An illusionist inventing what was unknown to the world - It was merely my existence that lost its worth. I might have been fake and secretive at times, only to understand the world around. I might have been strange to things that were not my world, I might have been presumptuous and assumptions, to figure how it was perceived. Piled underneath my comfortable illusion of anxious curiosities,submissive & headstrong at the same time to my emotional, mental and physical aspirations & well being - trying to rationalize momentously my urges that were in the process to be unleashed. I could hide and let it all be undercover, but then If I had to reason & socialize in actuality or chose to be indifferent & sit being only friends with my plight - I couldn't just go about doing it all by myself until & unless I learned the art of confronting my true being.
World is so big, and they all pass by, Things and people - they all come in closet, until they are out, they are thought provoking to an extent & have there own merits & demerits.
I would sit tightly secure to my inner grief, to my wise intellect and memories & would raise the volume to the loudest of pitch & dwell deeper into the perspectives of right & wrong chores. I often thought if at all there could be a world out there, listening to my roars - whatever I had to shout about & share. Instilled within me - there was a humane /inhumane self, for a reason or no agenda absolutely if at all, I was born with - to place myself & my thoughts on the shelves trying to decorate & exhibit my stigmas, until I was being accepted, appreciated & taken care of (heard out eventually).
I had a good company when I had parrots caged & hung in the corridors & of my home, as if I had a toy, all by myself for my entertainment. I still remember my 'dad', how excited he felt, while bringing me into a conversation with his friends and relatives, provoking me to tell them, how I let that parrot flew out with its head turned, left and right, confirming if the door of the cage was really open, taking little baby steps & then eventually fly away - out of sight into the blue open sky and how humorous it was for my mom to tell the story about the cockroach, that once was upside down, and I brought her out saying look; 'mama' the cockroach was exercising when I was a little child.
Many miraculous & horrid events have had happened from then to now, if and only I could sit & write every single incident, collating it down into a collateral gist of a thing called life to brag or rant about.
Growing old, was quite indifferent - it was normal though, but then life was much more simpler in those good old days. there was absolutely no annoyance & worrying & now all the troublesome trails would follow in shadows, that haunted now & then. Grass is not greener everywhere or on either side, as it would look to be, but then you have your choicest of flora to water on the little petite seedy weeds - friends in need. I was hampered and pampered by nuances throughout the daily chores of life & absolutely no one could come to my rescue. Wish I had a normal life, wherein I would have been less tortured & my existence would surround no more troublesome walls that I tried mending from time to time to survive.
Peculiar all wisdom is, when it is of no avail leading my intellect to crumble on a lifeless trail. Spirituality came as a blessing in disguise giving my adulterated soul a little sanity
Everything else seem to have lost its charm and glory, when I see I even don't have a story.
Now I am getting older & I am in my ending thirties, but the child in me still grows - goes about dreaming & hoping - hopping to the exciting things that add a little love & light to a dull life.
Jokes apart, on a serious note" I have to rush. my coffee, in the kettle might just be jumping, pouring out, with nothing much left for me to drink - I completely forgot to switch it off". - Anonymous
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