Saturday, February 20, 2016

Curiosities - Pretentious & Undeserved


I often kill my curiosities in the real world, therefore I pretend to be more real on a virtual platform, no matter how fake it all could get. - misleading though, I dream of some often & wonder how real it could get. I wish, I could, be more open, straight forward in approach, at least, there would be a yes or a no, and no hung midway. Why hidden agendas, why this falsehood.

I at times feel so bulldozed deep inside, failing to understand how joyful my inner being would be, if only I could be the same in the outer-skirts(inside-out) of my "that is who I am- that is exactly what I want" living like.

My eyes cant drool over what I want to see/stare, My mouth can't speak what it wants to, my actions cant perform what it feels like - when I want to - its these strings attached, that I always wanted to detach from and do things, I forever wanted. & for all other ones that mischievous myself to the core wanted, they would tag and call me weird, insane and a psycho-neurotic. They could do it, why cant I? They might hide & mask there desirous real life, and mock on there existence with a lame fakes, and call me a culprit. This socio-gender biased peeps, irrespective of color,creed and sex, will never be over with the ill odds of wrongly believing what was good for them and bad/wrong for others.

We could have a long discussion over the "in all but name" world, no matter of how high intellect or low erratic scribbles. But we fail to look into the eyes and speak our heart out pouring it all down on face. We are stingy when it gets to the hearing part, and all that is said and told, seems to be so fake on the contrary, provided there was this knowing inside-out with unconditional appreciation in approach, welcoming everything and anything and sharing that underwent a parallel, in contrast realm of verbal intercourse.

I hide my covetousness, disguised. I turn my blush into a sober smile and stay mum,pause and stop reacting, not uttering anything that would go against me. I am so piled up with everything else, which is not me.

I sometimes fall in for a refuge underneath a lonely strangled stranger(that's what we assume it to be, expecting more to it), but fail to understand - how could a soul be so indifferent to the other in real.

Its simply so worthy of talking to a complete stranger in a curious way, as if we were meant to have this conversation from a long time, destined coming our way at time, when we least expected. The hollowness that surrounds, differentiating the true and untrue hangs on the circumferential diameters of a radius, known, unknown, presumed, assumed, judged, pretended, real, comfortingly fabricated and so on. You don't need to have a real conversation at times, when you could read minds, and understand hearts, but blindfolded with the realization that only selfless could relate and bond. The known are to busy, its not the same with them, since we pretend to know all of them and vice versa, there is no fun in knowing more, and we put our excitements on a halt and move on to the other one. The other one does not either promises a fruitful end result. We are in a constant hunt of trying to revolve around in circles, trying to settle down to whats being served, and once in a while, when we are bored of everything else, we hit on to the newer revised version of what we call" communication", until then everything that underwent a stereotype pause, rewinds, forwards, plays, and exists, but of no avail.

This stigma complexes the very existence, based on falsehood of my very origin and drains all the energy, that could mint in some joy and give compassion to the soulful mimicry of my actions-enacted upon with ease, worrying nothing, doing everything.

My curiosities are often misunderstood and wrongly judged. Sad but true, thy shall be buried with me. - Anonymous

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Calibrating your Joystick

"Just because we increase the speed of information doesn't mean we can increase the speed of decisions. Pondering, reflecting and ruminating are undervalued skills in our culture." - ‪#‎Dale_Dauten‬

"Every dog has a day! & every day has a dog!"
These frequent and fluid fecal evacuations (intestinal disorder), would drain you out at the most weird of hours. I wont take you down to the detailing. I am sure everyone undergoes & understands the equal amount of emotional and physical torture that goes in (and out). There has been this tummy upset days, beside these irritating nose blocks, cough, cold times at the odd intervals. I so wished they just vanished away and disappeared completely. More food and liquids go in, more of everything else seems to come out.
In between these, nuances, hogging on to your favorite set of dish and getting entertained, there is this parallel contrasting human nature to the destiny's sweet and sour act of karma, layering down its piled penetrating onset of illusions - clear and blindfolded set of intellectual & foolish socio-materialistic approach to life. The present, past and future viciously taking you on a roller coaster ride 'merry go around'.
In between everything and anything else, there you stand figuring the mischievous ordeals of life's act, enacting what's there, and whats not, perturbed about the near future, and this present state of trying to indulge yourself and call in everyone to be a part of it to sort it out. Most of the times you stand alone, and at times you bring this fleet of sheep that might have one black or one white, among the contrast full set of intellectual, blissful sane and a fearful idiot.
Very few of them effortlessly come in handy and others are like the ones dug from the grave, back to the surface of the earth and given one fine speech from a scratch. trying to sort them out pretty well with updated version of your existence in abundance light. pity full state, when you know it could be a useless act of time wasting and energy degrading episodes of this circular geometric of time consuming study, no matter how good or bad one would be in the subject. Everyone would have there own theories and everyone else would act if they knew everything else, and other person had no say in anything, and what all he/she did was a mistake, and there were the the rectifiers who would make a difference, and bring about this change. As they say there is absolutely no harm in grooming the sheep, if it comes down to something eventful and with no harm done, with a end result that's pretty much at ease.
Yes true , when you are worried about something that bothers at the back of your head, you feel all the more ill and weak, and everything else sounds pathetically uneventful and makes you all the more restless and you try to avoid all that is necessary. & between the good and evil, no matter how hard you try or care a damn about the nuances that evoke, provoke, involve, evolve & struggle to overcome, what all you can, and would or should. The rest lies there in a perceptively rationale logistics of a logical terminological utter confusion.
People around me are like condensed set of evaporated chaos, settling down to there comforted mess, piled on with that fabulous dress. I wish there could ever see themselves and others with thy naked eye, inside out. Comforted mess imply's they will be in mess, or make it messier for others, on a contrast full of eventful episodes via verbal and action oriented by and large peculiarities of a lifetime span.
No one seems to love the sober you, everyone thinks its there business to poke when all the best they could do is advise, but of no avail action oriented set of packaged deals that wont suffice barter. Its like a re-union of old and and new set of human beings, once again trying to adjust and sort the jigsaw puzzle, by there capable intellect and presumptions based judgmental blame game. Everyone seems to be running after something or the other, despite unaware of the end result, they would push it further, poke in deep, point finger, hump down & calibrate there joysticks.
At times its not easy, and uncomfortable to find comfort in everything around that is going to the nuts.
Choose wisely between your enemies and friends, get sorted. & If it is not in your hands to do away with the enemies, try addressing all the ways you could keep in the friends handy, so you don't stand alone by yourself when you are face to face with your enemy.. I know it can go pretty lousy and stalking at times, when your life, goes public and becomes a talk of the town. there would be more of a times, when you would stand alone, and the ones that don't trust your decision would be strangers, and the ones who would know you more then you could yourself ever, would ever, advise and stand beside. The ones you could blindfold yourself and let it go with are the ones that make life worthy. There will be times, when no one else would take you serious, or consider you righteous, and you would go through those lectured piece of advisory board room, wanking its bulge over your pretty ass. Once all of this and all of that is done, remember it all happened, made you strong, and you learned your way (pretty well) out to the world's busiest en-route called life.
"Statutory warnings are meant to be read, and taken into consideration"

Calibrate your joystick to avoid this Incautious ride! - help each other grow instead of destroying each-other! - Anonymous