I am a Cloud Storage

"The world was on fire and no one could save me but 'who', its strange what desire will make foolish people do".

This not so fanciful state of glorified mockery of lifeless perception that I am dying in slowly to, trying to persuade myself to chin up and showeth thee, that I was strong enough.

I've recently found myself being infatuated rightly or wrongly to completely different things and people lately. At the same time, I have found myself in a sorry full state of being pressurized in and out of clever intentions that have given me a high, and low for all the little momentum of things, I might have tried hard and not even tried at all to persuade my being in existence to seldom let off go the nuances. I have been my best critic, and often shelled out my energy & time, pulling in and out the criticized clutter to the core. The world seems like a flock of foe fellows.

Feels like I have been patient enough, I could panic any moment now. I could only rant & vent in ways, I could.

One side of me wants to stay happy, and keep myself entertained, and the other side of me, wants to tuck myself in a blanket and sleep, snoring as if nothing was wrong, being forgetful could have been a blessing in disguise, where in, random sets of garbage could get recycled in a vicious circle and add on to my very being. My heart & my mind has been evaded, and I've been finding myself struggling to rhyme poetically the Shakespearean ideology of thoughts that haunt me down to a nostalgic memory lane.

I am not a smart-phone, not even smart enough to be cunning to be precise. yet feel like my battery of life, seems to have been dying, being at the wrong place of time, surrounded by not so very merciful tantrums in the midst of my irenic beliefs. I know there could be few of the reasons that I feel, could justify my reasoning to adjust odd and evens of the way life comes to me. If at all, I was to deal with it all alone by myself, I would have been one insanely starved soul, trying to figure out ways to deal with it. Breathe-in and out, be at peace and stay calm, whatsoever, despite how harder it gets - stand still & grounded to the petite uselessness that guarantees nothingness.

Sometimes I feel, I am like a android operated & equipped 'cloud storage in logical pools', hooked to the internet trying to get across the network, and drain all the juices here and there, knowingly, it to be of no good. I feel hard saying 'Ok Google' when nothing is okay at all, or even afraid of asking 'Alexa' the question" How am I feeling today". I nevertheless wish I was a 'iphone' when today android seems so passé. I cant help being am old school sorts & eventually it wont do any good either. I am rather a 'Iprone' considering I am prone to the seldom useless shit.

I pamper myself with all the reasons to stay alive, and yet find ways to not pester myself with all the odds. Good Sex, Hogging on to everything that's edible and a good sleep is all I dream of right now. Sometimes, I feel I could just go on a long vacation, with a like minded, comforting thee with a sense of conditional security, irrespective of expectations.

"Figuratively speaking, I often feel like a piece of meat in a cold storage that's vulnerable to the core shelved with a price tag often bartered for free - unwillingly confined to thee confounded nuisance, that I want to flee away from. It's hopeless to hope that there still is any hope left. I've stopped hopping anymore."

I feel, I am a cloud, that busted into drizzles now & then...often. In shades of grey... sigh!- 'Its a wicked Game, in a heart shaped world' No body loves no one. - Anonymous.

Closeted Stubbornness

We live in a world where things are becoming less black and white and more "OK, do what you want, just don't bother me." But there are some things where there really is no grey area. You're either doing it the right way, or you're dicking up the whole operation.

Have you ever noticed that your mind is constantly chatting away? That voice in our head speculates, complains, judges, compares, etc. We habitually think and worry about the future, and if we are not doing that, we are replaying past events in our minds. Our thoughts and our mental dialogues/monologues are compulsive – they have taken most of us over. And the insane thing is that we don’t even realize it – we are on autopilot! Most of us just go through life chatting to ourselves incessantly and letting our conditioned mind run our lives. Since we have become so identified with our mind, we derive our sense of self from it. The present moment holds the key to liberation. But you cannot find the present moment as long as you are your mind. Become present and fully accept what is. Accept the moment as it is. When you resist what is, you create pain for yourself. Only the present can free you from the past. Surrender to what is.

Stop asking people to do this, do that, trying to change thee shall be of no worth if you yourself are prone to no change, try improvising your torturous and miserably misinterpreted ideology of self shelved Pandora . Don't escape but rescue yourself from getting invisibly tampered & recycled to this viciousness that hinders you from growing away from this life at stake risk "stale-state". Come out of the closeted irony of non indulgence and grow up, showing some faith in your self.

