Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Hell - Frog Of Well


I am deathly afraid of almost's. Of coming so very close to where I want to be in life that I can almost taste it, almost touch it, then falling just a little short.“

A patient who had a cardiac arrest, throughout the attempted resuscitation, the patient faded in and out. Each time the doctor interrupted the heart massage, the patient appeared to die again. When the man came to, he screamed, "I am in hell!" A look of sheer terror clouded his face. "Don't stop!" he begged. "Don't you understand? I am in hell. Each time you quit I go back to hell! Don't let me go back to hell!"

I often wonder what people will say about me when I'm dead. Will they remember me as a frog?

We have matches for hands, and a paper heart. Gasoline will drip from our mouths and we will call that holy. We will burn at the stake and pollute the sky with smoke and selfishness and we will say it was in the name of a crooked life. We will burn our own bodies to the ground and we will call that sacrifice. We will tear ourselves open like there’s something left inside. - Nobody ever taught us how to live.

They call me a frog of the well. Well if it suits them, it suits me too. Now I wonder often, what shall thee call themselves' a turtle or a fish? Smart Eh!?, they think they are. Sad it is, yet so true, be-fooled jerks of the first order they are the ones, penetrating & poking into everyone else's life.

As the proverb states' The frog is too narrow minded to believe that there may be a bigger picture than what he sees and thinks. He always shows off his geographical knowledge in front of others, yet he is simply an ignorant frog of the bottom of the well. I guess I'll advise him to stop glancing at the sky from the bottom of the well.

I would rather be a frog of the well, yet so profound and experienced to thy wit full act of thing called life, living minimalist, yet no cribbing for the unreachable disguises of thee delirious & befooled insanity. I am better, staying in the well, off & away from the rest of the hell around out of thy well you see! I am glad & happy to have had found my peace in thy world built within thee. I am safe here! I might get killed, if I move out of thee. There's a cruel world out there, everyone steps on and off' now and then, I can smell there aggressiveness and I can hear them coming and going, often, calming down my heartbeat that gets faster and faster, every time, there is this fear of someone wanting to pull me off and away, throw me off, thy distant foreign place. for I shall live, and I shall die, but nowhere else then this well, that I acquire. - I am the king on my well, & they want to compete with me, and strangle me to nothingness of nowhere.  

I might hump, jump go in circles on a roller coaster ride in my well-circumference'd diametrical pace, my place, my life, my rules, my shit' why do they have to go around the bushes to hunt down my well and curse me humping with there sick ideological psychotics , are they on drug' Eh narcotics? My living or my death shall definitely have something to do with them, that's the reason they ponder and creep along every now and then unsettled and unpoised, unconditional & psychotic.

It's kind of funny when I laughed at the shot (video on youtube) where the women jumps and her breasts go everywhere. but its sad as well because I feel like we don't accept nature and how things like how it is but try to hide it when its actually normal.

If You don't know me by now, You will never, never, never know me. No you won't. Eh ! - hums the frog.

Feed off of the hive, But when the people get ready to lay down and die, It's a good day to hide. - Anonymous

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

The Karma - Donkey Dad

Did you ever considered making Donkey as your father, hilarious it is, I know. Literal meaning of this proverb is: if you can't get your work done by legitimate ways, then you are obliged to consider "other" ways.

"As long as I am this or that, I am not all things." quoted Meister Eckhar, Well I not fully agree with the same, on the contrary I would understand that I need to be this and that in order to be the real me. I shall play and enact as a Monkey, a Bee, A tamer, Buffoon, A Pig & everything, everyone else in order to make things fall in place & be benefited.

Karma is a bitch! - "When what goes around comes around, the situation can be difficult to deal with or fix." It is likely a mix of having bad Karma and the idiom Payback's a bitch, where Payback is performed by someone wronged by the now punished person, but Karma just happened to the person for some seemingly righteous reason not necessarily related to a person or physical entity. The bitch part is personifying the concept Karma, which is claimed to have doled out the resulting punishment. It is a taunt aimed at a person who is supposedly asking for the situation he is in, due to his previous actions. So the person saying it, considers the one he says it to or about deserves to be punished because of something they did. For example: someone is so busy pointing and laughing at a person who had an accident, that he walks straight into a lamp post and breaks his nose. His friend who did not find the accident they saw funny, could say "Ain't Karma a bitch?"

