Monday, December 21, 2015

Elusive Butterfly & a Jaded Caterpillar

The same old, sane prudent me in the insane  paranoid world, trying to ‎pull up my sock. ‬Its cold with many cold hearts around. I still manage to stay warm with thee. Getting older & growing up - Life is indeed a state, all staged, assuming grass on the other side to be greener always. I wish I could exchange places with a much greener one. I wont mind flowers too! fingers crossed!

I feel stuck in a love triangle with an elusive butterfly with powerful wings and a jaded caterpillar who won’t move their legs further because it’s too cold outside. I feel my raw, animal side, clashing with my comfort seeking-solace yearning interior.

A Journey of all my curious questions, that rise within,and end there! , finding answers, starting from within and ending to thee. A path to thy vivid thoughtful Imaginations. Illuminated light In the darkest most. The quoted and coded, relevance of finding thee dispersed layers, in the process.

They say, a little change, can change you, having said that, Hair Cut - I just had one! I danced after ages on a peppy number & a sad melodramatic one, and watch myself as I did that, it's fun. yay! Shaken and stirred, exhausted after the miraculous act of pretending that I could dance pretty well, though I had my own crooked, lame self made steps - I had this inner joy & sorrow of doing something that I wanted to, the things that I could have  done more often, and things, that I wish I could. Of all the different reasons, that let me do, what I did, was to get that little bling in me back, and bounce!

If only! I could be stoned and act as if I am dead, in public, I could jump & run, and shout, and give a flying kiss, or smooch thee. If only I could talk to myself and stare thee, I could wrap myself around in leaves and enter a public library. I have seen many weird people, doing weird things, but I am just being myself. If only! Who is stopping you?

And If you do not discover yourself, if you do not unwrap the chaos inside of you, nobody will ever get to know the real you and you will stand in disappointment at all the closed doors you missed for all the wrong reasons.

I have lived with, strolled by, witnessed, those who say I love you, and the ones who hate all together for no rhyme or reason, and the ones who might just have an agenda, or maybe it's for the heck of it, they are afraid to loose you, for you are the only thing that they are clinging on to, and aware they stand, they shall have nothing and nobody else, if this one was lost. It would forever,irrespective of not having the same love or a feeling of hatred that used to be, or it never was eventually. Maybe it was just a phase that came and went. I don't blame them, its like we all are the culprits, including me - I am not denying that very fact. Now that's how love works in Loveland, you start to loose the fondness & the same sparky tender, puppy love, infatuated inclination - now that too can be because of several reason, many more triangles and squares, and circles that go pathways in motion, lack of sex, lustful or lust less faithfulness or unfair shades of grey. hatred on the other hand has a handful of peculiar thoughtful or unperceived righteous perception of doing it there way. Both can grow, fade, diminish, live & die forever and the viciousness. Ever wondered how many of those you ever heard or reciprocated back, how deep they touched, how often heartfelt, how far and near did they make things end. Conclusive yet dramatic, blunt and pampered was to let you know, thy fondness or fuck you. I can be with you not just because I want you, its because you want me & in the same way, I want to be with you, and not be alone & secluded.

Tired of thee artificial obligatory soberness! Enough of just being not me anymore! Sickened with the fake mirage expressionists. Its just with everyone, I tell you, closest and the far, the
wrongful and the fairest of all. These ego pretending games, and running in a race, where everything seems artificially intellectual yet fake. All I want is to be happy deep inside, with happiness that comes to me naturally and isn't a misguided one. I with no reason to give it a second thought could do what I wanted to, not worried about the socio-ego. No matter of what age I was. Why do we have to stagnate with such obligations, Why are we so lost and sad to be lonely, (Yes we are, no matter how much we deny that) and in constant need for such securities that bind us up altogether.


Discomforted comfort, agonized rejoice, painful peace, reality disguised. No matter how jeopardized and ruined my remains lie, thy child within me never died, and will never ever. Even after I am nowhere, I will be somewhere. The End - Vicious circle!. The story, just started getting excited.
To say a person is a happy person or an unhappy person is ridiculous. We are a thousand different kinds of people every hour. - Anthony Doerr

I guess, I could be one of those, different, yet same for ever.


Now loving myself for no reason is the best thing I could do, a reason though would just earn you one by itself. but not over do it.  - Anonymous



Sunday, December 6, 2015

Barbarian Boxers,The Rebellious Kettle





The ‪idea‬ that ‪eating‬ should be a ‪‎classy act, and one should wear boxers, for that matter wear anything, is a barbarian concept invented by beauty magazines. 


It took me an hour and two, to finish my boiled eggs, along with the cold coffee being churned in the mixer at the same time, and what went side by side, in hand, was cleaning all sort of avoided peeled egg shells, the coffee spills here and there. Giving the kettle a fresh clean, to boil in the potatoes, for later.



Well I could have made myself sit pampering my self to a luxurious meal, dine in, watching a movie, or listening to music, while I surfed the net, but I decided, I would rather be on the go, and carry on with the chores. Now if somebody asks me what keeps me busy, there are hailstorms, and tornados on my mind, that don't let me settle with peace. Well what could suffice a hungry heart, is all that you could eat & drink, quenching thy self. No matter in what state of chaos your mind is, you will always find reasons to hog on to like one chirpy small birdy, or one giant creature. There is nothing best that can give you a land slide, paralleled or in different trajectories of plateful playfulness. From a state of happy, joyful or a molested tormented state of agony those fond ways to get busy with and avoid the unnecessary.



Mediocre humane being is one average fellow who is insane at times, who is no different from a dog, that shall wag its tail whenever its offered a bone. If only I could have saved myself from such ridicule effort, but I guess I enjoyed it equally though criticizing at times. Wallah! "God help those who help themselves" saying Amen to that.



These Red ‪‎Rolling Stones‬ Boxers, with Mouth and Tongue Out insignia pleases me as much as it blushes me to an haww. This thing deliberately rolls down my waist ever time I wear it, and at times off down to my feet. damn elastic. I don't wanna do away with it, but wonder how hilariously awkward it would be, if I don't hold on to it every time, and it just falls off, at time, least expected, that too when someone is watching. No way I am going to buckle it up/wear a belt on thee boxer, or tuck it in with a safety pin, that's just insane. It sure is Rolling down every time, I am going to be stoned to shame, if anything happens. I better do something about it. Its awkward to watch your pants go down, and pull it up.  - Had a pretty much sober yet hard day being in them.



This Kettle when plugged in, have been making weird noises from the time I boiled brown eggs in thee. I went close trying to hear thee. To my surprise it sounded like little new born birds chirping ,what the heck, and after a while it sounded like some horrid ghostly haunted voices. The kettle was not working fine as it used too. I thought of giving it a wash, and clean that unnoticed layer of everything settled on to its base that was keeping it low and it won't heat up properly. Good Lord, thank God, now its back to thy normal state. Enough of those sounds. Sigh, phew!



Settling down to this kettled tomato Soup pouch, gulping down the spinach, pepper, coriander leaves with a hint of cream & butter, settled and tucked in to my pyjamas, boxers off you go!. Damn it's cold.



I’m not strange, weird, off, nor crazy, ‪my reality‬ is just different from yours. - Anonymous