Memories of March - II

“A random date - curiously excited to thy fate, our longing to mate"

"Last night you were in my room, now my bedsheet smells like you". I decided I won't change it soon enough.

We had our reasons - why we met. I didn't wanted to burden my intuitive mind - expecting and not expecting much at the same time, caught between the conditional & unconditional, I am glad, the participation(the involvement that evolved) was somewhat pleasantly equal. 

While we dwelled into an Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless mind, the moonlight through the night had already kissed our faces & passed, blushing its cast so kind. As we rejoiced to our careless whispers of a carefree indulgence, our comfort had caressed each other through & through whole night long. With expectations that had raised toasts completely erasing everything else, at the end leaving a blank mind, it took a while & eventually lasted until it could completely wind. It was nice - nice is good.

Those random talks about everything & everyone that came & went by! Sharing pictures, thoughts, fond memories, dislikes, likes & hated. How can I forget that mango favored first ever drink that we shared together - that you had brought. We sipped shots of whiskey & I almost had more then a quarter & we weren't drunk. 

It was post midnight, time seem to be flying faster then we expected & had been slipping into wee hours of a stand still night - ‘If at all, I could hold it, I just might’. I never wanted us to doze of snoring, waking up to unworthy so I whispered from far away, when you laid there inches away, waiting for you to move & get up & come close, so I could initiate a talk and maybe we could settle down & lie next to each other even closer. I wanted there to be no space between us. 

“Kissed you a million times, I whispered I was in love, though yes, to soon it was to say - It wasn't even a day. I was infatuated, desperately overwhelmed & caught as if you were my drug(weed) that would wholeheartedly suffice & pacify my urged greed(a need.) It promisingly seemed so apt.”

Lying next to each other, in arms. The whispers, the silence, and the sleep - the laziness that came and left, taking turns while we made love. I could have let you do more to me, and at the same time, done more to you. We could have possibly dwelled into a lot more but I felt this hesitation - I know you felt it too, that was stopping you too & then there was this something the very next minute letting it go. I cherished the time we spent. I did not wanted it to ever end or let go. I could have completely surrendered possibly but there was something inside me that had stopped me to indulge more. I tried to halt, for the next moment, I gave you all. It could have been a lot more but then it was as of now - all said & done. Maybe I wanted to save something for the next time. 

The whole surrender-surrendering was surrender some - & as little it was, with everything else; sealed with a kiss, those mesmerized smooches, the touch of our nude skin, the foreplay & hugs.

In the darkness so still, the ray of light had stopped & spotted us naked - almost wearing nothing in between.

You were the only reason, I did not wanted the night to end so soon or day to rise & shine abruptly(when you would have to go.) There was sleep somewhere settled on the heavy eyelids, which weighed more then the anguished heart, but I tried settling on to the comfort of the silvery clouded outlined love. The night was wild & still young - I still never wanted to sleep.

What we had was mutually - interestingly laid & well played(that’s what I felt). Not to miss the love bytes, that I shall see for another few days & that shall remind me of you, I hope the ones I gave you, would too remind you of me & the time we had. I loved your touch, I loved that we talked, I loved the music, that  we listened to. An involvement - sexual & romantic, somewhere in between lost. I could go about ranting about it and never end. This very moment - what we witnessed or lived & cherished  right now to the core mattered. In hope, that we save more for the next time we meet, if at all - whenever that be. I hope you haven't mistook me for (just another random person).

I wanted to know how you felt - I never got answers, nor did I got any hints whatsoever. I didn't wanted be the only one, pouring out my heart & mind in words, defining my confined-refined moments of nostalgia spent with you. All I hope you felt somewhat similar too.

I stood all this while, trying to overcome the moments whose memories were going to fade sooner or later. Since I haven't heard from you since the time you left - I guess I got my answers. I consoled my awaken self all this while, which probably never existed for you. I felt emotionally drowned with thoughts in remembrance of the forgone time & at last came to a conclusive alert of how I failed to blow a trumpet to your ear that never was interested in any of intellect that it pretended it understood or reciprocated, on the contrary it never existed or was a lame fake pretender(painted with blushful of coated glam - empty & hollow) posing genuine - such a sham.


Despite the ray of hope metaphorically provoked the rhetorical eyelids to shut, heart to stop over pounding in anxiety & running out of all expectations, the widowed windowed light stood there & even the eyelids could not come to my rescue. Memories of March had played a trick - and the time passed so quick.

I just had my bed sheet & everything else changed!

“I guess that’s just part of loving people: You have to give things up. Sometimes you even have to give them up.“ - Anonymous