I am a Cloud Storage

"The world was on fire and no one could save me but 'who', its strange what desire will make foolish people do".

This not so fanciful state of glorified mockery of lifeless perception that I am dying in slowly to, trying to persuade myself to chin up and showeth thee, that I was strong enough.

I've recently found myself being infatuated rightly or wrongly to completely different things and people lately. At the same time, I have found myself in a sorry full state of being pressurized in and out of clever intentions that have given me a high, and low for all the little momentum of things, I might have tried hard and not even tried at all to persuade my being in existence to seldom let off go the nuances. I have been my best critic, and often shelled out my energy & time, pulling in and out the criticized clutter to the core. The world seems like a flock of foe fellows.

Feels like I have been patient enough, I could panic any moment now. I could only rant & vent in ways, I could.

One side of me wants to stay happy, and keep myself entertained, and the other side of me, wants to tuck myself in a blanket and sleep, snoring as if nothing was wrong, being forgetful could have been a blessing in disguise, where in, random sets of garbage could get recycled in a vicious circle and add on to my very being. My heart & my mind has been evaded, and I've been finding myself struggling to rhyme poetically the Shakespearean ideology of thoughts that haunt me down to a nostalgic memory lane.

I am not a smart-phone, not even smart enough to be cunning to be precise. yet feel like my battery of life, seems to have been dying, being at the wrong place of time, surrounded by not so very merciful tantrums in the midst of my irenic beliefs. I know there could be few of the reasons that I feel, could justify my reasoning to adjust odd and evens of the way life comes to me. If at all, I was to deal with it all alone by myself, I would have been one insanely starved soul, trying to figure out ways to deal with it. Breathe-in and out, be at peace and stay calm, whatsoever, despite how harder it gets - stand still & grounded to the petite uselessness that guarantees nothingness.

Sometimes I feel, I am like a android operated & equipped 'cloud storage in logical pools', hooked to the internet trying to get across the network, and drain all the juices here and there, knowingly, it to be of no good. I feel hard saying 'Ok Google' when nothing is okay at all, or even afraid of asking 'Alexa' the question" How am I feeling today". I nevertheless wish I was a 'iphone' when today android seems so passé. I cant help being am old school sorts & eventually it wont do any good either. I am rather a 'Iprone' considering I am prone to the seldom useless shit.

I pamper myself with all the reasons to stay alive, and yet find ways to not pester myself with all the odds. Good Sex, Hogging on to everything that's edible and a good sleep is all I dream of right now. Sometimes, I feel I could just go on a long vacation, with a like minded, comforting thee with a sense of conditional security, irrespective of expectations.

"Figuratively speaking, I often feel like a piece of meat in a cold storage that's vulnerable to the core shelved with a price tag often bartered for free - unwillingly confined to thee confounded nuisance, that I want to flee away from. It's hopeless to hope that there still is any hope left. I've stopped hopping anymore."

I feel, I am a cloud, that busted into drizzles now & then...often. In shades of grey... sigh!- 'Its a wicked Game, in a heart shaped world' No body loves no one. - Anonymous.