Monkey doesn't know the taste of ginger - (That's exactly what it means. A monkey is never going to taste ginger, so he will never be able to appreciate its taste.) Those who don't know, can't appreciate. For example, the English equivalent to this saying about monkeys and ginger (monkeys and ginger would be unknown in England a while ago) is "casting pearls before swine". Throwing pearls at pigs is of no use, because they won't know that they are valuable. The implicit meaning is that someone who will never have the requirement, access or necessity for something, will never know its value. These sayings are used in a disparaging way; pigs and monkeys both are implied to be inferior to those that appreciate pearls and ginger, respectively. This is laughable human hubris.What the feelings of pigs and monkeys are about us lovers of pearls and ginger, we'll never know.

Maybe there's a pig equivalent saying that says - "Stupid humans, they'll never know the joy of rolling about in mud"

No matter how intellectual one ought or sought to be, there is always an eye opener, a little later then never' as they say! Thank God' a friend came to my rescue, who could make me understand that,I needed to pull my socks up, work on the things, that were getting delayed. To be open to open your mouth and say a yes and no on face, to carry your feelings forward and let other know what was in my mind, what I wanted and how I wanted it to work, instead of people letting me take as a granted fool. The peace shall always be there within once you are content with yourself, in reality and not that you keep on pushing chaos further blindfold and don't work on it immediately. Action & reaction - an immediate one need to be worked upon and there shall come no one who will come do that for you. Adding further to it, there as they say that at times you need to make difficult choices, though as much lame or petite they might be.

Considering & making donkey thy your father in order to get you work done - I did started to follow the same thing in action more thoroughly though I always believed and do believe in the same that a donkey can never be a father or take his place for whatever or whatsoever reason it might be considered just and apt for the time being to get things sorted and settled up-to a limit. Well interestingly a Donkeys a Donkey an he for a reason is for what he is we all know that pretty much well.

Likewise, a finger held straight cannot lift "ghee" (butter),you must turn your finger crooked). By hook or by crook, the end justify the means, you can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs. Some problems can only be solved in crooked ways.

When the Molasses is still in its melted form, a fly comes and sits on it. But before the Molasses can dry up, the fly must fly away otherwise it will get stuck in the molasses and die. The problem is, the fly, getting caught in the taste of the sweet molasses, doesn't know when to let go. It happens with us when it comes to greed or lust. We just don't know how to let go in time. Apart from the above, we get carried away in other engagements too. Arguments, worries, grudges, regrets, bitterness are the quicksand that keep dragging us without letting us know when we hit rock bottom. But we must learn how to 'let go'. There are instances when we feel "I could have avoided this if I had just withdrawn myself a wee bit earlier". That's exactly the difference between the fly that dies being stuck in the molasses and the other that tastes it but is quick enough to fly off.

Therefore in order to get across things done for benefit, you need to follow the task full attempt of these follow and work upon agendas, taking insight from the proverbs that precisely fall perfect, coming in handy to a conclusive result oriented sufficed bit, and you experience life, grow and learn from thy.

In times of need one has to bow before the buffoon, A fish and cat see water differently. Water to fish is life and death to cat. - Anonymous

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Memories of March - II


“A random date - curiously excited to thy fate, our longing to mate"

"Last night you were in my room, now my bedsheet smells like you". I decided I won't change it soon enough.

We had our reasons - why we met. I didn't wanted to burden my intuitive mind - expecting and not expecting much at the same time, caught between the conditional & unconditional, I am glad, the participation(the involvement that evolved) was somewhat pleasantly equal. 

While we dwelled into an Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless mind, the moonlight through the night had already kissed our faces & passed, blushing its cast so kind. As we rejoiced to our careless whispers of a carefree indulgence, our comfort had caressed each other through & through whole night long. With expectations that had raised toasts completely erasing everything else, at the end leaving a blank mind, it took a while & eventually lasted until it could completely wind. It was nice - nice is good.

