To say a person is a happy person or an unhappy person is ridiculous. We are a thousand different kinds of people every hour. - Anthony Doerr
I feel stuck in a love triangle with an elusive butterfly with powerful wings and a jaded caterpillar who won’t move their legs further because it’s too cold outside. I feel my raw, animal side, clashing with my comfort seeking-solace yearning interior.
The same old(bored, tired, dulled, exhausted & worn-out, sick, wasted, ‘satiated by overindulgence’) sane prudent me in the insane paranoid world - making great mental demands,(hard to believe, comprehend or solve)difficult to achieve or remember(find or catch) trying to pull up my socks. Its cold with many cold hearts around. I still manage to stay warm somehow. Getting older & growing up - Life is indeed a state, all staged, assuming grass on the other side to be greener always. I wish I could exchange places with a much greener one. It had been autumn for a while now, with just thorns, I would like flowers to blossom really soon.
A Journey of unexplained-unanswered queries in curiosity, that rise within and end often leaving you with “to be or not to be” In attempt to find answers in relevance to the dispersed layers of quoted and coded - A path to vivid thoughtful of imaginations, illuminated in the darkest most that could be.
They say, a little change, could bring about a little spark, having said that, I went for a new hair cut & danced, watching myself do that after ages. Now shaken, stirred & exhausted after the miraculous act of believing & pretending that I could, I had this inner joy & sorrow of doing something that I wanted to, the things that I could have done more often, and things, that I wish I could. For all the different reasons, that made me do what I did or wanted to and bounce back.
If only! I could be stoned or act as if I am dead, in public & I could jump & run and shout or give a flying kiss or deliberately smooch someone. If only I could talk to myself and stare at people or things, I could wrap myself around in leaves and enter a public library. If only! Who is stopping you? If you do not discover yourself or unwrap the chaos inside you, nobody will ever get to know the real you and you will stand in disappointment inside the closed doors & you even figure out what you missed for all the wrong reasons. I have seen many weird people, doing weird things & now I believe being weird was a good thing no matter of what age.
All I want is this happiness deep inside that comes to me naturally and isn't a misguided one.
So tired of this social obligatory (artificial soberness) putting me in a stagnated state of not being myself anymore. Sickened with the fake mirage of expressionists in attempts of figuring the wrongful and the fairest of all. These pretentious quarreling ego games running in a race, where everything seems artificially intellectual yet fake.
There was a moment in my life when I really wanted to kill myself. And there was one other moment when I was close to that. But even in my most jaded times, I had some hope. - Gerard Way
I guess, I could be one of those, different, yet same for ever. Now loving myself for no reason is the best thing I could do, a reason though would just earn you one by itself.
This discomforted comfort, agonized rejoice, painful peace, reality disguised, ruined sorted or jeopardized. No matter how elusive or jaded my remains lie, the child within me never died. Even after I am nowhere, somewhere in the end, the story, just started to thrill & excite - Anonymous.
<Barbarian Boxers, The Rebellious Kettle>
The idea that eating should be a classy act, and one should wear boxers, for that matter wear anything, is a barbarian concept invented by beauty magazines.
Well I could have made myself sit down comfortably, pampering my self to a luxurious self cooked meal - dine in, watching a movie or listening to music or while surfing net, but I decided, I would rather be on the go - carrying on with the chores, & once I was finished with, I could possibly do everything else. I did not wanted things to get piled up for another day. It took me an hour and two, to boil the eggs - peel them up, doing away with the egg shells, making coffee & cleaning the spills here & there & getting all sticky. The kettle needed a good wipe too, to boil potatoes later.
What could suffice a hungry heart? Maybe the answer is everything & anything that you could possibly eat & drink or quenching yourself to the desirous? No matter in what state you were in, you will always find reasons to hog on as little or more - like a bird or a giant creature, because ‘you eat when you are happy, you eat when you are sad’. There goes this paralleled or indifferent trajectories of plateful of playfulness (play-foof-ness). The food does not know, what state you are in; happy or sad, neither does it know as to how much hungry you were? It is there, because it is there, & it needs to be eaten - that’s all it knows, or its going to get spoiled. No matter how well equipped or spoiled we are in our attempts to over joyously or in depression munch those pieces, there would always be something inside us, that would be eating us in bits & pieces.