I am so done with the chatting part with you. Your stubbornness to the core with your set of presumptions every time with dialogues in repetitions exchanged over long pauses and several lengthy time lapse (suiting to your own convenience).

You better be sure of what you say and commit to this time so we are well prepared & equipped and do not fall prey to anything beyond what was said and done away with again and again. Write it down on a piece of paper - The fact is, your lame aspirations shall bear no fruit, until you put in effort and act upon. Waiting and watching in a state so bewildered and disillusioned gives no one nothing. Make your existence worth living.

I don't know why every time I end up wasting my time explaining things. I've drained my energy on you before, but you won't understand until you experience it yourself as you grow. It ain't worth any effort , you don't lend your ear effectively in order to adapt and act resourcefully in the best optimum way. So no more pieces of advisory or statutory warnings to you.

Some people don't change - You are one of them. Semi diluted in a state of insoluble occurrence, that showeth no faith to become a solvent ever, no matter how easy one could wisely chose. You only rant and vent in a state...shuffling formless, when you could proportionally utilize from substitutes available and compliment yourself with. 

Stop imitating the erratic shit. - Anonymous

Little Bed Riding Hood

"The hidden, seeing & the peeping seemed to have been invading my privacy"

It didn't let me sleep no matter how hard I tried. Something or the other kept popping like a thoughtful window, with doors left and right as I took turns to settle to a less sleepless peace. These wide open eyes, just couldn't help noticing these shadows of the dancing leaves, on the wall next to my bed, that had these joyous or depressed impressions of the light & no light tantrums that the winds might have tamed.

While the mosquitoes seem to have been buzzing straight onto my face & ears, flapping there wings, beating up to as much as thousand times per second - getting all sort of biological signals, odor & carbon dioxide from me to find their next blood meal. Why on the earth these insects (female mosquitoes) had to suck on me to have there portion of protein to produce eggs, while the male mosquitoes chased there mate? I heard that they were attracted dark colors, but I wasn't wearing anything at all, and still they seem to have been chasing me, finding there way to flesh, that was wrapped in a thin white sheet. Although it was good to learn the fact, that some humans are just more attractive to mosquitoes than others, I feel so disheartened to realize, that humans didn't find humans attractive anymore.

I was cursing the poor little things & the repellent spray or the coil wont kill them & I wasn't willing to have this bloodshed by killing them myself.

After all the task-full customizing in hope to fall asleep but to no avail & then remembering what Mom used to say... "Start counting backwards" and you would fall to sleep, when I was a kid & it used to work, "a 100 to 1 count" would put me to sleep. but as I grew, It made me more curious about how it worked & would rather focus on counting and remembering imagery of numbers that usually doodled itself virtually and vanished one by one, and in the process I became more alert and nocturnally spoilt. Instead of being slaughtered by a sweet dream baby-sleep, I  was being a kindergarten kid who was counting to the countless. So the count increased from 500 instead. Well I don't do the counting now, I rather do other things, I am no longer a kid you see, i am an adult now. 

Most of the times its either too much sleep or no sleep at all, and I once in a month somehow, I find myself hung between those odd hours, when you wish you could die sleeping, but you were being like this imprisoned wanderer in a static state menopause.

Oh and yeah, did I told you about those funny weird things that used to happen to me when I was a kid. I am sure everyone had there part and parcel in their own childhood too. Besides the monsters under my bed, which I seldom used to be afraid of, I used to have hallucinations of myself flying-up among clouds and suddenly drowning-down in a frightful frenzy, though I always landed safe. Then there were these shadows that used to frighten me in dreams and geometrical cubes of sugar and salt that used to grow big and small and a few more, that I cant recollect now in accuracy.

It has even gone worse and vague now, this rationally practical approach to my dream land or hallucinated hollow seemed nights that I often struggle hard to shoo away, despite it viciously in loops drills my mind in a more attentively repulsive and erratic behavior and in-between somewhere whenever I fall prey to a sound sleep for any number of minutes, I am taken on a roller-coaster ride to and fro. The funny part is I most of the time acknowledge myself of being in a dream and not wanting to come out of it, wanting to wait till the end as if there was a story that I wanted to go through completely.