Those random talks about everything & everyone that came & went by! Sharing pictures, thoughts, fond memories, dislikes, likes & hated. How can I forget that mango favored first ever drink that we shared together - that you had brought. We sipped shots of whiskey & I almost had more then a quarter & we weren't drunk. 

It was post midnight, time seem to be flying faster then we expected & had been slipping into wee hours of a stand still night - ‘If at all, I could hold it, I just might’. I never wanted us to doze of snoring, waking up to unworthy so I whispered from far away, when you laid there inches away, waiting for you to move & get up & come close, so I could initiate a talk and maybe we could settle down & lie next to each other even closer. I wanted there to be no space between us. 

“Kissed you a million times, I whispered I was in love, though yes, to soon it was to say - It wasn't even a day. I was infatuated, desperately overwhelmed & caught as if you were my drug(weed) that would wholeheartedly suffice & pacify my urged greed(a need.) It promisingly seemed so apt.”

Lying next to each other, in arms. The whispers, the silence, and the sleep - the laziness that came and left, taking turns while we made love. I could have let you do more to me, and at the same time, done more to you. We could have possibly dwelled into a lot more but I felt this hesitation - I know you felt it too, that was stopping you too & then there was this something the very next minute letting it go. I cherished the time we spent. I did not wanted it to ever end or let go. I could have completely surrendered possibly but there was something inside me that had stopped me to indulge more. I tried to halt, for the next moment, I gave you all. It could have been a lot more but then it was as of now - all said & done. Maybe I wanted to save something for the next time. 

The whole surrender-surrendering was surrender some - & as little it was, with everything else; sealed with a kiss, those mesmerized smooches, the touch of our nude skin, the foreplay & hugs.

In the darkness so still, the ray of light had stopped & spotted us naked - almost wearing nothing in between.

You were the only reason, I did not wanted the night to end so soon or day to rise & shine abruptly(when you would have to go.) There was sleep somewhere settled on the heavy eyelids, which weighed more then the anguished heart, but I tried settling on to the comfort of the silvery clouded outlined love. The night was wild & still young - I still never wanted to sleep.

What we had was mutually - interestingly laid & well played(that’s what I felt). Not to miss the love bytes, that I shall see for another few days & that shall remind me of you, I hope the ones I gave you, would too remind you of me & the time we had. I loved your touch, I loved that we talked, I loved the music, that  we listened to. An involvement - sexual & romantic, somewhere in between lost. I could go about ranting about it and never end. This very moment - what we witnessed or lived & cherished  right now to the core mattered. In hope, that we save more for the next time we meet, if at all - whenever that be. I hope you haven't mistook me for (just another random person).

I wanted to know how you felt - I never got answers, nor did I got any hints whatsoever. I didn't wanted be the only one, pouring out my heart & mind in words, defining my confined-refined moments of nostalgia spent with you. All I hope you felt somewhat similar too.

I stood all this while, trying to overcome the moments whose memories were going to fade sooner or later. Since I haven't heard from you since the time you left - I guess I got my answers. I consoled my awaken self all this while, which probably never existed for you. I felt emotionally drowned with thoughts in remembrance of the forgone time & at last came to a conclusive alert of how I failed to blow a trumpet to your ear that never was interested in any of intellect that it pretended it understood or reciprocated, on the contrary it never existed or was a lame fake pretender(painted with blushful of coated glam - empty & hollow) posing genuine - such a sham.


Despite the ray of hope metaphorically provoked the rhetorical eyelids to shut, heart to stop over pounding in anxiety & running out of all expectations, the widowed windowed light stood there & even the eyelids could not come to my rescue. Memories of March had played a trick - and the time passed so quick.

I just had my bed sheet & everything else changed!

