Thursday, May 12, 2011
THE GUILT over the years
I did not have a normal upbringing, I was raised by my adoptive parents. Over the years, though nothing was directly said to me. I bore the brunt of temper, anger and peoples greed. Whatever was done to me or given to me, came as a favor. New clothes for festival (Diwali) meant - "poor boy, let us give him some" hand me downs from rich cousins. Well I never had any qualms about it for whatever they have done to me. I am only grateful and I think my this life time will be less to repay their kindness or what they have done to me. today I breathe the air, because someone chose to adopt me.
Eventually I grew up faster than my age, I guess and my sister got married.
It was sometime later, when we all went for a vacation to our ancestral home. My sister was expecting then and she was with other family members then, and I got to share the bedroom with my brother in law. All was well, we were kind of joking and discussing future etc. when we fell asleep.
Sometime during the night I woke up to my brother in-law's arms nudging me. I instinctively put my hand down, only to realize it was touching my brother in laws organ. It was semi hard and in no time it was hard. He put his hand across my pyajamas and pulled the drawstring and slid his hand inside my pyajamas. At the same time he was gently pushing my head towards his crotch and in the darkness my hands could make out his shape and slowly his organ made way to my mouth. It was the first time something like this was happening. I was breathing hard i remember. he kept pushing, sliding in and out of m mouth, while his hands were fondling me. it was something new and I did not know how to react as it happened very quickly.
After the act, he just pulled up his pyjamas and went to sleep turning the other way.
Next morning was normal for him, but my world changed.
Over the years when I visited them again, he made attempts to sleep with me, but I never spent a night again with him. sometimes he would visit our home but I kept my distance
I do feel guilty of what happened and every time I see my sister and him together, I feel jealous, I feel guilty that I shared something very personal that was to my sister.
I am sure you would hate me even more after this. - Anonymous (30 yr(as told), Male, Delhi,India)