Damn!, I just slapped a mosquito that rolled down to my shoulder after biting me, "I wonder if he wasn't getting good sleep either". I rubbed the blood stains smeared on to my hand with the bed sheet. Guilty conscious over the sin that I had committed - seem to have burdened on to my shoulders of having killed thee & not having thee buried 'ironically'. Mosquito & I just had close-quarters at last.

I feel an urge to have something sweet, I am in my kitchen now, looking around, trying to find a clean spoon to feed myself with spoonfuls of honey. It never tasted so delicious, yummm! Here goes another, one more, few more, this ones the last and I stood there mesmerized to the imagery of a honeycomb waffled hexagonal walls, layered with honeylicious sweetness melting & pouring down in/on me, sufficing to my sweet toothed taste bud. Oh urgh! I realized looking at the bottle - I almost finished half of it which was almost full. Closing the lid air-tight & putting it back on the shelve, saving it for another day.

Back to my room, off to my bed & I already hear the birds chirping - I guess, I shall, I must, I should put myself to sleep now & dream or no dream, trying to do away with/avoiding hallucinated imagery, numbers, shadows, mosquitoes & everything else. (accomplice in arms trying to keep me awake)...Pipe down! 

I've been this "little bed riding hood" - "nearly home now, off the mad cow and feeling ill at ease, with chock-a-block nuances - Anonymous

Misfit Fondness

I must talk quick, for I'm unsure as to when this feeling I'm having shall fade.

Better is just a metaphor to an inner perspective, though it's hard to snuggle in and creep to thy innermost being, best may be miles apart, unless and until it's not an over clouded vague perspective of the subjective approach in a hope of not falling again for a delusional appearance, taking it for guaranteed every time.

We often fall prey to, and keep up with a stubborn necessity of what comes to us, infatuated to thy fanciful mirage in fondness as a companion for thy does not want to be a loner anymore. Hold on to your horses before you take a longer ride, for they might not lead you to a assuring finish line or a never ending roller-coaster ride, that may or may not be a goody good or a badly bad one.

Seeing is not always believing, the outer layers to thee skinfold fetish, no matter how sinful sing a parody of the innermost secrets lied beneath. Every next person you sit with, might just be dressed in a false pretentious. The trick is to withstand the graciously repenting fear and to overcome thee. We shall settle down to a figuratively pardoned dust of experiences, witnessing the platonic...subjective to mere quotations of wise aspirations, failing to churn the best.

One could only love oneself if one is assure of being loved, for what one is, in ones struggle to try hard being better, thy shall rescue oneself from the clutches of the irony of less loved and hatred for, thy knows it's hard to be in a troublesome fit of trying hard to rearrange oneself, out bursting to a world of misfit.

This heart looks for the excuses to say no, but this heart doesn't agree to any prohibitions I want to meet you and rebel against my own self. There is fire left in me still, try it. I'm giving myself to you (to do as you wish with me) O beloved, O beloved... - Anonymous

You

I'm looking at you. As if you are an exotic landscape, full of riddles under your clothes. Answers written backwards. your body is synonym of softness. A door - an exit may be. 

Your eyes searching for nothing. But here I am. The shadows of my touch towards you. I hear words - "caresses", skin to skin - empty flesh. I listen to my voice, like a string, like a circle saying, fill me up. Let me fill you up, to make someone new. Words, - pleasure,touch me, - with 
you, its a different touch. A different color, another sound, through the skin. Concave - on my knees. Convex - touch me. Fill me up - fill my name with your body - Guide me. Take me where we can - to your 
lips of hunger. Hunger - for spreading out. Someone else-to be somebody else-to be you.  

Not being here. We are not here-my voice, saying hunger. Spread out-Spread the legs, do it. The lips speak up. Spread out your body, take me away from my body. Speak up-take you to the touch of words. 
I hear a word from my voice-Pleasure, Your voice.

