"Sorry I could not keep up to my promises.I wanted to".
My father came & took me away and I went with him thinking that I'd be able to make him understand my viewpoints about life, work, marijuana, spirituality and everything else. I ended up making a fool of myself at home and subsequently became a nuisance in their eyes. All I needed was a little support. I do not blame them for anything. While I was there, I could have started my own fitness thing out of the money that they sent for giving exams and registering subjects. I wanted to be what my father wanted me to be and fulfill his dreams and at the same time wanted to establish myself in the best possible of ways I could, of what I knew best and could do well for a living as well.
"But, I was in the horns of dilemma back then. I wanted the best of both worlds".
So after I and my father came home (him seriously thinking that I had gone nuts because, I was talking about drugs).I tried hard to make them read on stuff that weed actually is not bad as they think it is, because I did not wanted to hide anything from them. But, they did not understand me or even tried to with an open mind and my antics grew day by day, both in size and stupor.
"I stubbed two cigarettes on my wrist in front of my father to prove a point. I even cut myself with blades out of anger".
Then one day in April when I asked them to give the ATM card to get my internet reactivated, they refused. It was night. I was so angry that I left the home early in the morning to meet you and stay with you. I was so high, I took only a couple of clothes and my Gita and weed. I took a phone which they had bought me earlier in hope that I become a sane(slave minded) person again. I thought that I will sell the cellphone and take a refuge & would sit and plan for life ahead. Meanwhile when I was smoking near a temple in the market, (I hadn't left town by then) I got a call from Goddess and she said that your mother is very upset and crying and if I leave now, she might even die.
I went back to home, just because I thought that I cud not give them so much pain since I had already given them a lot by not performing like a genius in college. There my mom cooked the best she could and offer me and brother asked if I wanted to have a pizza. I seriously thought that they had become open minded and were ready to at least make a teeny tiny effort to understand me...but, I was wrong!. My brother tricked me into going to a rehab by saying that they need someone to teach people yoga and they wanna offer you a temporary job. I thought since my father had blatantly refused to sponsor to even start my fitness thing, I'll do it on my own.
"I became claustrophobic."
I was trapped there. With vile, filthy, unbecoming and uncouth close minded strangers. They made twenty of us sleep in a tiny room with no ventilation. I nearly died in the night. The next morning they gave me a pep talk and 'tried' to brainwash me into believing that 'what all they said about narcotics was for my own good, as if they were doing a favor on me. They make people eat feces and make them drink urine in front of all the inmates if someone does not adhere to their rules and regulations. They make people use soap once a week.They make people naked on a whim and make them stay nude for days at a stretch if we voice our opinion. - these three lines are just trailer & I do not want to reveal much.
The great Chanakya says that "No friendship is formed without the expectation of a favor of some kind".
Well. I found a book 'the autobiography of a yogi' in the rehab & It became my constant friend and companion . Surprisingly just a few days after finishing the book, I was released.
You have no idea how much I missed few of the people that I could count on my fingers. Feeling bad of certain things that could never go wrong if I had done that or this. Two hard months of rehab mind programming rendered me senile, neutered & scared like a sacrificial goat. I was even afraid to open up to my old friends, left alone.& scared that they might send me back to that hell hole again.
"God does work in mysterious ways".
Then, I asked my parents what do they want. They said the same, whatever you like to do. I was so angry from inside that I thought of dragging them in the court and I would have won too keeping in mind that nobody can force an adult into a rehab without ones consent. It is akin to kidnapping. But, my alter ego stopped me from stooping so low. I then said that I will complete my course in six months as they wish.They became happy instantly. Now they started saying that once I complete my degree they will help me out with my plans - I believed them. When my exams were nearing an end, one of my friends suggested that I should try for a bank job since they have a lot of vacancies and I was eligible despite my pour record at college. So I asked them if I could try for that. They said yes. I couldn't run off just like that this time you know. I needed to plan long term.
I know it must be hard for someone who loves ones parents deeply to understand this. But, God does not bless everyone with the same blessings in life. My parents are not evil. They are just stubborn and close minded. They believe whatever the papers or television or their social circle says. They never read except the papers so have nil view about how the real world operates and have not a tiny bit of idea about law of attraction.
By December 2013, I had completed my college course and mom and me came back home after staying together for five months there. I passed. Then I presented them with the idea of becoming a Bank PO. They agreed to let me go and have coaching and agreed to let me stay alone. I got coached. I came back and ever since may 2014 have been living at home. Gave five exams. Few of them I didn't clear and for the rest still awaiting results. My father tried to lure me again by saying that I will give you thirty lac which are in your bond after three years of being in the job. then, you could start you thing(whatever you want to). My best guess is that he hoped that I will succumb to slave life that is a 9 to 5 job in three years , get my balls and dreams chopped off and never look towards fitness or writing again. Well I said , No thanks. I don't need your money anymore. I will get it by whatever little I could save in my job and start my own thing side by side. If my dreams come true and things get sorted my way, I will even have no need for the damn job. Whatever happens, I will become the best I can be. So, here we are.
I tried to remember & tried searching chats but I believe in my drunken stupor I had deleted every friend from my list who mattered and every message. I cursed my luck. I hope this is not too boring for you to read. but, one thing I can assure you. this is the truth. I got beaten at rehab for speaking the truth. "I will never return to this family once I go away". I wont cut contacts with them but will not make any effort whatsoever to share whats going on in my life. Nobody dictates what I do or don't do in my life.
For now, I'm laying low and keeping my feelings inside. Being an egotistical bipolar depressive person that I am, I have talked only about me. Thanks for hearing me out. Much love, kisses and hugs - Anonymous, Male, 27, India
