I AM GAY

“I tell myself I am searching for something. But more and more, it feels like I am wandering, waiting for something to happen to me, something that will change everything, something that my whole life has been leading up to." - Khaled Hosseini

I am a twenty-two now & put up in Delhi, India, originally not from here though, but now we kind of have shifted our base in here along with my parents - The thing that I want to outburst sharing about is myself being gay (that's what I would call myself, as of now, since I am more curious towards boys and less curious or not at all curious when it comes to girls). 

My sibling has a hint about my orientation so far of my being curious and inclined towards the same sex, since I've told about it to my sibling! but I have no idea on how to take it further - I mean as of now I know I am not going to get married to a girl, & since I am in a age right now, where-in I would be more or less concerned about studies and exams, rather on matrimonial accomplishments.

In the words of Carlos Mencia " if u think that your gay then you are gay.”

At times I do wonder (what if I had not been gay) and at times I feel good being one. I've come across all the human traces of odd and even people in a little span so far through virtual & have met few in real  I haven't explored much of sex thought but still by & large, it along with everything is in the process of growing & building my so called aspirations & curiosities, that I cling on to in hope that my hormones do justice to my experiments. Well It's weird at times when I come across too mature ones(uncles & daddy's) and at times, when I come across same age or young fellows. I am still to figure out how much of a gay I was & how much of straight I could be, and if at all this was just a phase, that I went through.

I guess I'm not that metrosexual. My bathroom cabinet is hardly overflowing with products. I only really have my stuff for shaving. I can't honestly say I moisturise, though I probably should. - Clive Owen

The fearsome feeling of being apprehensive about the whole idea - what would be the reaction of my parents when they come to know about it and how would they kind of react on the whole issue. Well I know my sibling is there to support me and talk to them about it, but to what extent? right! From there ,that point in case I am stranded all alone by myself, I would need to figure out my life, parental pressure, social norms and obligations, concerns and values & stuff like that, trying to maintain & relate as I grow. Well right now I guess would not want all these things to bother me and would rather let it go as it is and see where life takes me and how it takes me along - how welcoming it stands in there, holding on to thee. In hope that I am received with open hands 'as I am' & relieved...sigh! 

"While changes in sexuality are certainly not a universal experience for everyone who sets out to understand ones same-sex attractions, for most of us, that’s okay. Because heterosexuality isn't the real goal anyway. (Look around you. Obviously, heterosexuality alone can never guarantee happiness!)" 

You say: I should be straight. I say: Taste the rainbow bitch!

Don't know where the time went, stuck in the wrong mind set & I let the rules bend When I know that all along they're made to break. Hey, you got me searching for reasons, to keep me from leaving & that I have trouble breathing. I give myself another chance to stay, hold me close and I won't leave. - Anonymous