This call had woke me up from a dream - a real alarming-rather annoying one. It was at the moment I was awakened ironically with new emotions stirred within me. They say "Dreams are Not Real".Damn they are wrong - hence proved!
Nocturnal me, caught in the wee hours again, listening on to Surrender by Darlene Koldenhoven (Tranquil Times). It is a sleepless night, despite being a little tired, I am awake to this restless alertness of mind which has taken me to the root or origin of plentiful of things - so thoroughly thoughtful. Acquainting myself with extremely anxious tendencies of heart - so emotional and radical.
‘For what ought to happen, shall, For what not to shall not.’
LAWD...I just tripped on the floor naked, while going to the kitchen to cook myself dinner, straight after a bath. Not realizing the watery floor(I forgot to wipe it off' last time while washing clothes' when I had my washing machine pouring out soapy water during the process & me trying to experiment with it's mechanics (knob play) for a faster job)’
With the closed locked doors & latched windows - am I still haunted? I just heard some noise in the next room. All sorts of thoughts ran onto my head - Who or what it could be? A cat? or something/someone else - fingers crossed.I immediately got myself slipped into a pair of boxers, as I had completely forgot slipping into one, while sipping, eating ,sitting looking at my laptop.I am habitual of not wearing anything or much of things generally - being just myself - completely at ease. A thought striked my mind ‘What if I was found naked by a robber that came to rob, or someone who came to hunt me down & kill me?’,I increased & decreased the volume of the music playing & started juggling with my keyboard. I started talking to myself & enacted as if, I had a company & I was not all alone by myself. Least bothered about it much later, since I heard nothing more, I went to peep & everything seemed fine. There is this thing, I am always worried about & afraid of-not wanting to be seen naked, when I am unconscious or dead.
"The thing you fear most has no power. Your fear of it is what has the power. Facing the truth really will set you free, for Hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.
.
There was not one, but in volumes - these thought provoking & alarming tit-bits of chaosed & intellectual musings that surrounded me, had me engrossed. Swinging across to these situationally propositioned dilemmas at my disposal were these alienated alternative mismatches of infinite possibilities with positive & negative attributes. Life, in its attempts to harness-tackle & take over control had me & my horses forcefully tamed in a peculiar way.
By now straps were fastened & this Awakened House of Night had me - riding on to my horses(peculiar thoughtfulness),trying to get across to the other side of the world (away from nuanced riddance), but with a quarrelsome self realization.
I wont hesitate or be reluctant when it comes in tougher times to enact upon, choose or take a decision. Like everyone else, one of the several advises I was given was to read “How to Win Friends & Influence People”& to oblige & maintain - keeping up with the relationships. I didn't find it at all necessary by any reason or rhyme to get into trouble of finding & getting hold of the textual vocabulary of words since life was about real experiences - worthy & meritorious in its own way. There was absolutely nothing I had to compete for. I had no one to influence or get influenced by none. I never needed to win no friends - I had the best ones already. I wasn't willing to deliberately keep up with anyone single handedly, when I didn't see it coming from other end, its about time - I put an end to this obligatory entertained. People, I have been lately dealing with havent been noble & wise - no offense. Everyone seem to have or absolutely no idea of how things are at other end & in no way things could be any better. I was tired of obliging fools (people with idiocy) who by no means would change there self-esteemed stubbornness or ill habitual acts & still be erratic, bothersome, vague & useless. They wont lend any conclusive help in real, despite knowing the peculiarities of the issue. They who wrongly perceive themselves to be a marvelously qualified ones. lending them a ear was a painstaking job - they would only blabber nonsense & wont do any good. I often end up trusting my hunches - they're usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level.
Listening to Stairway to Heaven(Apocalyptica). Leading me to a conclusive realization, that I was headed in a right direction & my place in there was kept safe - for I have been a good boy. Heaven is not a place or a condition. It is merely an awareness of perfect oneness. How far could one say that truly for hell as well?.
Brightening me up, was‘Just Be’ song by Paloma Faith, What were the odds? - My earphones started acting shitty - one side played and other had to be adjusted repeatedly & my laptop charger was being a useless freak. (not-charging)
“If you want to know your past life, look into your present condition; if you want to know your future life, look at your present actions." *condition's apply
Late nights always make me groggy the next morning. With Winter Lullaby by David Garrett to my ears, my eyes closed - I was on bed now & the early morning had led me into a peacefully lazy & tiresome stillness. It ought to be a wonderful morning, in hope that it be. - Anonymous
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