Sunday, April 26, 2015

Faded in my own Glory

An illusionist inventing what was unknown to the world - It was merely my existence that lost its worth.

I might have been fake and secretive at times, only to understand the world around. I might have been strange to things that were not my world, I might have been presumptuous and assumptions, to figure how it was perceived. Piled underneath my comfortable illusion of anxious curiosities,submissive & headstrong at the same time to my emotional, mental and physical aspirations & well being - trying to rationalize momentously my urges that were in the process to be unleashed. I could hide and let it all be undercover, but then If I had to reason & socialize in actuality or chose to be indifferent & sit being only friends with my plight - I couldn't just go about doing it all by myself until & unless I learned the art of confronting my true being.

World is so big, and they all pass by, Things and people - they all come in closet, until they are out, they are thought provoking to an extent & have there own merits & demerits.

I would sit tightly secure to my inner grief, to my wise intellect and memories & would raise the volume to the loudest of pitch & dwell deeper into the perspectives of right & wrong chores. I often thought if at all there could be a world out there, listening to my roars - whatever I had to shout about & share. Instilled within me - there was a humane /inhumane self, for a reason or no agenda absolutely if at all, I was born with - to place myself & my thoughts on the shelves trying to decorate & exhibit my stigmas, until I was being accepted, appreciated & taken care of (heard out eventually)
.

I had a good company when I had parrots caged & hung in the corridors & of my home, as if I had a toy, all by myself for my entertainment. I still remember my 'dad', how excited he felt, while bringing me into a conversation with his friends and relatives, provoking me to tell them, how I let that parrot flew out with its head turned, left and right, confirming if the door of the cage was really open, taking little baby steps & then eventually fly away - out of sight into the blue open sky and how humorous it was for my mom to tell the story about the cockroach, that once was upside down, and I brought her out saying look; 'mama' the cockroach was exercising when I was a little child.

Many miraculous & horrid events have had happened from then to now, if and only I could sit & write every single incident, collating it down into a collateral gist of a thing called life to brag or rant about.

Growing old, was quite indifferent - it was normal though, but then life was much more simpler in those good old days. there was absolutely no annoyance & worrying & now all the troublesome trails would follow in shadows, that haunted now & then. Grass is not greener everywhere or on either side, as it would look to be, but then you have your choicest of flora to water on the little petite seedy weeds - friends in need. I was hampered and pampered by nuances throughout the daily chores of life & absolutely no one could come to my rescue. Wish I had a normal life, wherein I would have been less tortured & my existence would surround no more troublesome walls that I tried mending from time to time to survive.

Peculiar all wisdom is, when it is of no avail leading my intellect to crumble on a lifeless trail. Spirituality came as a blessing in disguise giving my adulterated soul a little sanity

Everything else seem to have lost its charm and glory, when I see I even don't have a story.

Now I am getting older & I am in my ending thirties, but the child in me still grows - goes about dreaming & hoping - hopping to the exciting things that add a little love & light to a dull life.

Jokes apart, on a serious note" I have to rush. my coffee, in the kettle might just be jumping, pouring out, with nothing much left for me to drink - I completely forgot to switch it off". - Anonymous

Friday, April 24, 2015

A Lifeless Plundered Blunder


We often end up in strange places, among strange people and strange things do happen strangely. No matter how estrange they seem to be. All the plundering & blundering that we see happening inside-out or around, either confessing to have committed some or being enslaved to a few, victimized irrespective of the odds.

‘Hey, not everything is a story, okay? You think everyone is damaged because you're damaged. Matter of fact, you love damage so much. you made it your full time job and it turned you ugly’. You are so damaged within, that you try to damage everything or everyone that you come across. You’ve given people chances  of ruining yourself knowingly or unknowingly. You’ve turned so ugly, that you find everyone & everything ugly. You end up plundering & ruining happiness of others, which is the ugliest truth.