This is my body. Look at it-Ask me now how much or what you should do to get it. Trick me somehow, plot something and get me. If you get to me, I can show you some new places. Some new touches, New words, the place behind the word care. Caress yourself through me. Through my touch mixed with yours. Enter me. I am the one having you now. Come on. Let go. I'll take you. Listen to the flesh-your insides open up till they darken the touch. I here the flesh sticking and rubbing. I sin with roughness, with my hand on your chest, thinking about your messy hair. I hear my voice drawing the word hole.  

Cold skin, open mouth - You, the peak of a party I cant remember. To have your name on my body,to be your body,An empty but shiny new body-Fake. I'll have your name, and we'll be like death. A hollow voice saying, Pleasure. Howl to flesh. Your eyelids spread out, the circle of your iris spin. And your deep mouth gets closer to mine. You are inside, just by looking at me. 

Come! - Anonymous

Me

This is a recording-I hear myself saying it, Please leave a message. There's no one here. A voice in me states, I'm not here. Listen but I am not here. I am a hole listening to itself saying nothing. A mumble, A hole, A body, Me. Naked, like a saint pierced by arrows, forgotten on this empty shelf. An empty saint on a shelf on display, or in a supermarket freezer. Frozen meat going bad. Me.

Break the void to find you. Break the gap, to open up a hole where I may fit in to breathe, to break the silence, to yell, to be a howl, until I can be somebody else. A hole, in my body.A howl, that no one hears.

There's no one here. I can see myself having a big walk. I go forward, I know the echo of a voice leading me to the echo of my own voice. But there is no need to move forward, when I already lose myself without moving.

"They can destroy us & if I don't exist tomorrow, I want to be able to say at least I made it."

Solar spores float through the room. Sometimes I feel as if I was drowning. I am out of air.Not even a small shriek from my voice. Solar spores float through the room. Sometimes I feel that I have no face. New shapes of corpses, actually. Flesh meat, expensive clothes. Empty bottles and broken glass, music,at least the echo of it. I imagine myself lost amidst colourful trash, burned under tools of yesterday. Drowned amidst colourful plastic cups and then Id yell. It would break my head to save me.

My story is this apartment, this room. I don't know, I cant remember who was here.

There's no one here, my voice is here... - Anonymous

Epic Boner

You make me more hungry, I was just about to eat chocolate cookies & drink oreo shake... reading in between those empty spaces and lines, on your profile & looking at your pictures, that caught my attention over this social networking site.

You don't have to be a epic boner or a traveler or a foodie to fall into a category of a learned one, what else does anyone need, I questioned thee? Wisdom was the answer I got in reply.

Wisdom is not what people shall seek on such sites, despite libraries were built and now everyone was given a handful of knowledge easily accessible via Internet. Sadly they shall see no light, because they are more curious for the material lust. No one was ready to be benefitted being a scholar by choice or no choice. Evident it was, that everyone was here to kill time and churn into a story of a sluggish useless life. ‘Eternal Sunshine Of a Spotless Mind - Every prayer accepted, every wish resigned’. Let there be love. Let there be light. Let us all come out of sorrows of a selfish plight. Let thy soul be a dweller of knowledge and no more shall one be friends with apprehensions so uneasy, that fright.

What was I looking for came as a question to me, to which I replied,... My answer to that, have often mistakenly misinterpreted. I am looking for everything & anything & nothing specific as such, It could possibly be whatever you or anyone else would want. Nevertheless I was of a belief that, we seldom don't get what we are looking for completely to a perfection. I am absolutely fine with whatever you are looking for & hopefully I could suffice you with, even without knowing what it was to start with. Sound suspiciously mischievous right?. Well...it’s as real it could be. Trust me! I’ve dwelled through passages of time, escaping through the narrower & remotest of conclusive of possibilities that could ever exist or potentially be. I was yet to realize & get familiarized with. It's been days, weeks months, years...been a while, I’ve learnt to keep my innermost longings secretive & not having them spilled out to everyone. You never know when least expected, they could settle down taking refuge under happy endings away from the whole act of running away. 

Often tricked by the controlled selfish freaks, I’ve seldom had my longings locked & caged. I have been spoilt, adapting to this over indulgence often because of my negligence - wasting my time and energy onto unworthy - a mimicry of sorts, out bursting to a rage holy-unholy.

