Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I am so very SPAM'ED

Let me share in with you quite of some of the SPAM Mail's that I keep getting!

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According to the Internet Society and other sources, the term spam is derived from the 1970 Spam sketch of the BBC television comedy series "Monty Python's Flying Circus".The sketch is set in a cafe where nearly every item on the menu includes Spam canned luncheon meat. As the waiter recites the Spam-filled menu, a chorus of Viking patrons drowns out all conversations with a song repeating "Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam... lovely Spam! wonderful Spam!", hence "Spamming" the dialogue. The excessive amount of Spam mentioned in the sketch is a reference to the preponderance of imported canned meat products in the United Kingdom, particularly corned beef from Argentina, in the years after World War II, as the country struggled to rebuild its agricultural base. Spam captured a large slice of the British market within lower economic classes and became a byword among British children of the 1960s for low-grade fodder due to its commonality, monotonous taste and cheap price - hence the humour of the Python sketch.

In the 1980s the term was adopted to describe certain abusive users who frequented BBSs and MUDs, who would repeat "Spam" a huge number of times to scroll other users' text off the screen. In early Chat rooms services like PeopleLink and the early days of AOL, they actually flooded the screen with quotes from the Monty Python Spam sketch. With internet connections over phone lines, typically running at 1200 or even 300 bit/s, it could take an enormous amount of time for a spammy logo, drawn in ASCII art to scroll to completion on a viewer's terminal. Sending an irritating, large, meaningless block of text in this way was called spamming. This was used as a tactic by insiders of a group that wanted to drive newcomers out of the room so the usual conversation could continue. It was also used to prevent members of rival groups from chatting—for instance, Star Wars fans often invaded Star Trek chat rooms, filling the space with blocks of text until the Star Trek fans left.This act, previously called flooding or trashing, came to be known as spamming. The term was soon applied to a large amount of text broadcast by many users.

It later came to be used on Usenet to mean excessive multiple posting—the repeated posting of the same message. The unwanted message would appear in many if not all newsgroups, just as Spam appeared in nearly all the menu items in the Monty Python sketch. The first usage of this sense was by Joel Furr in the aftermath of the ARMM incident of March 31, 1993, in which a piece of experimental software released dozens of recursive messages onto the news.admin.policy newsgroup. This use had also become established—to spam Usenet was flooding newsgroups with junk messages. The word was also attributed to the flood of "Make Money Fast" messages that clogged many newsgroups during the 1990s.In 1998, the New Oxford Dictionary of English, which had previously only defined "spam" in relation to the trademarked food product, added a second definition to its entry for "spam": "Irrelevant or inappropriate messages sent on the Internet to a large number of newsgroups or users."

There are several popular false etymologies of the word "spam". One, promulgated by early spammers Laurence Canter and Martha Siegel, is that "spamming" is what happens when one dumps a can of Spam luncheon meat into a fan blade.[citation needed] Some others are the backronym stupid pointless annoying messages."[citation needed] There was also an effort to differentiate between types of spam. That which was sent indiscriminately to any e-mail address was true spam while that which was targeted to more likely prospects, although just as unsolicited, was called velveeta (after the cheese product). But this latter term didn't persist.

Definition: of the term

An email box folder littered with spam messages.

Spam is the use of electronic messaging systems (including most broadcast media, digital delivery systems) to send unsolicited bulk messages indiscriminately. While the most widely recognized form of spam is e-mail spam, the term is applied to similar abuses in other media: instant messaging spam, Usenet newsgroup spam, Web search engine spam, spam in blogs, wiki spam, online classified ads spam, mobile phone messaging spam, Internet forum spam, junk fax transmissions, social networking spam, television advertising and file sharing network spam.

Spamming remains economically viable because advertisers have no operating costs beyond the management of their mailing lists, and it is difficult to hold senders accountable for their mass mailings. Because the barrier to entry is so low, spammers are numerous, and the volume of unsolicited mail has become very high. In the year 2011, the estimated figure for spam messages is around seven trillion. The costs, such as lost productivity and fraud, are borne by the public and by Internet service providers, which have been forced to add extra capacity to cope with the deluge. Spamming has been the subject of legislation in many jurisdictions.

A person who creates electronic spam is called a spammer (plural: spammers).

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Well no ,do not get me wrong, I ain't talking about Casting Couch in here! Well Its like one of those days when you end up hitting yourself emotionally or mentally weak, physically exhausted with things going around in your life, & on top of it with no Physical Pleasures that leave you frustrated and desperate enough to try out new things at your disposal! Sometime you might have a rough day, and you might just not feel the urge or be in a mood to meet anyone to date and help with your sexual work-outs!Here it was me on my couch as always in night, before I went off to sleep! I was feeling the heat around me, in me, for the very reason that it was too hot! despite my air conditioner on, and the water cooler that I switched on sometime back. I wanted to take out everything that I was wearing and l was laid on my couch! (not bed).Adjusting my pillow while I was completely naked, with a side turn hugging and playing with my couch as in touching it, Imagining it to be someone for that matter! With eyes closed in the dark wee-hour's of that time. I could feel getting a hard-on and so wanted to do something about it! I was getting a high while my lower part rubbed it against the couch, in a hand-free mode! I just wanted to try it out, finding a way in the couch to grasp the opportunity of putting it somewhere at that very moment. I just did what I had too right there, putting in the gap somewhere in between the couch! and pushing it in-out and feeling the same high as If I was making love to someone! Many faces, and bodies( many people) came into my mind when I was doing it! for only the feel that I could get was to get done with it and rejoice! Ahh, Holy Shit! there I was doing it harder, though not getting the exact position, trying to adjust. & then finally' I came! I felt awesome. I better get my self human-beings for I do not want to experiment with anything more!But at times you just can not control on your sexual experimental urges and you get it done with! I hope this thing does not turns out to be one of my fetishes, For until now I never had any specific fetish!So far' I tried it twice and I just loved it!Could not have agreed more on' Self Pleasures lead you to Heaven, and you do not need anyone to help you with'.For hand-jobs are often relaxing and self satisfactory! But sometimes you close your eyes and imagination leads you to wonderful sexual fantasies! Will keep you updated for sure on this, if it brought more wonderful expertize and self-pleasures adding on to it!Let me give it a try more often! - Anonymous (Male) 'that's so obvious right)

