Mr. Lash and I escaped from Beijing without getting lung cancer. I miss my servants, obvsies, but not the smog, crackdown against foreigners, and new restrictions on buying drugs over the counter. I couldn’t get my usual stash of Zopis to bring home in the diplomatic bag, so now I’m on the jetlag express and sleepless in London.
Staying up late watching old movies isn’t sending me to slumber. The dead glam heroines from the upper and downer years of Hollywood keep me awake analyzing them. Clever casting uses an actor’s biography. Men go to bed with Gilda and wake up with self-destructive Rita Hayworth. That's good casting. Bad casting has Gwyneth Paltrow as Sylvia Plath when nobody believes Gwynnie would gas herself over a man. She’d be more likely to bake a cupcake.
You’re supposed to drink camomile tea for insomnia, but the last time I drank camomile it made me dress like a plant. I even considered eating a tofu burger. I don’t want to be lobotomized, just catch up on my beauty sleep. There’s only so much Touch Eclat can do for dark circles.
I had no choice but to visit a witch (like the other Vivien Lash in my evil twin's new book, Spying on Strange Men). She had a bad-tempered cat and nostrils big enough to move in a family of five. She was formerly a groupie to Nick Cave, though I’m not sure if he knows that. She studied witch therapy with the person who taught the person who taught someone I’ve never heard of—not Harry Potter.
The witch was all for blaming Mr. Lash for my sleep problems. And to be fair, it was he who took me to China. But no, he doesn’t accidentally punch me when he’s asleep. That might knock me out at least. "This guy here," she said, banging the table until I checked to see if Mr. Lash was hiding under it, "has work to do on himself." Certainly he has work to do. Not on himself, on account of him being practically perfect. But I kept my mouth shut. Never disagree with a woman who keeps a broomstick handy.
A banishment ritual was in order so I lay on the floor and was covered in stones. The witch rang bells while the cat strolled in to scratch me. "Your cat needs a manicure," I suggested. When my session with the anti-Satan was finally up, she gave me a potion. It didn’t work, probably because I was told to dance naked on the full moon with my cat. I’m shallow not stupid. I know that tickets to the moon haven’t been sold yet.
Next stop, hypnotist-to-the-stars Serena not van der Woodson. It’s not clear if the stars are Venus and Mercury, or Kate Moss and Johnny Depp. Serena told me to imagine I’m on a fluffy pink cloud with loved ones waving at me. I was dying to laugh. Instead I faked a big snoozy trance.
Shelley Von Strunckel, the famous astrologer who teaches meditation in her home, was my next stop. A man in a mask had already made himself comfortable on the sofa when I arrived. Shelley looks like she means business. She told the mad genie in my head to go. And the mad genie clearly didn’t want to mess with Von Strunckel.
It worked. I'm fixed and sleeping. Anyone want some witch’s brew? "Shallow Not Stupidly Yours" - Anonymous
It shall be the same,no matter as far I know It's being accepted, and reciprocated! For It can't go far long one handed, single sides' so you need to know you need to work on it, so it be there and it be all that I ever ask and wish from & expect as little as I could. It wont be long enough that i shall love you no more' for I am an experienced human, a emotional being and I know how badly it hurt's when you love and you don't get back! The wises and the smallest of little petite things maketh a difference, for they are backed by several other reasoning and logic, and practicalities of life and how things would work and how shall they be at resent and what future holds. I crave for you, and I have given you a hint. and for whatever the case it may be with you' I am not willing to come down to anything by love - for that is one thing I have always willing to accept and agree and spread and give. Until I one day find myself so hollow that I be all out of love.
"You might be running late on time, or you might be holding on to you past, for all I know whatever the reasons be, you shall be longing for someone else, or you might still be rooted to the strings of past. For how immature of immature you stand' and you do or do not willingly unwillingly understand the peculiarities of a loving heart - all I know I have been aiming quite high and low at times, for now I am the arrow and you are my dart"
Let it stop, and let it come to end, for I shall not rise, & not let my Love bend, unless I see you abide by my love and realize and comfort me in the way so same, for all I have is love ready to take in the risk, and win or fail at last. For all I know as of now. I am game. whatever u call it, whatever you name' get me close to you and tame' it might all sound at times so lame. whatever it be, whatever it shall, you and me are destined I guess, to take in the risk & gel. there for sure was a reason why we met. here I am ,waiting for you all set.
Enough have I already said, for now the ball is in your court to judge and relation thy you pledge, for I am a mere wanderer lost in love, for I shall subside if no longer you shall be mine, for wandering again for someone else, for something more. For don't call me a dog or a frustrated whore. I have always & shall love everything and everyone from the heartiest core. sweet it maybe, or it might be sour, for all I know, as of now I am pretty much sure!
I await for you, with the open door, to my heart, to my family to my relationship core, I am sure I might be boring at times, but am sweeter, and not sore, there might be thousands of reasons that shall keep us apart, for only I know one, that should make us together is my love and craving for you to find you in my life, as a perfect shore. There shall be many options welcoming you around I know, but I will be the one, shall be your forever, selfless, unconditional, loving to the core. Listen to my roar, I speak out loud, and call you my own. - Anonymous
Not Everyone you could hear I Love You from, or say I Love You has that real significance until what you said, was accepted and emotionally considered and reacted upon with much more excitement and more emotional understanding and care and practicality of logical realities. verbal reactions are interestingly virtual, and imaginative as they might be seen and figured out. But what's true lies beneath the surfaces of folded testimonial self being, well catered and well addressed, with a touch of humor, and a connection that supports you much way longer in reality then virtual, followed by Miss You, and Want to be next to you craving for all this and that and finding all the excuses and ways to be with someone willingly, in admiration of the very fact, tat you could just spend you entire day rejoicing being with someone,who would take you as you are, and shall abide by all the pros and cons of a structural habitual understanding of human sanity and insanity at the same time, no matter how sane, adulterated or selfless/unconditional it be.
