rejection is always better than a fake promise. What is meant for you will always find you.“A failure is not a loss. It’s a gain. You learn. You change. You grow.”I know we are bored! So let's figure out, what’s in-stored.Notion - feeding or being fed; huh all that commotion. I hope they stay a little longer this time. And just before they are about to leave, they’ll teach a thing or too for best. If at all there was a slightest of possibility we could make it work, be my guest.“I’d rather like to meet & spend time in real.”Enough tantrums thrown; I’ve given up already doing immature stuff way back & now almost outgrown. What good would it be running behind the bush, hustling & giving ill fate a push. Lets straightaway come to the point. If at all we fairly stand a chance to click & cautiously mingle, no matter how discreet with no strings attached or already in a relationship pretending to be single. We’ve come this far willing to dwell. Maybe they are signals ‘Godsend.’Else We’d always be strangers & being friends so often pretend.It would be nice if it stayed for a while, but just in case if it was momentum, I hope we had a good time together. And if we didn't, never mind. Don't bother to text me ‘nothing but lies.’ Don't expect my text either, even if I wanted to say “f**k off you unapologetic moron for disappointing me & burn in hell.” I don't wanna believe you no more, nor any words you say. I don't even know you & I don't care. It would have turned all boring & sickening; sticking to the same for a longer run, if absolutely nothing could console or replace it evenly again with a good spun. Falling prey to it wasn't peculiarly any different or difficult to understand yet pretentiously promising agreeing to overcome. A short-lived necessary evil that would keep me entertained & let me have some fun.  I read somewhere "Single people use half of their bed for remote’s, phone, pillows & snacks”Must be true.Some of us are really just living . We ain’t dating, we ain’t being a hoe. We don't like no body, nobody likes us. We are just working, eating, sleeping & living life. “You’ll always find me in a keen state of heightened physiological activity; arousal of emotions, looking for ways to fondle through mutual artistic intercourse”.Until I get tempted again, I would be on auto-eroticism mode.” - Anonymous

Perfectly Imperfect

“I am Exhaustipated! (Too tired to give a shit). 

My heart is broken in the face of the stupidity of my species & I've found myself all the more restrained with ropes of customs, mannerisms & etiquettes. I've been restricted, imprisoned, pierced, chained & caged. I've been unclothed thread by thread, forcefully without my consent. Their rage so outrageously contagious that I've even lost the count of knots, I untied & how many still remain”

I'm an eloquent guy with mundane perspective for certain things. I think people avoid me because I look permanently uninterested, unsatisfied & angry but that's just my face. Please talk to me. I’m a nice person. You know what sounds sexy...Receiving the same effort and energy you give. I like consistency, I just don't want to be introduced to vibes that can not be maintained or people who have brains in there heart. I actually lose interest when I see myself trying harder than others & keep distance. 

I am that angry and lonely child of always, that throws you the insult of that angry child of always and warns you; if hypocritically you pat me on the head, I would take that opportunity to steal your wallet. I am  that child of always before the panorama of imminent terror, imminent leprosy, imminent fleas, of offenses and the imminent crime. I am that repulsive child that improvises a bed but of an old cardboard box and waits, certain that you will accompany me. - Reinaldo, Before Night Falls

God made you different. Don't ruin that trying to be like everybody else. 

Most of us live & die in the same corner, not everyone can be most of us. - Oberyn Martell

There are so many great things with equally bad sides. I could love & hate everything about the situation I’m in. I've been through so much, but it doesn't matter because 'I am still here'. I've been wounded, troubled & heart disfigured. Living with contradictions that drives me insane. Life's been courteous at the same time. If only I could paraphrase, change a thing or have it any other way. I've had amazing things & wonderful times.          

"Being footloose has always exhilarated us. it is associated in our minds with escape from history and oppression & law and irksome obligations, with absolute freedom".

Say you have a beautiful shoe but its size is too small for your foot, what would you do to wear it? Vietnamese people would recommend you to "trim the foot to fit the shoe" - Considering & giving more importance to things inconsequential than essential & putting them in wrong order or with wrong priorities. Life itself has shoehorned us into "For me or against me (scenario)" situations which do not leave enough room, either literally or figuratively. Stubborn attachment to a misfit often results in being stuck with an awkward. Huh I've stopped wearing shoes!      