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

A Confession'FAKE ID

I am seriously loving the fact that world is of fools, and virtually it's not very difficult to take people and give them a spin! It's fun to make a fake id anytime since it's quite easy! No one is actually going to question you and not ask you who you really are virtually! There are loads of people who ask for my number to talk to them on the phone, that I avoid most of the time, and at times I do, wid the best part being that my voice could be transformed into a little feminine one! For several times I am caught, for the other person says you are a dude and rest of the times the conversation leads to quite and wild hot chat session! The best part is that you end up knowing people more then you ever thought, with knowing what there sexual desires and fantasies are, and how keep one is to have a chat/talk with a girl! They will always like the fake pictures of yours that you post, That can be anyone else's picture's right and they even have to be not at all yours! So this is me a guy with a fake girl id. trying to kill sometime, have a conversation and frustrations let out and sexual urges out! You get to meet various idiots and some intellectual people, & half of the time you tend to get up emotional with some, But it's hard to let them know who you really are! Since no one would take you to be the way you are! Exactly whosoever and whatsoever you be sexually ( A male for that matter). I mean we certainly live in the world of all sexualities platformed and accepted now these days! But still there is less of Male to Male interactions, as much they would be amongst the Male to Female, or Female to Female ones! either you have to be a Gay communicating with a Gay!- Anonymous - 25 Female (virtually),Bangalore,India

Lame People'DEAD Memory

I am sorry but I guess I have a too brighten up and lightened up 'What an Idea' Battery in my memory and it never dies' Yes I do agree at times it's half dead, It's obvious when thing are out of mind, out of memory for some time It ought to be lost, right? But This was a amongst many incidents that happened today, An old contact that I made on Facebook though (A Radio Jockey) with whom I chatted almost some 4 years back, visited my town and I got a SMS dude I am in Delhi, The funnier part was since I had not stored the number in my cell, I had no clue who this person was, Though when I asked who was it. I got the name and the details! Later after not much identification I remembered tat we had never met but talked on the phone for 304 times and even I had a chance to view this person's cam! I guess I am addicted to such things happening around with me lot of time! Cant help it! Rather the funny part was that this person had no idea who he has sms'ed, & I do not understand when you are not sure who you are sms'ing then why do it! Then he kept asking me dude I have your number stored in my cell, but I have no clue who you were. But when I told him about the chat we had and the cam session and the talks! He recalled half of the thing that just might happened but still could not acknowledge who I was, I guess there was no use meeting such people who even had no clue who they messaged to meet up when in town. God! for this incident made me realized I will never forget for what so ever reason who I interact with and remember people by there face and what they did! The guyz from the Media World can be so lame, with no conversation skills at all! & when I had a 3 minute talk with this person all he was insisting me to tell me who I was! Damn! this is funny and weird and I had high hopes from people! Anonymous - 24,Kerala,India

Sunday, May 22, 2011


Here from it all started and came to an End!

Is it a way to Communicate or is it just that someone would want to keep the Conversation keep on going! Some one really wants to Communicate with you that badly!
It's not that somethings sometime are better off when not face to face, and at times they are so face to face! You cant express in a much better way! and at time you just don't know how to react!

No matter what all we discuss or talk about, but it's the conversation and the communication that keeps the two or more people keep on going, taking it over-board, crossing in the limits, and at times just so nonsense, or higher then expected that one would feel on the verge of either being so un-knowledgeable or intellectual enough!

I had a friend visit me the other day! I will not go in to the details of my Friend though' but rather speak up and share all the Conversation' Communication we had face to face! It was like we met after real long, and we have been friends not as in friends but sometime we do not know what to call such relations that come from no where and you share in all the small and the big things with each other irrespective of it would matter or not, or it would just be something some where you could not let go, and not even let it come! I mean in a situation of kinds when you feel you are in a state, where you just would have no choice left!

Sitting for a while on the net, on facebook commenting and addressing the friend requests and wising Birthdays! having a glass of water then listening to some songs on the FM Radio, and after a while sharing some pictures, and videos with him, the times we had together and few of the moments of my life and people in my life, family and myself! I was said I lost weight and looked better)That was one thing I felt good about) certainly!

As soon as we shifted to my room, He starting to hit me with questions like, why were you not picking up my calls, and what's happening at your end, How's family, Any plan's to get married?, Hows Mom doing, Hows work? Hows life in general? to a lot more list of things that were inquired from me when I was with a friend face to face. Sipping to my Bacardi Breezer, I was like in a Mode of replying to some and ignoring the rest!

