Curiosities - Pretentious & Undeserved

I often kill my curiosities in the real world, therefore I pretend to be more real on a virtual platform, no matter how fake it all could get. - misleading though, I dream of some often & wonder how real it could get. I wish, I could, be more open, straight forward in approach, at least, there would be a yes or a no, and no hung midway. Why hidden agendas - why this falsehood? I at times feel so bulldozed deep inside, failing to understand how joyful my inner being would be, if only I could be the same in the outer-skirts(inside-out) of my "that is who I am - that is exactly what I want" living like. My eyes cant drool over what I want to see or stare at, My lips can't speak what they want to, my action oriented being, cant even perform to the fullest of how & what it feels like - when I want to. I so wish, I could detach those strings attached, & do things, the way how I forever wanted to. No matter how, they sounded - whether sober sorted or mischievously-insane crafted(self-drfated). There was so much to the core that existed. Yes, I was only to a limit bothered about those freaks, who would tag me with labels, or call me weird, insane and a psycho-neurotic. They could go about doing that, crossing there limits, if that made them happy, I was no way going to stop them or make them understand or give explanations or either have their self opinionated ones. My question was ‘Why was I put to limits?, why couldn't I? Why do I have to be restrictive? World goes gaga hiding-riding(wearing masks) on to there self-acclaimed abbreviated knowledge of pretentiously deceiving horses (nuances of a self proclaimed deemed fit aspirations) fleeing to there pieces of desirous of bits. How dare could they even call me a culprit, blaming me for anything or mock upon my existence, when I was not even closer to there shameless self-centred lame-fame acts of framing in the ridicule by hook or crook. These psycho socio gender biased ignorant fools, irrespective of color, creed and sex, will never outgrow there limited peculiarity or be over with the ill odds of wrongly believing what was good for them and bad or wrong for others. We could have a long discussion about the "in all but name” world, no matter of how high intellect or low erratic scribbles. But we still fail to look into the eyes and speak our hearts out pouring it all down on face. We are stingy when it gets to the hearing part, and all that is said and told, seems to be so irrelevantly fake on the contrary, provided there was this knowing inside-out with unconditional appreciation in approach, welcoming everything and anything and sharing that underwent a parallel, in contrast realm of verbal intercourse. I hide my covetousness, disguised. I turn my blush into a sober smile and stay mum, pause and stop reacting, not uttering anything that would go against me. I am so piled up with everything else, which is not me. I sometimes fall in for a refuge underneath a lonely strangled stranger, but fail to understand - how could a soul be so indifferent to the other in real. Often scared or afraid of people, who could underestimate or misjudge us wrongly, It often gets simplified or worthy talking & sharing to someone who could really understand or at least reciprocate well. It could be someone you know or a complete stranger. One could get curious & feel as if they were meant(destined) to have this conversation, which always existed in layers(from long)upon but never spoken about. It seldom comes to us as a rescue, but not often, when we least expect. The hollowness that surrounds, differentiating the true and untrue (what to be told & what not) hangs on the circumferential diameters of a radius in bits & pieces of known,-unknown, presumed-assumed or judged, pretentious(fabricated) or real, comfortingly-discomforting and so on. You don't need to have a real conversation at times, when you could read minds, and understand hearts, but blindfolded with the realization that only selfless could relate and bond well. The known are either to busy, or they no longer have to do anything with the knowing anymore - its no more the same with them. Since we pretend to know all and vice versa, there seems no fun knowing anymore, and we put our knowing on a halt and move on to the less known - who don't always promise a fruitful end result. We are in a constantly revolving around in circles, trying to settle down to what’s being served, instead of what we want, and just about when we are bored of it, we make ourselves (with a newer revised version) available in order to find someone deserving who could once and for all be more then willing to understand without any alterations & not having to undergo a series of stereotype pauses, rewinds, forwards, plays in loops. The stigma complexes the very existence. We tend to live in a falsified mimicry, disguising ourselves away from what we really are in origin, draining everything, that could possibly have minted in some joy and value to a less deprived soul. If at all there was compassion & understanding to our actions-enacted upon with ease - worrying nothing & doing everything. My curiosities are often misunderstood and wrongly judged by the plenteously undeserved, & it wont make me sad If I were to take them(buried) with me to the grave. - Anonymous

Calibrating your Joystick

“Just because we increase the speed of information doesn't mean we can increase the speed of decisions. Pondering, reflecting and ruminating are undervalued skills in our culture." - Dale Dauten

"Every dog has a day & every day has a dog! - We are like dogs, we wag our tail, no matter... we win or fail”

These frequent mucus & fecal fluid evacuations would drain you out at the most weird of hours. The amount of mental, emotional and physical torture that goes in and out is painstaking. There has been this tummy upset days, beside these irritating nose blocks, running nose, cough & cold at odd intervals. I so wished they just vanished away and disappeared completely. The more food, liquids & medications go in, more of everything else seems to come out.