I am not more certain that I breathe, than that the assurance of the wrong or error of any action is often the one unconquerable force which impels me, and alone impels me to its prosecution. As it is, you will easily perceive that I am one of the many uncounted victims. You fancy me mad. Madmen know nothing. The worst is when they make mockery of my horror, but anything was better then this agony! Anything was more tolerable than this derision! I could bear the hypocritical smiles no longer! Deep down, I could hear the beating of my hideous heart louder. I feet that I must scream or die!  you might have misunderstood me altogether. The ghost that has so long overawed me...disappears - I am free. I tremble with the violence of the conflict within me, - of the definite with the indefinite - of the substance with the shadow. But, if the contest have proceeded thus far, it is the shadow which prevails. I struggle in vain. The clock strikes. To-morrow arrives, and with it a more impatient anxiety along with a nameless, a positively fearful, unfathomable craving.- Edgar Allan Poe

I sometimes long for isolation & connection at the same time. If face is that important then I wish we all had same faces because then only we could really see what's really inside. It seems like a never ending retrospective expression outlining the contours of my very being(this bodily imprint.)

Silence and No are our fundamental rights, Needy and Forced is unattractive and unwelcome. 

My fake plants died because I didn't pretend to water them. - Anonymous

Empty Yourself

Oh yes!, empty yourself to your hearts content.

“Life is uncertain, eat your desert first”

Not everything karma will do for you. Learn to insult people when they deserve it.

”I’ve seen tears of the oppressed, and they have no comforter, and power is on the side of the oppressors and they have no comforter. And I know that the dead who've already died are happier than the living...but better than the both is the one who has never been born.

“It took many years of vomiting up all the filth I'd been taught about myself, and half-believed, before I was able to walk on the earth as though I had a right to be there” - James Baldwin 

“Everyone is living their lies somewhere” 

I've seen, good people go bad, smart people go mad. Most people are perfectly content, living in their dreary little worlds. They just cling to the edge of the toilet bowl, trying to keep their heads above water, hoping some fool won't come along to pull the chain. Its only when they hear that flushing sound, and begin to sly down into the abyss that they'd start talking stock at their lives.          

What about the people who are so comfortable in their suffering?  they don't even know that the chain had been pulled. 

I'll paraphrase Thoreau here. "Rather than love, than money, then faith, than fame, than fairness, "give me truth."

Instincts that seem to sense the threat of a loss so huge and irrecoverable that the mind balks at taking its measure.

I’d begin to wonder if I can understand all that anyone is saying any longer, but I catch myself and remember that these are not the ones we grew up with, but people softened by the forced reflection that comes with loss. Still, everything has to be said. And I trust everything has to be done. This is our life.

Travel and tell no one, live a true love story and tell no one, live happily and tell no one, people ruin beautiful things.- Khalil Gibran

I've walked the path of life & I must tell you ...you'll encounter difficulties, but you have to keep an open mind. Don't be the bull endlessly ramming its horns into the corner of the room.

Life is not just about what you do, it's more about how you do it. 

Your mind is very powerful. Saying to yourself what you would be; & then do what you have to do. - Epictetus  

We'll keep ignoring possibilities because of probabilities. Irony at its best and worst!

Well... Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps to the past. There will be things, which will take you down, & lift you back up again. You might be reckless, strong but needy, humble but greedy. You can't always get the best of both worlds.   

Cutting ties with people who constantly hurt you isn’t enough; you must also cut ties with the version of you who allowed that shit to continue as long as it did.  

I’m not afraid of werewolves or vampires or haunted hotels, I’m afraid of what real human beings do to other real human beings.- Walter Jon Williams

So' there you have it, a tale so glorious, it may seem quite spurious...  

Do as you want, do as you hunch. but please remember, 

there's no such thing as a 'Free Lunch'.  

Chin Chin!

  

“We are passively enslaved to this bitter indignation, enjoying our servitude with a crude, animalistic joy, that comes out of having been treated unfairly.”- Anonymous

Bye Bye Mr. Husband

Is it only me getting the panic attacks? Am I a loser? No, I am an emotional fool, just an old school averagely mediocre God fearing lunatic. Just don't judge me. You don't even have to believe a word I say. Pardon! If it sounds ridiculously insane.

No I ain't a surgeon either with a mask & a sanitizer & gloves on, But I so wish I could kill someone right now on the operation table. I am not one of those ideal kitchen friendly ones, but that doesn't implies that I can't cook. It's just that I ain't a chef. I would still be chopping the shit out of everyone else if not me & end up sobbing without onions unless I learn to practice anger & stress management. I could be hired as a model for advertisements related to the pandemic. Apart from other things that I am afraid of, getting vaccinated is one of them.