In between I went to the kitchen to get something to eat for both of us, Keeping the food on the gas to get all heated up! with the answers somewhere moving from my heart to my mind and vice-versa of the questions I was asked! Well not all the time you speak up the truth, since there are a lot of secrets inside your self being that you wont let out to someone who is not that close to you, and does not share that very comfort level that you hope you could!

I came back to the room putting everything on my bed, where we sat face to face, sipping in my BB in between with the FM Radio on with songs which could be my best friend in terms of what all I could ever have in mind and could and should and would wanted to say! As if they were speaking and puring my heart and mind out in the words they sang about!

I rained few hours back when we met, & I was waiting for more of it, Since I do very love the rain, and would have ran down on the roads to get all wet! I was little high with the drink I took and still not getting the high I needed! As is it was the questions un-answered answered somewhere that wanted to hide-in and some wanted to come-out so very bad!

Then it took a little while to settle down on the lazy bone to relax on the bed! with pillows being adjusted, and body being angled in a position to settled in with much ease!

The interesting thing was, when I cam back from the kitchen the second time after again getting some more to eat, since the food (3 Idli's) was not much for both of us, so had to cook ( Omelette's and put them with some slice's of bread with Ketchup) I came back and realized this fellow was clicking his picks! & I asked him you could have at least switched on better light to click, It's already so semi lighted ambiance ! Then we again had a series of questions from his side actually not mine! I am not that habitual of asking much until unless I am real close to a person!

Then I was kind of editing the pictures that he clicked in my cell of him, and we were adding smiley's and big swollen lips, muawh lip too it as well! and adjusting the contrast and brightness and colour and effects!

We started the nonsense conversation after a while, which had Osama - is he really dead? How is this place Andaman & Nicobar Island, Have you ever been to Eqypt? He then shared about his visit to Ajmer, & his plan to visit Mumbai soon!

With more of things that he wanted to talk, I never wanted to ask him about his personal stuff, since He seemed quite complexed with life and I never wanted him to speak and discuss all the sad things about his life and present and future and past!

The conversation started about What would it be like a Hell or Heaven in real? How different or same are our cultures and religions, he being from a Muslim Community and I being a Hindu, and we talked about Christians and Christianity, Why would Muslim bury the dead, and why would it not be the same as the way Hindu's do, Fire the body! What came first ,which religion and where from! how true it all was? What are the dreams about' how real and how fake they are. Do the angels and demon's really exist? The festivals, the clothes, the activities one does in one's religion. How far do we follow the religion and spiritualism, to a what extent? Is it necessary to pray and visit temples, and mosques etc!

Why are people who do bad, happy and why are the ones who are good not content with life!

So are you looking for a girl now? in between he asked, and I replied yes as of now I am not looking to get married, still we are looking for! He stated everyone needs some one in life. to which I answered, not necessary, Life alone can be much more wiser and happier, with no restrictions, no problems, no adjustments, no commitments, no compromises, just you and your family, that's it, why would you want to have a stranger in your life and your family and make someone a part of your world! It's not always that you would get someone alike, and good! Then I discussed with him about a girl who was after me, madly in love with me, (that's what she thinks) but I am not, since I don't like her, and we might be poles apart! It's like there are loads of things necessary for two to mingle and single, other then all the more obvious reasons of liking, interest, comfortability, mental physical and emotional attributes! family, lifestyle, profile, looks etc!

It was already 04;45 am by that time! I so remember the time, since I cud see my alarm buzz on my cell, when he asked me to switch off the music and lets go of to sleep, or else we would be making a world record of not sleeping for the while night long!

I mean would have not talked this much, about everything, anything, about certainly and uncertainly about lot of answered and un-answered queries to his interest! We got up at 09:00 am. & this restless and little restful sleep that I had, don't know about him ,if he slept good or not! I had to leave morning at 10;00 for some personal work issue! So had to say him goodbye,and he said yeah he would also leave had to go back as well! we went half way and then he realized that he had left his packet at my place, which he brought along! He went back brought it, and then it was a final good bye!

Well hell of a Conversational night-morning it was!

I hope we have such people who could just talk and be comfortable ,with a limit to the restricted queries and un-sealed lips, answerable to everything asked! Not everyone we share with, and not everyone we disclose the darkest of secrets! Not everyone we talk to in a much comfortable way! After all it's all about Communication and Conversation, Letting it all out and feeling that comfort - Anonymous,35,Delhi, India

Tuesday, May 17, 2011


Hello guys, I believe love is a space where two compatible souls share their emotions,grow together,adjust certain things,and reciprocate to the affection effortlessly. Having said so I have defied the most important rule that I would have made for myself ever.yes,Distance Love!

I had never held any strong opinion for distance relationship,but now when I breath one myself would differ from my earlier definition of love. Like any other realization that we come across in our life we break all the subconscious belief that we had built to make ourselves content.

It's been a year since I am in love with this person who has drastically changed my life, and I am stumped to how we have evolved with a distance factor being the sole foundation. I have had my set of failed relationships but never did I carry any of my past memoirs as a reference frame to judge the person who i loved or was loved by.and i guess this makes me a person who easily loves someone when I have just witnessed getting dumped,so moving on comes a little easy to me. Having said this I always feared of ending with a chain of people who must have fancied an affair with me and it only could end up as a failure.