Irrespective of caste creed orientation gender bias & all the status quotient. In the process of figuring out the so called relationship that you name and tag it with, no matter how deep understanding of the truer self and thy you shall possess, but eventually it shall only be worth if its served on to thy platter to you & vice verse, with way to much reality & face to face being there, and not distanced love, comfort ,sharing, caring and philosophical interesting backup's with that sense of security,supporting a communication and fetishes of human mind and urges to pacify and conclude, subside let go, keep and put an end to.
There might be at times a wider or a thinner line between fondness and love, and it's all hysterically emotional at times, when you intend to let go look's and you know, you are with a worthy being, that makes you even more worthy of living a life, and not finding yourself alone, with a random number of people that communicate interact and virtually and in real lure you to attributes of personal and attachment syndromes of human psychology.
Thy & Thee, shall be there, for no matter either of them shall live or die, for hard as much as it get's for sometime, you just ain't let go the fact, that you had a worthy relationship,and you shall sit back and rejoice the memoirs of the past & live with them happily ever after - that very few, as little as it was was way beyond a friendship, that changed you & had a significant role and importance in your life. They come and go, & few remember we been part of there lives, few are the ones, that you might recall, shall be at the back of your head, and deep down heart, staying in the corner's or filled with respect, regards & love.
With so much around, and so many asking to be friendly, for whatsoever reasons, denials and acceptance that go handy. with you and them to be in a habit of fooling around or failing in love for real. Presuming , assuming, judging, and still moving on, going on, getting along with the past, present and the coming foreseeing future, and the life goes on, for everyone, here and there, me and you, they and all.
Let thy sit and explain thee, how clear the perspective of life be' for thy brain & heart need to grow, and find peace, away form the immature soul. For you could end up banging your head on the wall or playing flute in front of buffalo, and it shall not solve any' or punch on a boxing bag, to outburst your experienced and well taught and lived assumed amused/ill' hollow/narrow presumed belief's. It ain't worth if you don't gain and muscles, with the push-ups of your state of mind - from where you left it and risen to' if you don't learn form the past, & sit' laid back drowned in the old dig haunted past, and do not accept the newer reasoning?
Positivity in a communication, learning from it, and finding a humor in the little of the things said and done, shall make you find your way to a lovelier you and lovely everyone around, for then you shall know,what love is.
Unconditional it be or thy conditions that come from thy' shall loose the importance, & solve no purpose, and hung it all,putting it to an end- it has to be pure, faithful & good or it has to be nothing at all.
"Some call it an emotional approach of the loner self, for some name it a philosophy of a logical-intellectual mind,some call it a planted/seeded game of a corrupt mind. We all are in a mix, zig & zapped, pulled, flattened, sorted or in a mode of grind. For all I knew forever, So much it' difficult it was to find & figure thy truer/real loving kind" - Anonymous
My Dearest You' Glad to know, you are more then good, more then me.
Just take care. & keep smiling, for I wish you all the wellness in
breathes of thy life remains, and a hug that says I love you no matter
what. And I shall be there beside ,you no matter how real or virtual, I
shall, I will, stay. As long as you would need me' or you won't, I still
would be there in some corner's of the
soulful brainy brawny hearty outer & inner being, walled and
limited, united and adjusted thyself.
In between all the
virtual stigmatic words that were at times a frustrated luring, so
desperate, to love in the flesh and get lost in the realms of sexual
fetishes and pleasures, for I shall never forget, and make you remember.
That my soul was always pure, and honest to I was more curious to
figure out who that heart n soul was, in a body that, craved for mere
more or less known & unknowing. - I so want to hold thee , hug ,
kiss with thy closed eyes - blindly tagged with/as a label of any
textual alphabetically or numerically' as much as a soul, & human
with all thy sanity , experience and wisdom.
As much as I beg
for forgiveness for all the while I was not being myself, or too myself I
was adorned with, for could not suffice your emotional mental and
physical cravings and talk to you or text you back. I hope I shall be
forgiven and understood well, and appreciated for getting back you you,
though a little delayed, but more the merrier, soon thy it all came.
No more pretentious, presumed assumptions judgments, for let thy be
transparent to thee - backed by lured, captivated, chased chaos
experiences and logistics of a peculiar adaptations of a life to thy
habitual habitat - lost somewhere at times, and rejoicing in excitement,
wondering it shall last for a little much time, phrasing tracks and
lines, and limits to my admirable myself, and foolish thee.
Depreciated, Withered & Worn-Off Me, Sincerely Yours lovingly
foolish. learned, de-fragmented experienced, yet use to the so called
back stabbing every time,Myself - (Anonymous)
P.S-Don't hurt or
play with my love/heart/body and dislike and reject my emotions for you
on a misleading mischievous unbelieving note and not so serious all the
time. I don't like it if its not taken & is played with, and never
is it kindly acclaimed and accepted, for else I shall be sorry for
loving thee, as I shall no longer love. Adopt it, if not me & you
shall never be all out of it.