Hogging on to your favorite set of dish and getting entertained was not all. There was this parallel contrasting human nature to the destiny's sweet and sour rolled-dice of karma layering you down and piling up this penetrating onset of reality beyond illusions - clear and blindfolded set of intellectual & foolish approach dynamics to life. The present, past and future viciously taking you on a roller coaster ride 'merry go around'.

“No harm done”

Life has its own ordeals of mischevious acts - making you struggle in order to figure out things. Enacting to - what's there and whats not, perturbed about this whole deep-shit state you find yourself strangled in & harder you indulge all by yourself or with an acquaintance, there is absolutely no one else, other then you who would have to take a call. Most of the times it will be you standing alone or at times you would be surrounded by this fleet of sheep. You need to count the heads correctly, choose wisely & find out the one from the lot - Not always would they be what they appear. There is absolutely no harm in grooming the sheep, if it gets necessary. You also need to learn, that you cant always count on them.

"Statutory warnings are not only meant to be read, but also to be taken into consideration"

You need to sort things up & update your version of existence. Growing out of the pity full 
state of useless acts of remorse - summoning up to an extensive hell of a time consuming and energy degrading episodes. Everyone has there good & bad & enacting superficially is a human trail, no matter how things would be otherwise. Its hard to have no say at times & we all learn from our mistakes. If at all there were these rectifiers invented, that could make a difference and bring about a change for good. Yeah! It’s true, when you are worried about something, it would keep bothering you back of your head and anxiety would build up this pressure in your stomach making you feel all the more disturbed & restless and everything else would sound pathetically uneventful making you try to avoid the necessary unecessarily. Between the good and evil, no matter how hard you try not to care a damn about the nuances that evoke, provoke, involve, evolve - you, in an attempt to overcome the struggle, would be left in a perceptively rationale logistics of a logical reasoning, trying to find terminology for this utter confusion. Its not easy, when finding comfort gets uncomfortable.

“People are like condensed set of naked evaporated nuisances, settling down & appearing from nowhere to there confronted rest. No matter how much piled-on with there disgust they'll try to look sorted-sober, wearing masks in ways fanciful, deceiving artificially - fabulously dressed.”

Very few effortlessly come in handy and others are like the ones who seem to have been risen (dug-out) from there grave, to give one fine speech in random viciously circular loops & then back to scratch. No one seems to love the sober you, everyone thinks its there business to poke when all the best they could do is advise, but aren't willing to stand beside & act upon or help. Everything seems like just another blah-blah package deal that wont suffice barter. Everyone seems to be knowing & boasting about there capable intellect but experiences warn us about it being a incompetent mess. They seem to be running into a mad rush(race through the day), not bothered about the end result -pushing it further, poking, digging deeper, fingering & humping, trying to calibrate there joysticks 
more or less. They have this guilt - to which, they just wont confess.

‘Its like a re-union of old and new set of jigsaw puzzle - trying to adjust & fit-in somewhere 
amicably or adversely by itself’. 

Choose wisely between your enemies and friends, get sorted & If it is not in your hands to do away with the enemies, try addressing all the ways you could keep in the friends handy, so you don't stand alone by yourself when you are face to face with enmity. I know it can go pretty lousy and stalking at times, when your life goes public and becomes a talk of the town. There would be  times, when you would stand alone and the ones that don't trust your decision would be the so called known strangers. The ones who would know you more then you could yourself ever, would forever advise the best and stand beside in person or in spirit. They would be the ones you could completely or partially count-on. There will be times, when no one else would take you serious, or consider you righteous enough and you would go through those unasked & unwanted lectured bits & pieces of advise coming at you from all corners - deliberately wanking its load over your pretty face. Once all of this and that is over, remember! It all happened to make you stronger and taught you a lesson for a lifetime - for your own good.

"Enough of hue & cry...I say! ’You just need to learn calibrating yourself, sticking on to thee 
joy’

Calibrate your joystick well...play safe - through & through this incautious ride!. Help each other grow instead of destroying each-other's pride. - Anonymous