Love happened to me when I was least expecting it,it hit me when I had decided to go single all the way, happy with my friends,family,work and all that mattered for my existence. My love was a visitor to me on a dating site. He acknowledged my barely informative profile but left no trace of greetings or signs of initiating a conversation. I somehow managed to send him a "Hi!".

I think this was the moment when it all just started to shape up. He responded to my hi and confessed to me that he was not expecting me to ever consider his presence. He believed that he could not trespass the age difference we share. To his surprise I have an elderly fetish (which I revealed it to him much later) so I was rather more interested at my end.

We both were aware of the distance we could have to overcome if at all anything like Love was to happen,so we started with no strings attached and a clean friendship for that sake.humans are so convincing when they are making efforts to impress someone and we certainly did abide to this instinct then.so it started with a healthy dose of friendship and sharing everything of our life that ever mattered.we set a bond instantly where we ended up chatting for hours on-line and disclosing every bit of unnecessary information that we could have never bothered.it followed with swapping numbers and then also having phone conversations for every morning-afternoon-evening!

He had become a routine to me and I simply flattered myself for the attention he conferred upon me.

The proposal was too early to be honest and was certainly from his side(me being the least romantic of the two of us) but I could not resist from saying a yes to him,it was the most sweetest proposal I could have ever thought. He started with ,"I know we both have said earlier how we agree on the no strings attached and I know its too early for me to say a thing like this,but I think I am in Love with you!" I was aware of the effect he had on me that one week of our introduction and sharing our lives where we always virtually interfaced and spoke our hearts out. I took yet another ground breaking decision for myself and gave this whole distance relationship a chance. Today I feel glad that we took this decision.and we have already started making plans on our future,we share effortless understanding between us and are the most practical couple to my knowledge.

So this was how it all begun.I always revisit my memoirs where i know its not what i would like to do,but breaking this rule is yet another realization for me to live happiness and rejoice for the wonderful start that led to this perfect present and to make us plan for a even better future ahead.

Theres a lot more of stories to be told on my end about me and my love but I think its better to write it here in bits. So this is the start and I am aware that this just does not end. So friends I hope you enjoy reading this piece of my life which is really close and special for me. - 21, Anonymous, Mumbai

Friday, May 13, 2011

The 'Paan Wallah' BETEL VENDOR

I was on my way to my Paan Wallah or the Beetal-Vendor (as you might call it in English).Interestingly I could not find my ear-phones, that I have a habit of plugging in my cellphone, whenever I go for a walk. My Cigarette was over, so had to get it desperately from anywhere, would walk all the miles to get one seriously! Could not have survived without it! Well as I walked thinking if there would be the Paan Wallah there at the corner of the road, as I reached near to the road-end, I peeped in before to see If I was lucky enough!yeah & I saw it, so happy I was, as If I saw a mirage in the middle of a desert. As I fondled my pockets to take out some change & sort out the big notes that I had in ma trunk's pocket. I realized there was this old guy, not too old though, somewhere around in his fifties, approximately watching what I was up too. As soon I had money change in my hand, I stepped ahead close to the vendor.

Never knew he was the same guy who was selling paan! He was in a mood to converse with me I guess. He said seen you after a real long time. I was shocked to surprise as I did not recognized him from no where, and he knew where I came from. He continued saying you live there right. Had been seeing you since you were a little kid, you use to pass by on a bicycle going somewhere like a tuition class. I said yeah that was like some 15 years back or so! He himself said yeah it's been long! Well sudden things at times make you blush when you get to know that someone somewhere knows you from somewhere, down the memory lane!

I said yeah I used to come, and still come at times. Since there is no fixed vendor for the same, I keep getting it from anywhere I can find one! I said to him there was a bald cycle repair wallah guy in here who use to sit at times when I use to bring in my cycle for repair, He immediately replied yeah he still exists, and then I could not resist asking him, does he still sits under that tree across the road, to which he said yes he does!

How does time flies and we still have all those people, all those memories just here and there somewhere as part of our lives, stringed and latched!

Now I knew I have made a Paan Wallah 'friend'! So I would be getting some discounts! LOL kidding! hehehehe!

I asked him to give me a pack of cigarette and some tobacco to chew. I took more than the ones I planned though! Well to avoid one more extra walk a mile again another day. Saving on a breathless assuming walk to a Paan Wallah with a sigh, finally I got what I came for!

He asked me bhaiya (brother) wont you eat paan, try it out! I nodded - what I meant was no,though I loved Paan, used to eat it when I was a kid, my dad used to get it for me. He thought I said a yes, and he packed one for me. To my surprise I almost forgot what I came to get for a moment & said o.k in my heart! Let it be! Lemme have one! With I smile I happily made an expression as if I was been given an extra bonus!

I could not help writing more on this one!

This is how you eat paan in India, it has been written.

'Go to a favorite restaurant and stuff your face till you can barely stand. Saunter down the promenade, lulled by the moonlit waves, tropical breeze and twinkling stars'.

Stop when you see a paan wallah, or betel vendor, ringing his bell as he pushes his truck.

“Sada or Meetha?” he asks – plain or sweet?

“Meetha,” you reply.

(that's exactly what he asked me and that exactly what I replied to him)

'He smoothes a tender betel leaf. With lightning dexterity, his hands fly over the containers crowding his truck. A little roasted fennel seed, some cloves, cardamom, betel nuts, tobacco paste, coconut flakes and rose paste are all stuffed into the betel leaf, which he folds into a triangle and nails together with a clove.

