BLAME-Game

"Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye." When it comes time to accept the blame don't try to shift the blame over to someone else(" don't pass the buck to someone else)." - Matthew 7:5

I remember myself experiencing a lot of resentment because I had not been the one to create the problem. It was not my fault this was happening. It is no one's fault. However, the inadequacies, anxieties and false beliefs had created many of my problems. Problems being of course my own and others as well. Finally a light bulb went off in my head. If I stopped blaming for everything, then I did not have to stay helpless for the rest of my life. I then and there realized, It doesn't matter how much of a mess someone else has created; you can clean up the mess in your world so you feel good. Emotional health is worth the effort. I was finally at ease. There were those simple things, and the worse ones too (bigger lot). From stupid excuses, explanations to a high potency ones. I could feel it happening around me and with me/against me occurring insidiously sometimes even without words when you sense depression or anxiety. Feeling resentments and regrets assuming you are the cause or vice-versa. This thing has always happened with me and the other person I was addressed by, while being completely strangers or closely known. It happens all the time. The people who are your's would listen to you calmly, and never fight, on the contrary will talk about it in the best possible way to sort it all out.
I am trying to quit getting blamed and blaming other's and have been moderately successful at weaning it down to some extent myself. However, without much forethought, I still find myself picking it up at times when I am tired or feeling sorry for myself. The blame game is addictive.

Try to view your problems as situations that you can explain, rather than complain and blame. I am not asking you to stop blaming people but i am just asking you to find the real things that should be blamed and then deal with them.

"It's like one is saying and other is listening, or both would be fighting." 

Long ago I had big self understanding issues nowadays it takes me less than ten minutes to know at least eight personality traits of a person I just met. The first impression someone forms of me may be something like, “he is a nice guy” or “I like his shirt” while my first impression about him is usually a deep understanding of his personality, to the extent that I might discover things about him that his close friends doesn't know.

For example if you understood where self confidence comes from you will know what lack of confidence feels like and you will be able to understand shyness even more. Fewer bad moods, I am not saying that self understanding will solve your problems but it will help you feel better instead of feeling that you are fighting an enemy that you don’t know. One needs to have a solid self understanding.

Remember in school when you would be sitting in class and the teacher would be giving the lesson, when you and a friend would be talking with each other and the teacher stops and looks at the both of you and scolds you both? Most of the time your friend pointed his finger at you and would say, "He kept talking to me!" Wow! What a way to shift the blame so he wouldn't look bad.

I was at a function one time and there were a couple of men. One was in line behind me (we were in line for a buffet) and he was pointing his finger at another gentleman that was taking more than his share. He said, "Because of him there won't be anything left of the apple crisp!" I reminded him that he too had taken more than his share of cake at a function, and as a result a little girl couldn't get to have any cake.

I remember my friend's son who ate a whole one pound bag of M&Ms. I believe they were the holiday kind. Anyway, he asks his son if he ate the candy and of course his son totally denied eating any of it. He then blamed it on the cat. Later, he came to his dad complaining of a stomachache and confessed to eating the bag of M&Ms.

Adam & Eve in the Garden of Eden is a classic example of pointing the finger at the other person. Genesis 3:9-13 tells us this: "And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou? And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself. And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat." Now here in verse 12 you can picture Adam shifting his feet, moving his eyes, and starting to sweat bullets and probably swallowing really hard because he knows he messed up, that he dropped the ball. So what does he do? Let's look at verse 12 again, "the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat." Looks like Adam is trying to shift the blame onto one other besides the woman. Adam says, "The woman whom thou gavest to be with me." It's almost like he's saying, "You know God it's partly your fault because you gave me this woman." I don't think it would fly though. Continuing on to verse 13 we find: "And the LORD God said unto the woman, What is this that thou hast done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat." Now it's her turn to point the finger as if to say, "Hey God the creepy little creature tricked me so don't go getting on me." Wow! What an example of shifting the blame.

Psalm 32:3-4 tells us that, "When I kept silence, my bones waxed old through my roaring all the day long. For day and night thy hand was heavy upon me: my moisture is turned into the drought of summer. Selah."
We all regularly face the choice to remain stuck or to pursue happier alternatives. This is popularly known as the choice between "being right" and "being happy." I most definitely recommend dropping the should's associated with "being right." for self-righteousness alienates others, is often a shaky unstable prop for one's ego, and leads to unhappiness whenever "wrong" ideas/ people/ actions are in view. If self-righteousness or blame or judgments of any sort persists, being stuck and being unhappy also persist. To summarize, temporary blame is often essential to the permanent release of trauma knots, whereas criticism that persists is clear evidence of being stuck in unhappiness."
"Give up Blaming" Hope it helps you set your spirit free. - Anonymous (Practitioner-Psychologist/Counselor) 40, Goa, India