Thursday, June 30, 2011

FITTING-IN


For the whole of my life, I've lived with my mum, dad, sister and my grandparents. My mum had a car crash at 18 and so my rich grandparents built a house on the end of theirs for us to live in. My grandmother has always hated my Dad, always at each others throat, it made everyone's life difficult until he died in November. she was always very mothering to me and my sister but recently me and my sister have taken the place of her hatred for my dad. I watch my mum sitting there watching TV everyday, doing nothing with her life and i feel so hopeless. I've felt detached from my friends for months now, I've lost motivation to go out, I've always smoked but now it makes me feel ill when I don't have one, same as when i do. I argue with her constantly because she gives away my dad's things as birthday presents to people when they come round or for Xmas. I used to be able to sit in my room for hours and feel ok, but now I feel so bored and depressed the whole time, even when I go out it is not as fun as it used to be. my sister is never home now she has a car and she is the only one i have now really. On the school front things aren't going well either, I used to get good grades but now I am in 11th grade and I'm failing because I missed out year 10 after falling into hospital with a kidney disease. before year 10, everything was normal. I was happy (to a certain extent) but now I live in a broken home, broken family, distant friends, a dull future. I go to an all boys school so I don't have many close girl friends who I can talk to about this and this is not the kinda thing you talk to boy friends about. the sun is shining outside but I'm inside, everyones hanging out in town but it seems pointless to go there. I've seen a counselor before but they just sit there at just repeat everything you've said before which is stupid and I cant go on depression pills because the bad side effects would ruin my upcoming exams! I just don't know what to do, is there any escape?


People judge me all the time but I know they are unenlightened. I keep on trying to get my ideas out there regardless. When the phone rings I feel like I don't even want to pick it up anymore because it just another blah blah blah conversation about petty things in life.

Where is the cooperative, sustainable society that I was looking for? Am I ahead of my time? I see know that I am not an alien but like I said I feel like one. There is only a little common sense in the world.

I get on here because I feel like I don't fit in. I put this under social issues because I believe many people on here feel this way. I get so disillusioned. I am going to explain in depth how I feel. I am posting this here because where else do you go when you feel like an alien in a very very strange world?

My sister and one of my friends is the only one who understands. I tried to talk to 3 of my friends about some of the issue going on like the shooter incident, dead birds and fishes but they just skip over that like I never said it. They start talking about really petty things like oh some person said this to me or whatever.

They will start talking about really petty things like oh some person said this to me or whatever.

I feel like most people would rather see someone suffer than equal out the imbalances in our society. I am just afraid that my fear of rejection from people leads to my apprehensiveness to be close to people and trust them and I might lose out on some great people.- Anonymous (Male)

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