Without a word, you pop it in and chew. The sweet juices burst in your mouth with a tantalizing mix of flavors and textures – the refreshing cardamom, peppery betel leaf, biting cloves, tangy fennel and sweet rose paste. The experience is as seductive as a stolen kiss, as relaxing as an after-dinner cigar'.

On my way back home, I knew it, that this one was going on my Facebook status! though it never made on as a FB status to be precise. Then I almost forgot about it, and 3 days later I shared it. & yeah thanks to a friend from FB for letting me know the English name for Paan Wallah, after I had posted the status as 'What's a Pan Wallah' called in/know as in English?. - Anonymous' Male,34, Delhi,India

OSAMA been laid-in

Usāmah bin Muḥammad bin ʿAwaḍ bin Lādin; March 10, 1957 – May 2, 2011 was the founder of al-Qaeda, the Terrorist Organization.

On the list of Ten Most Wanted Fugitives and Most Wanted Terrorists, who commandeered two planes to fly into New York City’s World Trade Center in 2001, lived for several years with no less than three wives in luxurious comfort in a huge multi-million-dollar mansion that sticks out like a sore thumb amidst the squalor – and not in a cave as he wanted his supporters to believe – and situated only about a kilometer southwest of the Pakistan Military Academy in Bilal Town, a suburb of Abbottabad and just a couple of hours from Islamabad, the Pakistani capital, and the Pakistani government claims it doesn’t know anything about it.

Was shot and killed inside a private residential compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan, by U.S. Navy SEALs and CIA operatives in a covert operation ordered by U.S. President Barack Obama.

The body of the world's most powerful symbol of Islamist militancy was buried at sea after he was shot in the head and chest by US special forces who were dropped inside his sprawling compound by Blackhawk helicopters.

Bin Laden, 54, was given a sea burial after Muslim funeral rites on a US aircraft carrier, the Carl Vinson. His shrouded body was placed in a weighted bag and eased into the north Arabian Sea, the US military said.

The fact that the al-Qaida chief had lived in the compound for such a long time has prompted some U.S. lawmakers to demand a review of the billions of dollars in aid the United States provides Pakistan, which is fighting a Taliban insurgency.

Still, it was too soon to say whether bin Laden's presence in Abbottabad reflected Pakistani complicity or incompetence.

These retards don’t even know how to lie properly.

Incredulous isn’t it?

They must have gone to the same school as those buffoons who run Myanmar.

The circumstance of bin Laden's death may not only jeopardize that aid but also will no doubt deepen suspicions that Pakistan has played a double game, and perhaps even knowingly harbored the al-Qaida leader.

With bin Laden's death, perhaps the central reason for an alliance forged on the ashes of 9/11 has been removed, at a moment when relations between the countries already are at one of their lowest points as their strategic interests diverge over the shape of a postwar Afghanistan.

I still doubt though if he is really been caught and assassinated!

- Anonymous' Male, 45, Pakistan

Thursday, May 12, 2011

THE GUILT over the years

I did not have a normal upbringing, I was raised by my adoptive parents. Over the years, though nothing was directly said to me. I bore the brunt of temper, anger and peoples greed. Whatever was done to me or given to me, came as a favor. New clothes for festival (Diwali) meant - "poor boy, let us give him some" hand me downs from rich cousins. Well I never had any qualms about it for whatever they have done to me. I am only grateful and I think my this life time will be less to repay their kindness or what they have done to me. today I breathe the air, because someone chose to adopt me.

Eventually I grew up faster than my age, I guess and my sister got married.

It was sometime later, when we all went for a vacation to our ancestral home. My sister was expecting then and she was with other family members then, and I got to share the bedroom with my brother in law. All was well, we were kind of joking and discussing future etc. when we fell asleep.

Sometime during the night I woke up to my brother in-law's arms nudging me. I instinctively put my hand down, only to realize it was touching my brother in laws organ. It was semi hard and in no time it was hard. He put his hand across my pyajamas and pulled the drawstring and slid his hand inside my pyajamas. At the same time he was gently pushing my head towards his crotch and in the darkness my hands could make out his shape and slowly his organ made way to my mouth. It was the first time something like this was happening. I was breathing hard i remember. he kept pushing, sliding in and out of m mouth, while his hands were fondling me. it was something new and I did not know how to react as it happened very quickly.

After the act, he just pulled up his pyjamas and went to sleep turning the other way.

Next morning was normal for him, but my world changed.

Over the years when I visited them again, he made attempts to sleep with me, but I never spent a night again with him. sometimes he would visit our home but I kept my distance

I do feel guilty of what happened and every time I see my sister and him together, I feel jealous, I feel guilty that I shared something very personal that was to my sister.

I am sure you would hate me even more after this. - Anonymous (30 yr(as told), Male, Delhi,India)

Sunday, May 8, 2011

What Being A MOTHER Means To Me

I think that being a mother is the most pleasurable rewarding challenging experience that I could ever now. From the beginning... that first sight of that little being you have been nurturing and keeping safe for the past nine months is enough to make you cry and laugh it is the most beautiful moment in life.

The touches the smiles being 100% dependent on you.Watching them grow,tears in your eyes when they hurt themselves. It is like you have been hurt.Watching as they leave home to go to school for the first time.Your heart is breaking.

