Thursday, October 6, 2016

I Wish

"Each time I’m asked to tell about myself, I find myself starting the same way: ‘My name is so and so and I’m of this age…’but what I’d really like to say is:'My name means island of the ships but once
I found a translation that said I’m a burning shipwreck-not a burning ship but a ship that has caught fire after the wreckage and well, I’d say that’s more fitting.

’I’ve learned that people don’t have time for about-me’s.They need two things: a name and an indication you’re someone special. The doctors, they want facts not details. 'I broke my leg when I was three, it’s a funny story actually-’ The right or the left? Conversation over. The teachers, they want interests, hobbies.You’re sad, yes, but what do you like to do? The adults are a spew of questions. What school do you go to? What classes are you taking? What do you plan on becoming? Got a boyfriend? No, stop.

People my own age are the worst. 'I’m planning on an English degree with a concentration in creative writing.’ Yeah, aren’t we all. So how many times have you, you know, done it? I’m pulled apart, my interests traveling highway 2 my goals at a stop light at traffic hour, my medical history on a billboard for the world to see. But what about me? Where’s the chance to say, 'I hang on to fistfuls of poetry like loose change in my pockets, and I keep waiting for the day that the world turns upside down so I can swim with the stars. I’m not afraid of darkness, it’s a loneliness I can empathize with. It’s the black holes like cigarette burns inside of me that get troublesome. I walk through graveyards and read the dashes between years, each a story I’ll never know. Sometimes I create my own.’ No wonder none of us know who we are anymore."

"I wish I had met you sooner. If you were mine when I was in my youth I never would’ve fallen for that boy in my chem class and cracked my head open on his chest. I couldn’t see straight for 3 weeks after that. And maybe if I had known you since I was a little one I never would’ve gotten sad enough to cut myself, a tick mark in my skin for each time my mother cried. And if we had met two summer’s ago I probably would’ve been asleep in your bed instead of in my big sister’s car when she crashed it and I could’ve twirled my fingers around your hair instead of pulling the strings out of hospital blankets. If we had met just a few months sooner I’d probably never know the taste of too many pills because my mouth would be too busy telling you that I love you.I know that people can’t save you, I’m just saying, I think that if we could go back in time, and kiss before the night the fire in my bedroom washed away the blood stains on my carpet, I wouldn’t know what it’s like to mean it when I say I want to die."

I feel bad for those who lost their inner child. The world needs more adults with young heart, a brave heart, one that's excited and enthusiastic about the wonders of our magnificent world. People who believe in miracles, who believe they can make them happen too. People who can stomach the horrors they witness everyday and give love even when they are never the recipients. People who are kind enough to forgive everyone around them and forgive themselves too when it's the hardest to do so. People who are crazy enough to want to make a difference, even crazier to work for it - Anonymous.

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