Saturday, August 30, 2014

Fucked in a Fucking Way


We all have our part of stories. 

Why can't everyone fall in love like I do? Why cant there be just profound fondness or willingness to get close or carried away without no inhibitions with our so called infatuatedly habituated willingness of making out. Why won't we, or why we couldn’t relate in the same way. Why there had to be reasons so reluctant, that killed everything completely, putting an end to it even before it started. Why won't we even give it a try & why every time it had to turn so fake or artificial, Why do we have to hide? Why aren't people so openly responsive enough to give it a considerable thoughtfulness.

Why was it so difficult?

"A good intention clothes itself with power(never wear masks) - that sure would have been a powerful intention, intentionally or unintentional.- Now how powerful, needs to be figured out. But what if someone likes undressing much more then being clothed?"

Everything seemed pretty much straight forward & easy going, without any agitations or masks & no sign of a camouflaged pretentious mind. Something told me, there was a friend or a friend to be, or even more. We had this age gap between us, but did not felt if there was any. It was good to have someone staying up close-by. You could probably end up crying your heart out or sharing secrets & being happy go lucky together. 

I was so overwhelmed by a yes, when I asked - I would want you to stay tonight. I met someone after a days conversation. Just the thought of meeting someone, & having someone staying over. had brought in a gamut of something pleasant into me & I was joyous & excited. It was drizzling outside as if it was in the mood. In that time frame, we were carried a little, enjoying the music & having couple of drinks(wine & whiskey) after finishing up the leftover food - we were still sober. Tried pulling all the conversational strings over & over, while we talked for a while before we hit the bed. 

“Sharing a bed, was not a phrase just limited to a sexual parameter, but it was more of a comfort zone” 

We slept afar from each-other. Though I had intentionally not made it clear that I was possibly attracted towards this person. I was reluctant & possibly did not make any advances of any kind in the darkness, unsure about how would the other person react. I wasn't sure about anything else either, but all I knew was, that I did not wanted us to sleep. The other side was reserved, shy or unsure or probably had other agendas. I on the other hand was willing to hug, hold, touch but kept looking at those closed eyes, staring at the face.

With a glare of light that’s all which I possibly could get from my phone, looking at the sleeping posture by means of indirect light. Despite being anxiously excited to see as much of the naked flesh that I could probably see though, The little that I saw, made me more curious and I rather fell in love and fondness with the clothed and wrapped up soul, that slept like a baby next to me. Something told me, the one who laid next to me wasn't having a sound sleep either. 

Though I was much keen to go closer & cuddle but I refrained myself. I still made little effort while I managed to hold, hug or possibly kiss, feel or touch by gestures - possibly loving. (with no sexual misinterpretation), seeking emotional comfort & as little as physical endurance that I was craving for & wanted little attention and love in return. I was a human soul with longing that wanted to run down deep getting intimately involved. Sex was not on my mind & all I wanted was to ease out all that I could there & then in that darkness of night. I was little sleepy & at the same time sleepless & awaken wanting to somehow get close & intimate, I hadn't thought that there could be a day, when we could possibly end up together on the same bed. 

"Nothing else other then my soul which had a hard on - irrespective of anything or nothing, there it could shag it self off at that very moment.”

Night had passed by. We had a cup of tea in the morning. I guess I had not been a pretty good host, could have been better. I am sorry if I could not be thoughtful about a hungry stomach(guest), while I had a hungry heart. There was not much to offer today, maybe if there was a next time, It might give me a clear indication - food for thought & a food for heart. We could have stayed more & longer, if only I did not had any plans. As much as I would have wanted to hug, shook hands or kiss, while I bid goodbye leaving thee, helping to catch a richksaw puller. 

I had intimated you later about how I made friendly & romantic gestures in the night. I am not sure if you felt & witnessed them while you slept. - Anonymous 

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