Adulterated Insanity all trapped in an Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - This incarnated soul(me) was still figuring out how sane-insane, sorted, adulterated, ripe or uncooked & childish like(my very being), was excited about the clouded sky with sun rays peeping out of the sky so blue, through clouds in white & dusky hue (ironical shades of grey), I was stuck on to it gazing through a window...Why? I had no clue. Ironical because things never last the same every time, they start, they come, stay for a while & then come to an end, & the very intuitive fear of losing them too soon, makes me sink into myself.
“I want to feel what I feel. What’s mine(least I could be happy to believe, it was). Even if it’s not happiness, whatever that means. Because you’re all you’ve got." - Whatever it is you're seeking won't come in the form you're expecting.
The restaurant I was staying at, was the one I had visited number of times before. I almost knew half of the staff who were aptly friendly and overwhelming. What else could I possibly need apart from a large bed all to myself for my beauty sleep. A do not disturb tag out on the door. Few annoying phone calls though, but never mind. I had couple of official meetings lined up with people few - old & new. The gift hampers that I had specially made a point to get for everyone; vanilla brownies, chocolate cookies, handmade masala chai & coffee beans - all mixed & matched, wisely chosen along with a thank you note. I was almost through with the meetings. So far - overall a nice ‘time well-spend’God gracious me, couldn't have asked for more!
Its already been more then a week now, since I’ve been here in Mumbai. It was a business trip, followed by a leisure vacation. I always felt good being here - It was like a second home to me & I have always loved this city. There was so much to say, but words wont even if at all, they could, express, how these memories of nostalgic moments had instilled in me an everlasting warmth. I was here again, yet again pouring in & out my admiration for this wondrous phase, adding yet another feather to my nostalgic chase. These Memories of March would come to an end soon as I was to return back home in few days & I was going to miss it badly.
I was out, to shop & roam around a little, dropping by the street hawkers, market & the crowded streets. It felt as if everyone(all the lonely souls) were out to get something or the other. Spend hours on the Juhu beach, sitting and strolling, wondering-wandering, from one end to another. There was a balloon vendor carrying all shades of primary colored balloons, in a typical folk Maharashtrian attire/ensemble while few others sold bhel-puri, vadaa-pav & there were these ice-cream, kulfi & candy vendors too. Series of pao-bhaji stalls & small fast food restaurants that couldn't be missed. The kids and there playmates and there games, the old & the married, the singlet's and the daters.
In between those wet and muddy foot prints on the sand, the tides that by now had made my feet & almost wet, piling up layer of soil on to my skin - as I stood there partly wet with my shorts half drenched. The rise & dawn of the sun & the moonlit sky glittering was making everything else appear & disappear again - They same to be following me everywhere I go. Stalker yeah!
A walk to the Iskon temple - standing there bowing, praising lord praying & having parshad & and then escaping form his holy castle, out straight back to the clutches of negate so impure. For how long could I disguise this impure lusty urges - imitating wondrously to a thorough piously pure of thoughts - in and around that I wish could end or suffice in form so true, rather untrue.
My last dinner here as of now, is a Goan fish curry & rice & a bottle of Beer (this restaurant coming to me rescue), which is just below the dormitory reserve(hotel thing) I am staying at.
I am always strangely a stranger at strange places with strangers who are either too estrange or no strangers.
Sometimes thing happen unexpectedly & never thought this trip could even get more exciting - leaving me with a heavy heart at the end...right just, when I was about to leave. There was this person, I was to meet(destined). Its not like every day you bump into strangers, those kind of ‘leave an impression often...Not everyone does that - with that great force’, like this person did. Became over friendly, as if we knew each other from real long. From remarks being made to being addressed with names, the conversations, the dine-outs, the lost & found & then the found & lost part of the wicked games, the fondness, the comfort, understanding & the bonding. A piled set of emotions, that this curious friendliness had us both entangled into - this over joyous excitement wrapped strangely to our willingness of knowing each other(the process that followed) in bits & pieces. Through & through - a nice time spend all together - a fine tuning - turning out to be alike ‘one pilgrimage so eventful.’Lucky me!
It isn’t possible to love and part. You will wish that it was. You can transmute love, ignore it, muddle it, but you can never pull it out of you. I know by experience that the poets are right: love is eternal.
Much more then words could possibly express or justify - piled in layers...I so wanted to burst loud. Oh let them be! I could have vaguely, to as little of the minutest of tiny details that I could remember had held myself back and stayed mum.
The more you wanted me to stay, more difficult it became to leave.
My heart & my head is heavy - my eyes could pour out oceans right now. I don't know how to swim, but I don't care. I feel loved & this moment, this love, this feeling - this beautiful phase right now. Tears of mixed emotions have contentiously wrapped me & something unexpected raised me from ground and gave me a high.
There is sadness in your eyes, I don't want to say Good Bye! - Anonymous
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