That first little picture how proud you are.

Illnesses how you wish you could take it away from them and go through it yourself.
The above things never change because you will always be there mum.In later life you
are right there for them through thick and thin. You will always cry or weep for them either in sadness or happiness.The day our firstborns were born we became a mother.I did not get a manual on how to be a mum did you.

There is no such thing as a perfect mum.You plod along the best you can and learn from your mistakes. Watching your children grow. Loving them un-endlessly.

Being beside them through there life. Just being the best that you can be. To give your life in place of there's .THAT'S WHAT BEING A MOTHER MEANS TO ME - Mummabear,54

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Men scared of LETTING IT OUT' Why?

As another man leaves the bedroom or boardroom I take respite over the cup of green tea “organic of course” to ask myself. Why are men scared of letting it out?

Conditionally a man whose more prone to say what’s on my mind than not, I find myself slowly forming a smaller circle of men who would opt to say what they feel as against the majority who would rather not. Interestingly enough I have discussed this with the many who have not and I find in their silence lies the refuge of protection.

How often has he said…Dont you feel it in the way I hold you? Cant you see it in my eyes? Aren’t my actions enough?...& the many others which come in their vein.

This brings me to ask…

Why do I need to hear the words? Why is it that important are the actions, illusions, implied manners not enough? Is the intention not as reassuring as the affirmation of what’s said? And I always come to the same conclusion, in the end the said words or written passages are what last in more ways with some sense of permanence. It forms a level of commitment that in silence doesn’t allow an assumption of what could be but actually what is AND, in this classic quandary is the reason why we as men often resort to implied affections by silence and act rather than words. The words said cannot be taken back we always say and the said phrase provides a commitment which is questioned as against us saying, but I never told you so!!. As minds wander one starts going into the minds of men to wonder what is it that scares us so, is the constant need of grey, the idea of keeping options open, the search of knowing that if I say not then I am therefore less vulnerable . So we believe we are protecting ourselves and other’s. Is the risk of getting our hands dirty by virtue of words so bad one asks? Then there is of course history and how ones is brought up, social context, cultural values, politics of men& women and the sexes and related propriety the list can be endless when one starts charting the reasons of how one defines the reasons.. So we wonder whose right then or what is right finally?
“The cup sits on the table looking back at me empty and as I stare back in silent conversation like the many men I have dated. In the end should we not speak, or be scared to say. We are not cups after all.”

Interestingly often stereotypes of men also hinder the spoke syllables. The man who says too much is far too needy or too effeminate or it is sexier to be the strong silent type. In his silence and closed heart lies the challenge, he’s too weak or too insecure. It’s possible in some cases there can be truth given the circumstances but largely its again behind these perceptions one finds refuge to run away from it all. Escape being easy one runs down the road realizing that sometimes coming back has far too many stop signs. Years pass and one gets so safe in this haven that even casual expressions become hard. In protecting our self we become so protected that the cover becomes more a cage than shield. While I personally believe one must show restraint at times, but in the long run we should say what we feel than not. The moment that passes to say usually never comes back and in the end they all add up to feelings unsaid.

Life being as short as it is and given the few chances we may find our happiness, is the moment not better when we have said what’s in our minds and heart or taken the moment and written our feelings for that time. Even if the moment doesn’t last, at least one can look back and think of what was for that moment -the truth’. Even when the heart breaks later or one replaces the cup of tea with many glasses of wine to drown one self, the silence of what was misread cannot be changed even if one had spoken or one had not.

Therein the honesty of that time is preserved by what we said or heard and the honesty is what we treasure and if at all build up on if the chance arises again.

Say the word and be the happier for it.- 37,Salsaboyz, Delhi,India

Friday, May 6, 2011

Shadow of Time-Monsoon Story

It is better to say that I started living since July 16th 2001. Though I was born on February 12th 1990. I came to this place (Jawahar Navodaya Vidyalaya Malampuha, Palakkad(district), Kerala(state) India) on that date. But now I've got to leave. In this eve of departure I don't know what's in mind. I'm pretty sad and nostalgic, but somewhere inside my mind I wish to leave this hell (or heaven? I'm not sure)...But I know one thing, I love this place than my home and there is something that holds me back here. These corridors that sometimes haunts me in my nightmares sometimes comes as the sweetest dream. So now you might have under stood this miniature world of mine is a mixture of sadness and mirth like "Yin Yang". This is a boarding school where we see our parents once in a month(sometimes we do not) and goes home twice a year.But we love to hang up here with our pals and merrymaking gangs playing basketball. Teasing friends, mocking girls And a lot of fun with a little flavor of sad times and a lot of hardships to face.

Navodaya is a cool place. As i told earlier there are sorrows and mirth. Now I'm gonna share a few stories that I wish to shout out.