Now if somebody asked me ‘what keeps you busy?’ I could not in proportions do justice answering to ones query, but I might give them hints by stating “There are hailstorms, tornados & landslides you see...(that possibly you cant see, my bad) that keep me busy all along - inside or in the exteriors around. They surround me - shuffling & sliding me from one part to a task another & they don't(just wont) let me settle down amicably with whatever it be, no matter how hard I tried. We shall always find ways to bond to the unnecessary unsound or sound.
Mediocre humane being is one average fellow who is insane at times & is no different from a dog, that shall wag its tail whenever its offered a bone. ‘There is always something tempting about things that tempt you’ & you shall fall prey to it no matter what. If only I could have saved myself from such ridicule, I would, but who wanted to? We all like being spoilt don't we? I guess no matter, how much of an effort or with no effort it all was, I enjoyed it equally despite criticizing. Now criticizing was something that’s again a human trait & there is nothing perfect, hence it raises complaints. Wallah! ‘God help those who help themselves’ Amen!
These Red Rolling Stones Boxers, with lips, teeth and tongue out insignia pleases me as much as it blushes me to an haww, whenever it deliberately rolls down my waist every time I wear it & no matter how hard I try to hold it around my waist, pulling it up - it eventually found its way down to my feet at the end. damn! its elasticity seems to have expired. I don't wanna do away with it, but wonder how hilariously awkward it would be, if I don't hold on to it and it just falls off, at time, least expected, that too when someone is watching. No way I am going to buckle it up or wear a belt or tuck it in with a safety pin - ‘that's just insane’. It sure is rolling down every time, I am going to be stoned to shame. I better do something about it. Its awkward to watch your pants go down, while you in attempts try to pull it up every time. I had a pretty much sober yet hard days being in them, I guess it was about time I needed to do away with them.
I wonder! if this tempted mouth-watering(an expression of taunting - humorously childish) Rolling Stones "Tongue" or "Sticky Fingers" (a tendency to steal things) meant more then what I eventually presumed. Thanks to Mick Jagger, I am just stuck & caught up between the two.
This so reminded me of "Shame! Shame! Puppy(poppy) shame! All the monkeys (donkeys) know your name!" - A charming expression(taunt) of light hearted remonstration - social transgression or faux pas, a taboo flouted, a line of decency crossed(impropriety). A mild reprimand meaning "you should be ashamed of yourself"." Referring to puppies that aren't "house broken" appearing to be ashamed or expressing guilt when they are reprimanded for making a mess. Monkeys are known for making a lot of chatter, and moving rapidly from tree to tree. In so doing, if their chatter was about someone misbehaving, that news would quickly be spread everywhere. Donkeys may have an added on connotation of the person being or acting like an ass (a fool). Often initiated or sung by ones when they would see another being not sufficiently clothed, specially when they would get a peek of there underwear or absolutely no underwear. The rhyme aims to embarrass one into covering oneself up.
This kettle when plugged in, have been making weird noises. I was boiling eggs, in the middle of the night & while I was busy doing other things, these noises started coming. I realized it was coming from the kettle itself so I went closer to it, to check if at all it made those noises or was it something else. To my surprise I could clearly hear sounds, those sounded like a little new born(juvenile chic) bird softly chirping, peeping-tweeting. What the heck? and after a while, it turned into horrid ghostly haunted whistles & voices. For seconds, I was startled to death, but then realizing it was the kettle doing the mischief, and needed a good cleaning. I noticed a pile of layer of everything stuck & settled on to its base that probably would have been causing the noises, & making it work effectively less, then it generally used to (things were taking ages to heat up real good & quick). Now its back to normal. Enough of those spooky sounds. I would have for once, thought, in my weirdest of imagination, that maybe the people were still alive & possibly being hatched and there was a possibility of one emerging from an egg.’ but that was not the scenario. phew!
Sorry Chicken - Your Eggs Are Mine!
Now all that, had made me even more hungrier, so I ended up boiling water for this tomato soup (pouch). I was glad that the kettle worked uninterrupted(I just gave it a trial). By now, I had settled down and was tucked in to my pyjamas, boxers off you go!. Damn it's cold. I was savoring. gulping down this soup prepared that had spinach, pepper, coriander leaves with a hint of cream & butter. At last!
I’m not strange, weird, off, nor crazy, my reality is just different from yours. - Anonymous
