“I am my own muse. I am the subject I know best. The subject I want to know better.”- Frida Kahlo
"The sun shines not on us but in us. The rivers flow not past, but through us, thrilling, tingling, vibrating every fiber and cell of the substance of our bodies, making them glide and sing."
There could be more or less of things, that might whittle away or stayed for a while at disposal that one drooled over & anxiously spittle.
I rather find it unnecessary to even step out - hunting on a lookout for reasons to amuse me, since I have already been surrounded by the ones that infuse me. Be it self indulgence to an awakening of my four-walled sane ecstasies of self-sufficient pampered roofed or partly insane musings around - so goofed.. Everything (lost & found) that goes, comes around, It's a human tendency - so in-bound.
I often think about ‘how worthy I've been, no matter how heedless or keen. I've already undergone a sufficient amount of reasoning - my life had choicest of taste buds seasoning no different than yours, All the garnishing, varnishing, harnessing - from happily, peppier to sadist of tantrums tarnishing. Did you hear the sounds? The galore or partly deceiving drums. that played in rounds!
I won't talk much about how?, probably you already know by now. You are most welcome, incase you are going to bring me any gift, but pardon me, no use! if at all you are going to engage me in a rift. I enjoy being my own muse, 'I hate being parted.' - If you catch my drift.
There is a remotest of possibility if at all anyone knew you in person other than your own very self, for best or worst. There was a whole wide world out there. You probably have your own world. Don't get me wrong, I ain’t high nosed, I am still grounded - so earthy. My world just doesn't finds you worthy. I sufficed well enough being a loner in solitude & peace with & I had no place vacant for anyone else to possibly hid. Are you going to pay me rent? wow (Well, incase you agreed upon that too, which I assumed you won't), I would still deny. I could empty my head & heart any moment now, but filling you up in would be difficult (that’s what I meant) - I ain’t going to accommodate you, just couldn’t. You could possibly be my guest for a while, but you can't stay in here forever or reconcile.
“Instead of discussing with myself every morning whether I feel inspired or not, I step into my office every day at nine sharp, open the window and politely ask the muse to enter and kiss me. Sometimes she comes in, more often she does not. But she can never claim that she hasn’t found me waiting in the right place.” - Peter Prange
I am still learning to become aware of how my beliefs and emotions color my perception of different events in my life. I am still trying to step out of my fabrications to experience the truth and spaciousness of what is.
Rather thunder on in bleak resistance, Swift to spoil and rigorous to deny, Than as thus to veil the sullen distance, With thy bleared and tear-stained sky.
We get fed-up or feed upon each other - it never stops. At times It gets befriended and at times I find it lost - trying to find it at any cost. The viciousness starts again & I am on the verge of hunting it down. - reaching any bit closer to it, with patience & wit. Agonized to see it disappear in vein & thrilled having found it again. It keeps slipping & running away from my sight & I am again caught up in this plight. I am out of my four-walled dwellings, I am out to this cage, with so much rage. We seem to be not even on the same page. I could, if I would, Oh I should! walk few miles, dismantle few tiles (searching for you) And just about when I thought my life was a less traveled one, I seem to be completely exhausted going places far & distant. Still coping. - I aint done.
‘Ere the limes with ruddy spear-points glimmer, Ere the greenness leap from bush to bush, While the starveling grass grows dim and dimmer, And the folded snowdrops push’
What you are, is what you be, and what you be is what you see. Doesn't matter how you are being acknowledge or looked up as or perceived - you don't have to change yourself for thee. Let the world think of you or take you as whatever it chooses to believe. You are what you make of yourself. You got to believe into something.
I am still trying - no matter how easy or hard it be. Change is not always good or bad - I am going to be better, I am going to be just me. I am going to live, & make it worth. My soul is my best friend forever and I would never let me deceive me.
"Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced."
I am friends with it - At times, It makes everything so easier and light. We quarrel & end up in a fight. It even gets darker & lengthy - I still manage to keep up with my frenzy. We hang in there tight & loose - I am learning to wisely choose.
I am not alone, "I" is always a "we for me" & there is more to it - Anonymous