Now its been about 5 months after I got out of JNV..You might be thinking why it took this long to make my next post. Most of the alumni of my school(Sorry I forgot..The term "Alumni" includes me too) use to say the world out there is really bizarre and everyday is a new experience. I literally understood that. I struggled to write my board exams because of a pain in my left thigh...When it came to the last few exams it grew bigger and I was totally exhausted. Primary diagnostics found it was just a muscle injury. I believed it because as I play Basketball its not surprising to have a muscle injury.Taking a painkiller I sat to write the Maths exam(The 2nd last one).But in the exam hall I was brought to my tears by the extreme pain. Somehow I finished the exam..Then the next day we all went home. Only the guys who opted for computer science were told to return back 4 the exam..I was one among them. But I got only two days in my home(My friends Ajith & Suraj were there with me). Just after 2 days I was admitted in a hospital nearby..There I was treated for hamstring muscle injury for almost a week.My friends all came to see me..But there was tension inside me, because there was one more exam left for me. All my expectations was on it..One day before the Computer Science exam I got temporarily discharged from the hospital and went to school..And I wrote the exam. Now when the results came I'm the topper in that subject. But my aggregate went down.But when I got the result I was not in a mood to think about it. Because the pain in my leg which we all ignored (Not wholly ignored ,but didn't give much care) turned out to be "CANCER". Perosteal Osteosarcoma a sort of Malignant bone cancer. When and how I got this thing known to me?. Its Heavily raining out there right now. Let me take my crutches and get some hot coffee now.

I studied in a boarding school till my XII th class. I told you all those stories.And I told the story till the detection of cancer in brief. Now I'll tell it in detail. And that was my last year in the school. (I passed out in 2008).But when I was about to have my final year board exam I found some pain in my left thigh, I thought it was a muscle injury cause I was a basketball player. But the pain started growing in its intensity and a small growth was felt underneath my skin..I went to the medical consulter in the school she knowing how heavy exercise we had and how hard I play told its nothing more than a muscle injury. My exams started ,but the pain grew ruthlessly. I wrote one exam taking a painkiller injection. But couldn't attempt my Maths exam before that pain swallowed me and I was taken to hospital, where doctors misdiagnosed me of hamstring muscle injury. I was admitted there till my last exam they continued physiotherapy and stuffs. I was broken by then.I was expecting good score in the exam and my plan was to get into IIT (India).I never knew what was about to come.After getting temporary relief from the pain went to Kota(Rajasthan,India) to join IIT JEE coaching there, the pain curbed me again. There I was treated by a physician who also thought it of some muscle injury but he became doubtful after seeing no recovery. He then sent me to a orthopedic doctor, he by seeing just one x-ray called my dad and uncle and send to take me back and get a good treatment ,it could may be cancer or they're gonna loose me. I never accepted it saying I'll stay back and study but that night dad got me a flight ticket and told me to leave but I told him I'll only come if he promise me to take me back after the treatment is over coz getting iit was more than a dream to me. I flew back and after the diagnosis in the hospital I got it sure that it was cancer...Then I had an open biopsy surgery after few days when the result came it was "osteosarcoma in the left femur bone". I searched the Internet and found the cures where "Amputation","Chemotherapy" and stuffs... But there I stood bold.

It's been so long...And it's not a great issue since I don't have regular & curious readers of my blog. Every time I get logged in I swear to me to be a regular blogger and as all the promises I give myself this one also fade out..I've been telling you(I dunno if there's anyone reading this) the life story of mine...It's pretty difficult to narrate all the events since it's been more than a year since I posted my last stuff..So let's cut to the present..I survived Cancer and now I'm in good condition and my life's awesome than ever before..Now the biggest dilemma is the choice of my destiny...hey it's the biggest dilemma of all men (no offense to feminists..So here it goes..To all women too).So sorry for the cliché. So here let me start again...Don't panic I'm not gonna start my life story again..I'm gonna start blogging again.. At least let me hope so.

Monsoon Story> So back to the desk again. It's raining here, listening to "Stan" on iTtunes . Tomorrow leaving for Amma's home. I'm planning to take a few friends with me. We are actually heading for a function/ritual that's been conducted for more than 100 years in the family. It happens every year. I couldn't attend it for the last few years. People at mom's home are kind of "Old school". They conduct almost every religious ceremonies there viz "Sarpa Pooja","Sarpam thullal"(Hey they ain't "Serpent People"),and all those astrological stuffs. Oh yeah I skipped two grand functions: "Ayyapan Vilakku" & "Shrardham". As a kid I loved all those functions, because that was the time when all the cousins from all over the globe get under one roof. And we kids made all kind of nuisance to the elders. Now tomorrows function is "Aaandi oottu". The literal meaning is "Feeding the poor". During the heavy rain in the olden days the farmers all around Kerala suffered a lot of the havoc. So all the rich(And kind) families used to feed all the suffering people, they where given full fledged lunch and enough grains to survive. My granny used to tell me all those stories of hundreds of people who gather around my ancestral home and about the whole family reunion that happens on the occasion . Also Amma use to tell all those times when she was a kid. She used to watch the gathering down through the old window with my aunts and see the suffering faces. Even people from far away places came. They spread their clothes, "Mundu" the one that they wear on the floor and put two huge plantain leaves and our servants bring rice and pour it like water on them, at the same time food was served to the family members inside the house. They never eat that right away but fold the cloth with the rice inside and take it with them on their head. And she described the scene of people leaving with these huge baggages, that cooked rice was enough for them for 2 or 3 days. Now the function is merely for namesake. The number of such people who come for this is reduced. And the number of family members attending this as she says :"People enough for a marriage function" is now diminished.Whatever, tomorrow I'm gonna go and see how far the literal meaning of the word "Aandi oottu" is valid. It's now time for me to sleep. So I'll get to you after the function.