Do we actually love committing blunders or are we accustomed in our approach & prone to these mere transitory offensive exchanges - unknowingly or intuitively perceivable needful of urges - a requirement(advancement of advantage) for our materialistic comfort or self gain, being confronted with for a short spin or for a longer run, leaving us to disadvantages of all sorts at the end.

Sometimes, things happen on there own, and we have absolutely no control over them. But what about the ones, we could control? We all run around all our lives(going hay way), having these conditions and expectations(astray), that are least unconditional or unexpected. We are in a mad rush to fill up those necessary spaces and hollowness in order to propagate or breathe (exist and live). Every action has a reaction - There is always something for someone, substituting & complimenting until there is nothing left to the nothingness of sorts.

The only problem with us is our own selves, we are so stuck & inclined onto accumulating, bulking, sulking & exchanging random deals(part & parcel), feeding our deepest of urges in order to satisfy our never quenching hunger (pandora of boxes). We love surprises, yet we are afraid of taking risks. At times, often afraid of the risks involved, we still try taking in a risk, but eventually the human nature does not admire the end-result outcomes(unexpected)- slow & steady in bits & pieces.

We are all out of unconditional approach? Don't we love our parents, siblings, other relations and God, no matter what. Do we barter a deal out of these relatively blood relationships or seek to confront with them, for just the sake of it. We see no God, but still love him, maybe because we are afraid of him, and we are made to believe in him or everything else blindly. Things still could go wrong, but what about the righteous deeds? Why can't we settle down with things we could see and hear. Do we end up pampering every single dog we meet on the street, do we feed them with water or food, spend time playing with them. pamper a plant, or talk to birds? (Did you knew, talking and singing to a plant could make it grow even faster) Ever watched the playfulness of squirrels or the strength and determination of the petite marching ants those crawl carrying food, building houses, spiders webbing, birds nesting. Do you listen to the sounds they make? Do we even listen to our own selves? Eventually at the end of the day, we come back to our own very self.

World is full of all sorts of anonymously strange thing called people. Everyone is demarcated, distinguished & indifferent on moral traits or characteristic assemblage. There is this self esteemed agenda of set principles, to uncover and unleash thy self centered inclinations of need, in greed. Our world can be peculiarly secluded or be a host to things & people. Humanity seems to be depleting & strangely humans have turned Inhumane (lifeless). If at all, it could be selfless for the sake of love and humanity. ‘One for all - all of one’ there could still be a hope. ’

"Look at you, you madman, screaming you are thirsty And are dying in a desert when all around you there is nothing but water! ~Kabir"

We have everything, and everyone we need, all we need to do is look around, open up to all the possibilities of certainties & uncertainties available at our disposal with or without labels. All we need to do is stop making a riot or hue & cry about weighing the grudges that we presume could be an outcome of our decisive imperfections even before indulging ourselves into this chaos. Until & unless you do it, you wont figure out how practical or impractical everything was. Why are we so afraid of our actions today & worried about the future(our existence)? 

It's like your life was being raped, a million times, and you got too used to it, caught up, that you started liking it evidently and fell prey to the mercy of it, and waited for it to happen again, you started liking being strangled, interrogated, ruled and dominated - over and over, until every corner of your body was bruised & soul sinned - losing its charm & warmth. Lying down as a frozen dead meat, you start hunting down to suffice for your very own self, while you give a part of you to everyone to feed upon meanwhile pondering on to what all was made available to you(at your disposal) for you to feed (left over)- stale, used & unworthy. It eventually is going to get exhausted.