“I guess that’s just part of loving people: You have to give things up. Sometimes you even have to give them up.“ - Anonymous

Friday, March 3, 2017

Memories of March


Adulterated Insanity all trapped in an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - This incarnated soul(me) was still figuring out how sane-insane, sorted, adulterated, ripe or uncooked & childish like(my very being), was excited about the clouded sky with sun rays peeping out of the sky so blue, through clouds in white & dusky hue (ironical shades of grey), I was stuck on to it gazing through a window...Why? I had no clue. Ironical because things never last the same every time, they start, they come, stay for a while & then come to an end, & the very intuitive fear of losing them too soon, makes me sink into myself.

“I want to feel what I feel. What’s mine(least I could be happy to believe, it was). Even if it’s not happiness, whatever that means. Because you’re all you’ve got." - Whatever it is you're seeking won't come in the form you're expecting.

The restaurant I was staying at, was the one I had visited number of times before. I almost knew  half of the staff who were aptly friendly and overwhelming. What else could I possibly need apart from a large bed all to myself for my beauty sleep. A do not disturb tag out on the door. Few annoying phone calls though, but never mind. I had couple of official meetings lined up with people few - old & new. The gift hampers that I had specially made a point to get for everyone; vanilla brownies, chocolate cookies, handmade masala chai & coffee beans - all mixed & matched, wisely chosen along with a thank you note. I was almost through with the meetings. So far - overall a nice ‘time well-spend’God gracious me, couldn't have asked for more!

Its already been more then a week now, since I’ve been here in Mumbai. It was a business trip, followed by a leisure vacation. I always felt good being here - It was like a second home to me & I have always loved this city. There was so much to say, but words wont even if at all, they could, express, how these memories of nostalgic moments had instilled in me an everlasting warmth. I was here again, yet again pouring in & out my admiration for this wondrous phase, adding yet another feather to my nostalgic chase. These Memories of March would come to an end soon as I was to return back home in few days & I was going to miss it badly.

I was out, to shop & roam around a little, dropping by the street hawkers, market & the crowded streets. It felt as if everyone(all the lonely souls)  were out to get something or the other. Spend hours on the Juhu beach, sitting and strolling, wondering-wandering, from one end to another. There was a balloon vendor carrying all shades of primary colored balloons, in a typical folk Maharashtrian attire/ensemble while few others sold bhel-puri, vadaa-pav & there were these ice-cream, kulfi & candy vendors too. Series of pao-bhaji stalls & small fast food restaurants that couldn't be missed. The kids and there playmates and there games, the old & the married, the singlet's and the daters. 

In between those wet and muddy foot prints on the sand, the tides that by now had made my feet & almost wet, piling up layer of soil on to my skin - as I stood there partly wet with my shorts half drenched. The rise & dawn of the sun & the moonlit sky glittering was making everything else appear & disappear again - They same to be following me everywhere I go. Stalker yeah!

A walk to the Iskon temple - standing there bowing, praising lord praying & having parshad & and then escaping form his holy castle, out straight back to the clutches of negate so impure. For how long could I disguise this impure lusty urges - imitating wondrously to a thorough piously pure of thoughts - in and around that I wish could end or suffice in form so true, rather untrue.

My last dinner here as of now, is a Goan fish curry & rice & a bottle of Beer (this restaurant coming to me rescue), which is just below the dormitory reserve(hotel thing) I am staying at.

I am always strangely a stranger at strange places with strangers who are either too estrange or no strangers. 

Sometimes thing happen unexpectedly & never thought this trip could even get more exciting - leaving me with a heavy heart at the end...right just, when I was about to leave. There was this person, I was to meet(destined). Its not like every day you bump into strangers, those kind of ‘leave an impression often...Not everyone does that - with that great force’, like this person did. Became over friendly, as if we knew each other from real long. From remarks being made to being addressed with names, the conversations, the dine-outs, the lost & found & then the found & lost part of the wicked games, the fondness, the comfort, understanding & the bonding.  A piled set of emotions, that this curious friendliness had us both entangled into - this over joyous excitement wrapped strangely to our willingness of knowing each other(the process that followed) in bits & pieces. Through & through - a  nice time spend all together - a fine tuning - turning out to be alike ‘one pilgrimage so eventful.’Lucky me! 