I would settle down with a cup of tea or coffee & a bowl of maggi watching Netflix, I love blackcurrant ice-cream with raisins or no raisins, I guess a little bit of it won't raise my sins of committing a sinful act of pampering myself once in a while. but I have these cavities that won't let my sweet tooth drool away to one or many. You've just left the health conscious me mouth watering. Yeah right!

My day starts & ends trying to find solace with myself, trying to gather myself into bits & pieces & putting it back to this jigsaw puzzle. The assemblage is a tough job but I survive either trying to fit in or by falling apart, losing & winning between a handful of tasks. Ah! The burden, that I've piled upon myself - You don't even have any idea.

I am on (antidepressants (medications), this depression, stress & anger(outrage) keeps troubling me. Apart from other ailments, I've even got myself consoled & counselled online(may be I paid to get a ear to listen to me). Do I consider this as a middle life crisis or a lesson well taught?

I have been meditating trying to find answers. The visionary nostalgia of moments keeps appearing, troubling me whenever I am doing my prayers - I am learning to shoo them away. I keep seeing these numbers too, that might be of relevance or not. It makes me curious & excited.

The other day after having rice, I suffered few minutes of severe deadly pang of breathlessness. It must have been because of food getting stuck into the windpipe. For a moment, I thought it was my time to bid goodbye, but guess it wasn't. Thank God.

.

My children understand me well. They are settled abroad, we have a well knitted connection. I live with my mother at her house who is a pillar standing by my side & I can't praise her enough for supporting me. It's been a blessing in disguise being born with a silver spoon & brought up(pampered) by loving parents. Now we are the ones looking after each other.

I sometimes get totally fed up of life. My husband's indifference & my mothers constant bickering & everything else turns me into a ping-pong ball & I lose control & react over (petite little things). I find guilt & reasoning scolding me at the end, when I think about it & I beg thee for mercy & excuse(better late than ever). I guess I need better things and people to vent my vacuum out on.

I like being a self dependent & have been a career oriented one. I've been doing decently well being a homemaker as well working from home. It's a blessing in disguise to be busy with things that you love. Keeps you miles away from the nuances of life.

I have been like a shuttlecock after my marriage, trying to switch between, taking turns & pleasing everyone. I have not been perfect, I’ve realized where I went wrong. I have managed to escape being judgmental about others too. I feel perturbed about not being happy like everyone else & getting jealous, envious & sad. I still see the potential in me to chin up & recover from it. I bounce back again, but still there are these phases where you'll find me with a head down. I am still learning to know when I need to keep my foot down. Moments so indifferent, when I just outburst into tears.

The only specie that pesters me is My Husband. I don't hate him, but I can't love him anymore.

It's been more than 7 years of dissonance now, there is nothing left to talk about anymore between us. I have put in all my efforts, trying to become Mrs Understanding & work things out with my husband, but I guess all these imperfections & misunderstandings & no or lack of communication in our so called relationship has just been lingering around in not a very hostile way.

My husband hadn't been there when we needed him the most. Being reluctant of admitting his faults he has been living his life in independently the way he fancies. He intends to offer no financial, emotional help, support or contribution. The indifference & imperfections has turned our so called marriage into a messy halt. There is a disheartening chaos that revolves around in vicious circles pinching me being treated as a doormat & being cursed & blamed for every fault. I hate those looks that he gives me(anger & disgust), negative vibes, verbal fights or silence that kills, adding more oil to the fire. My children complaint about absenteeism (his absence) from their lives. which has lead to feeling of instability & distrust.

Why does everyone take me for granted, Why can't anyone see my sincerity? There are times when negativity triggers my thoughts & I'm unable to find a remote control to shut it off. I have flaws & I have been trying to motivate myself to be a better human being. God is my savior.

"Stirred with peculiarities of happiness & anger in between the calmness & aggressiveness of sorts, I find myself settled, unsettled into the present, with denominations of future & past".

At the end of the day, I know 'I am a woman.' I know my limits & restrictions but still I question thee - Why should guys have all the fun? I still have more questions that I am keen about getting answers for. There are plentiful scars under my skin, that I've experienced & I am really coping up with.

Although my husband has now become an occasional visitor. The less I see him around, the more I feel more at ease(peace). Having him around makes me all the more uneasy. We don't talk anymore, nor exchange any messages now. I've even deleted his number.

I am no more willing to get rehabilitated into a reunion called marriage any more. One is enough for me. If Marriages are made in Heaven, Why do they get broken in hell?- Anonymous, Female, 54