I can't reveal my inner heart predicament. - Anonymous

Thursday, April 23, 2015

Hope - Now,Then & Forever

“Hope is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul And sings the tune without the words And never stops at all.” - Emily Dickinson

Amidst an atmosphere of uncertainty and animosity over rumored redundancies, finding myself embroiled in the way of life, trying to gracefully endure the hardships...practicing a mindset of stoic empathy while maintaining healthy emotional connections with myself and others...hopefully there seems to be a "Hope‬ Now"

The ‪‎days go pass by & there is so much that keeps you and your mind exhausted - bewilderingly busy & entertained, with chores, that take your breath away until you panic. Unwillingly or willingly to your disposal of denials & agreements - these whatsoever ones, seem to be pretty keen to pile-up no matter what in there best of interest to make you practice & get involved & evolved no matter how reluctantly, halfheartedly or wholeheartedly it might seem. There are number of things (people/emotions/issues) that are stuck in your head & heart which suck in all the space that you always wanted for your own-self and no matter how hard you wanted to let them go, they seem to have by now engrossed up being a part of your so called agendas. There is something that holds you back - this thin & thick layer of line between' what you want and what happens is not entirely a choice at ones disposal - you were left at the mercy of the destiny & had no choice left other then become a participant of this journey called life. From stagnant pauses to in circles again - old & afresh in its viciousness.

Being ‪busy for good is always the best thing in the world, but then, we all end up being busy with things that destiny throws upon us & how wisely you choose to make it worth at the end, is all that matters. You just cant be choosy every-time - some things are just not as easy, they might seem to appear & others might just be a  part & parcel of deeds of the needs that  just seem like they were for forever. That must be a not so good God's sign of making you work - but that's how it was meant to be. There is absolutely nothing that can keep you free & away from the chores of life - good or worse...you just got to attend.

We have ‪"Flown the Air‬ like Birds" and ‪"Swim the Sea‬" like Fishes, but have yet to learn the simple act of ‪"Walking the Earth‬".

I shall practice the righteous that I assume and presume it to be,until it harms a thing or two. I shall not run in haste trying to compete, but shall try keeping peace. Acknowledge obligingly & obediently - unless it upsets my conduct of soul. I shall do, until its proved wrong. I shall take guidance from thy heart and mind and surrender to petite little good and bad or even worse. Until I surrender, I shall not reconcile and subject thy. Nor shall I understand and experience it to its full fledged wholeness. They are not the ones telling me how and what to do about - I am my own master and a king that shall live by all the approachable means. I am an individual - they are not me and I am not them. My life, my rules, my way. I shall do away with,what upsets me. Let me deal with it - welcoming what makes me happy.

“I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, we still may not know where we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. You may not know where you're going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings, the winds will carry you.” - C. JoyBell C.

Thy self, all set with a set of tasks in its utmost of arrivals and departures - curiosity of soul appreciating the overwhelmed ones & struggling in annoyance to the necessary nuances. Often when shaken to this faith  - I run down to the dwellings of my inner most cravings trying to be friends with peace. My heartfelt consciousness tries to evade from the coincidence of unexpected seasonal phases - learning from the 'giving-in and giving-out' much more then I would ever realize. A journey of an unseen, unheard an unfolded story, often misunderstood & complained about - whispers of sobbing in vein or loud pitch's of  my blatant shouts.

Forever uninvited 'it comes as a disguised fate', with its contrast full of ironical mates, bestowing upon me with its utter sheer nuisance of fruitful frightful unexpected traits. I sink down to my expectations of a materialistic urge - rhyming or whining to this loose or win..viciously gathered to these burned & buried scar-full spills.Churned-learned so far - In hope still. convincing myself "If I would have lived it all by Now‬, what shall be left for tomorrow Then?" 

Enduring trials and tribulations while remaining loyal to the end goal requires grit, yes, but I believe there’s more to it than that. - Anonymous. 

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Mirror-Mirror On the Wall


"Anyone can hide, but who you are and what you want’,is what most people live their entire lives figuring, without even arriving at a conclusion & for those who dont - God bless them"

"Sometimes it seems safer to hold it all in, where the only person who can judge you is yourself Imperfect or chaotic - some things are meant to be broken. It's the universe's way of providing contrast, you know? There have to be a few holes in the road. It's how life goes."