It isn’t possible to love and part. You will wish that it was. You can transmute love, ignore it, muddle it, but you can never pull it out of you. I know by experience that the poets are right: love is eternal.

Much more then words could possibly express or justify - piled in layers...I so wanted to burst loud. Oh let them be! I could have vaguely, to as little of the minutest of tiny details that I could remember had held myself back and stayed mum.

The more you wanted me to stay, more difficult it became to leave.

My heart & my head is heavy - my eyes could pour out oceans right now. I don't know how to swim, but I don't care. I feel loved & this moment, this love, this feeling - this beautiful phase right now. Tears of mixed emotions have contentiously wrapped me & something unexpected raised me from ground and gave me a high.

There is sadness in your eyes, I don't want to say Good Bye! - Anonymous

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Haunted Hormones-Subconscious Tunnels



Sleeping with 206 bones, & waking up with 207 is such a man thing. Now I wonder how miraculous that is. Glad ' I am still a man, although my manhood seldom gets affected by few feminist traits. They say that God is a women, I often confine to thee as well. Now that leaves me with  just one question? Although science insists that crying is natural, culture still sends messages that strong men don't cry. Does that makes me less macho & more effeminate! Why?

Eternal Sunshine Of A Spotless Mind - three days on a drunken sin, I woke up with thee walls around me ,yet so kind. Happy & grieved, deceived-relieved, perceived-revealed lost & found, I have seen the light, still I act so blind. No matter how petite or high they sound. Its nevertheless a roller-coaster ride, a merry go round.

I roll on to my bed at times, with a pillow hugging comfort to thee thoughtful rhymes. It gets darker, though this beam of light I see with a single drowsy eye, tells me it's time to get up & do the right. Have rolled down on the floor, yes true at times. Did anyone said' hungry? Yeah ' I do!, I am. I am just trying to eat & drink ,quenching thee, in between the naps & feeding these empty lines.

Nights are lonelier, only peaceful when I hear no dogs bark & cry, Evenings messier & so much dry, Noons are like feeding Spoons, day dooms, Days busy at bay. If I act nocturnal , its the best time to lay.

Somewhere between the wit full intellect in my desperate attempts, frustrated lust, to thee I often fall prey. Craving still like a little boy who wants a toy to play, sand houses & castles still exist if you really dig harder any day. ,keeping aside the chaos'ed nuances, I follow my heart, less pretentious. I still have to learn to be a perfectionist trying to aim my targeted dart. Its always been a lonelier heart, no friends to play , no one near to be apart.

I had lately led the laziness creep in, & now its difficult trying not let thy seduce me. Though I try not to burn my self on calories & still wish the leanest - I must be.

I no longer can wear my deceased father"s gown, hope he does not look at thee with a saddest frown.I never understood mom's taunted norms. I guess it was then that It all sounded gibberish noun. hope she rests in peace. but now I am verbally sound, muted at times, sober & down. I have matured myself to a clever verby derby, & now my tamed imaginary horses take me high' sigh!  I've got stuck on thee, these imaginary wings so curvy.

Things of the past, the frowns and the drowns, the red nosed clowns, shelves with dust & spider webs, money &;the debts,  lizards hunting while they rest, playful rats, sinful cats, rich , poor, ordinary foolish men, women,  brats, from illusionary runways to the buckled straps, that tie me down to the holiest craps. Midlife crisis, that rolls me to dices, alerts & signals and there warnings best sighted. I am hiding in my cocooned nest. Sunshine & twinkles in there own bloomy fest. shades of grey with hinted hues, difficult to digest. holistic murmurs enchanted to the core, here I tell you my real, reel & superficial folklore. I thought! I became a saint, but they still call me a whore. Sweet, peppery, salty - I am - a little soar.

With what ever suffices me now, no matter how, I try to be as cheerful as I could be, I try to make the most if it ,as humble as I should be.

Happened to have already lived my life with petite things & people that sufficed me. I love thee, & thy loves me back(those are the things inside me). Limited to my choicest of taste bud curiosities, I anguish thee. I surrender to thy, who surrenders to me. Strange' yet true! 'Love changes everything' it might be you, it might be me. - Anonymous