The last time told you that I'll give you details about the trip that I had to my mom's place. You know I'm a lazy person. So in a nutshell the whole trip was awesome. We had a gala time. And my prejudice was right(That thing happens rarely) there where very few people from the family, around 50. And I didn't see any poor people there, ofcourse it can be my mistake. But either way the function seemed awesome to me, especially the "Payasam". All my buddies loved the feast. One guy even yelled at us to stop our vehicle at the gate before leaving to get back and get some more "Payasam".So that's it. Now I'll get back with more soon.Take care.
- Bunuval, Palakkad,Kerala,India

Tuesday, May 3, 2011


I tell you! It's a Experience and remember when you visit a place called HOSPITAL, and when you start adding humor and practicality to ones emotional surrounding and what's troubling you inside Hospital is one such place likewise many where you shall find a lot more similar cases like you trying to live life, with smiles on there faces, with screams of pain and to one's to It's like you feel easy pouring your distress, pain, comfort happiness and confront a lot of similar less privileged human souls on this planet, similar to you, totally opposite and some ,very few still fighting it back. still trying to recover from there lifeless living, some trying to adjust,compensate, compliment and substitute!

I went to this hospital early morning around 9;30 am, and was back by 1;30. But what I went through in this time gap was precious and I could not help myself sharing it on FB! It took me all those hours to confront a great deal of misery around me,yet happiness somewhere of some sort within me!

With the music on my cellphone, earphones to my ear!, and in between checking my FB updates,SMS's & taking calls! I at once also activated a fake call on my cell, to get the attention I wanted! I was not far from the world that was with me, within my reach! I cried, I smiled,I listened to ever conversation my ears could catch, I made faces because of all the stuff that was deep inside me and the stuff which was going around me I could not have had controlled a little impractical and emotionally perturbed me! It was like my whole life just blinked through my eye lid, from everything to everyone, people, places, things etc.!

Meanwhile the people around me, on wheel chair's and on the stretcher's! Some sitting as a attendant with there family! Eyes watching me too,& noticing my eyes wondered there moves too! Interestingly at times you want to talk to a very few people when you are at such places, and you certainly find someone or the other who would want to develop a conversation with you talking about any damn thing!

There was a new married couple wit a pink cloth bag with utilities n stuff in it,I did not peeped into it since it was far, else would have notice what all it had, lol, jokes apart! en-quiring about the CT Scan, half of them standing and half of them seated! a guy in his rolled denim Capri's and a t shirt, with a cell in hand' with his dad, sitting impatiently though but not showing it! His dad said I wanted to lie down on these chairs & he said you would not be in a position to rest on them or lie down, but father insisted and he made him lie down. I could see a stick that his dad carried along with him and a green color plastic bag which had stuff! he kept asking his son, when are they going to call me for the treatment, and he said will take some one and a half hour more, since they were since in the Que & before there number could come there we 2 more patients on the roll! He kept on asking his son about the same in between! Then this new married couple started to converse with this guy, & later when the person I was with who I had come along to get checked and stuff, kept asking how much time, when and for what are you here, whats the procedure and time period & all that. The guy (married couple) kept asking time to time, are you going for the check up now, do did they inserted the injection and medicine and all, did the check -up went well, till the time it happened! his wife seems to be a quite affectionate and sweet likewise himself! well those two got the son who came with his father who was lying on the chair relaxing to converse and talk about there stories and experience discussing about medicines and treatment and illness of all sorts!

They laid an old lady on the stretcher with two of his family people with her, she kept telling them I am having pain in my foot.and the guy got up and massaged it for her. then later she wanted to get up for a while and she was addressed by the other person.

One more lady(teenager) came on a wheelchair, rather a girl, with an oxygen mask on her mouth, with one family member who continuously stood there non stop and addressed her with water that she wanted to drink, patting on her back, and moving his hand on her head, bending down on his knees to talk to her, and ask her. Well they were much far from me, so I could not get what they were talking about!

Then came a lady(aunty) on a wheelchair, along with 3 people! I was surprised thought when she got up when her nae was called! I for a minute had thought she could not walk! Typical Punjabi family I must say, the way they were dressed and were talking ,interesting though!

Then there was also a lady (aunty) with three attendants. who had a fractured leg, She kept on noticing and was bothered about everything happening around her! She noticed me more, I wonder why! Finally it was now the number of this wheelchair lady and she was on the next roll to be addressed by the doctor's treatment, The married couple were also almost through with there rests and all. This guy who had his dad sleeping were about to go for the treatment as well. Well I saw them moved to the other room waiting for there turn as I passed them while leaving the hospital premise!

Later after all the music numbers and FM channels that I listened to skipped and the FB ids I logged in and out from, a message or two I sms'ed. It was time to big a bye bye. We went out of the Hospital to a cafeteria nearby to have a coffee and a mango juice! & then we were called at the hospital for doctor wanted to have a word! We went, and there again I saw the son and the dad, sitting! It seemed that they were through with the stuff, and waiting for the report or may be a talk with the doctor, For a minute I thought I should talk and inquire if things were well, the checkup was through with! well then I thought and give it a second thought of not doing so! I passed them again finally bidding the hospital and the people and everything that I went through and through! Happy about that I have a memory to think about whenever I would want to recall it! and it certainly was one half day almost I was stranded and utilized to the best! The worst part was coming out to the sun! wanted so badly to go back home, take a bath, eat something, and drink something cold! and a bath! well well well lovely experience though!

I had no intention or had never thought would be updating this on a blog/FB, but I guess it was worth! - Anonymous (34 yr, Male, Delhi,India)