The privacy of life is shrouded in secrecy, concealed, until there lies absolutely nothing to feel strange, weird and awkward about. Cautiousness to this coming-out of or hiding-out in protective layers seldom deprives oneself limiting to thick & thin lines of ones very own existence in question.

Practicing unprotected or playing safe - assuming everything to be either safe or unsafe & nothing in between is a presumed peculiar thoughtfulness that comes in randomly to the perceived. Opening up to a much more visibly clutter-free clearer state - letting it all out & sorted in an attempt to erase the illusive boundaries of demarcated vagueness that had clouded your conscious & made you restless - troubling you in long queues of anticipation of figuring things out.

Open-Up to this welcoming rescue with wide open arms - securing self to an ease of letting this & that of this overburdened & overshadowed pile of loaded hunch-bunch of anonymity let go off you. You've been hung & stuck in there nowhere to almost nothing for long - Let it pass by & thee shall be at ease & witness peace surrounding thy - away from the disorderly hustle-bustle hassling thee with & putting thee in series of disorderly undisputed disputes.

‘I aint no Snow White, I am just a dwarf. I’ve been there, done that. I’ve been happy, lucky to have friends & I’ve been hurt by torts - surrounded by greedy strangers ‘enemies’ of all sorts’. 

I might lay low, rise high, play with a doll or get hurt by a ball, whatever I do, I shall be followed by my shadows taking this stroll. I might look at myself through you, while doing many things & this is just not all, I might be reluctant enough to look at you when I am shabby, I might not even come in front of you in my full glory, when pain sicken, lost or crappy, I might be disguised as many of things, but not me - fake & deceiving that no one would see, but deep in my heart with that truthful innocent plea. Growing old in shape & size, but mostly wise - Let’s roll a dice, flip a coin to head & tail, let's see who wins and who looses at the end of the game. Promise, You! I will not hold you guilty & never ever shall I blame, no matter you may not utter my name' when I ask you - Who's the prettiest of all? I have learned, and witnessed ,there is much that matters to me inside, then out. For never shall I on you ever shout or have upon you a doubt.

Crawling with those baby steps, 'I come to see you, see me' back- ahh! those dark circled patches, unkempt hairdo, wrinkled face - in crumpled & not so ironed clothes, that excessive unsettled fat belly sack, that seem to go no flat, no matter how hard I exert myself-up running-after, getting hold of this mice like a cat. Its just that, I ain't a indefatigable person kinds, neither a thwart, calibrating myself from one side to another side off-across. Amidst this chaos & even-odds, in hope to embark thy name in fame of hall - Oh "Mirror Mirror On The Wall" In circles going round viciously scatter, please be nice to me - no matter.

With other things on my mind, Let me go now, I'll get busy with chores not so kind, I am not at all one self obsessed sorts you see, but will come back to you, I promise thee.

Better late then ever - dumb or clever!. Staying with you has not been that bad for awhile, see ya later my friendly-unfriendly beguile. Just in case, I do not see you again ever, just wanted to thank you for being there In darkness & light, close, near & far away - apart miles. 

Of all the things transparently we’ve ever secretly talked to each other about face to face, scrubbed & rubbed each others shoulders - having seen each other for ages now & I guess you’ve been the only one who could tell me, when I ask you for one last time...”Mirror Mirror on the Wall, tell me who is the fairest of all?"

कैसे कह दू अब मैं आईने से, मुझको मैं अब दिखाई नहीं दूंगा. लाख देखना भी चाहे तू मुझको, मुमकिन है किसी चीज़ से ढका होऊँगा. इस जहाँ में नहीं तो उस जहाँ में, कहीं ना कहीं तुझको धूंड लून्गा.

"How do I explain thy mirror? no more shall I get to see myself anymore. As much as would you be wanting to see me, but in vein. I wont be there - I might just be covered with something or the other. If not in this world, in another one, somewhere or the other - I might find you out.”

Beauty or the Beast - ‘last but not the least.’ GoodBye! - Anonymous