'Running, trying to escape the erasing, so endearing...so desperate to escape'

I wrote something, I thought it got delivered but, it vanished...the text came. It got delivered, followed by (though it was difficult to put in pieces the actual thought process of the words and grammar in right places, that made perfect sense before I could make out what it meant - sounded gibberish to me, and out of the context!)...I replied. I am glad, it didn't evaporated at all in vein.

Lot to learn from you, keep in touch the text flashed again...We’ll surely learn a great deal from each other certainly my friend...’We alone shall not witness our strength and weakness for life and death’ I texted back.

You are right.. thy said...to which I replied... We all have our part & parcels of wrongful and rightful & the corrections and amendments are believed to be there to revive the mistaken and see through the righteousness. We can only accept what was near - how we felt, what we saw or what is spoken or heard and often neglected or be blinded by a distanced forgotten & untold unknowingly in our disbelief to the unheard and unknown.

I could kiss you right now, I texted, and a muawh is reciprocated in return...Followed by a hug from both ends virtually.

'Every single line is like a dream, like a little wisp of pink cloud that is floating by and you want to hang on to every word that is being said'

After a gap, the conversation seem to have had ended there with a Bye, but since I could see thee online, I managed to rush down to a little lesser intellect, on a personal note, distracting thee...texting...Are you horny right now? ... with a raucous laughter!. There was no response. Not sure if at all, it shall conclude further or just pass by. 

At the end, the conversation had left you with a boner? Epic! - Anonymous

The Shadows

Ah! be gracious, tenderly relenting, Take not back thy gifts with churlish hand; Let the breath of thy serene consenting, Falter through the weary land. Anywhere or everywhere around-surround, I find no beauty to rejoice to, thee compels me no more, for my soul is my only companion, that travels with me, it finds content staying peaceful or sobbed and soaked wherever I be. It does not gets tamed or lured to any more beyond my skin. He would have loved to get a tan though, but he is afraid to get out in the sun. He loves the moonlight terraces but scared to death in lonesome fear he denies to exit from his comfort zone. Like a toddler he is afraid of shadows at night too. He might just be too afraid, fearing his own shadow. Most people think that shadows follow, precede, or surround beings or objects. The truth is that they also surround words, ideas, desires, deeds, impulses and memories. -Elie Wiesel Despite he happily peeps from thy window, to the world of alive and dead. but more often hides inside confiding to its habituated par excellence of existence. His very own existence. He is afraid of my shadow, he think it's going to eat him if he steps out. Seen that, done that, it seeks no more, for I carry him wherever I go. You're afraid of your own shadow And I won't let you walk in mine. There's a light somewhere inside you, but you will not let it shine...I told you as your lover I told you as a friend. All I can do is show you now. The only way I can. We've come this far and we'll go no farther. Well every now and then the brain is poisoned and the heart is drenched and soaked in piles of this that bit & shit. With its own smiles & miseries, Life stays quite and is grounded still, soon headed to go more miles pretending to ditch. My shadow is red It´s different from yours, I´m here today, hidden in the dark...The light brings the shadow of which I must run. There's this vicious cycle of moon & the sun. I so wish , he was not afraid & fear no more, and rise & shine in its own love galore - Anonymous

Surrender

The very fact that we are possessed of the quest for the self & once we submit, the evil is either nipped in the bud or crushed in the germ itself or grows more powerful. It is to merge in the source of the ego & kill it(The death of the ego).

To a lover, friend, a stranger, an opponent or enemy, to God or yourself - Surrendering could just be one of the many reasons that you would chose to comply or do away with. Whether its an excuse or possibly a easy narrow escape, a broader perspective or just an experience of self indulgence to an ill fate or a disguised mate.

We surrender our thoughts, our actions, our relationships, our personal fulfillment, our dreams and our failures & successes.

Either surrender because you admit your inability or investigate into the cause of misery, complaint about your defects and deficiencies reluctantly or under compulsion. Verbal-action oriented, conditional-unconditional, reserved-unreserved - Be it a willful wholehearted acceptance or rejection in parts, yielding to a dominating force and its will or deliver up possession of on demand or under duress or about finding some peace - everyone will have a piece of himself/herself being surrendered to.

Its not like, you've been imprisoned. You got to know when to stop, learn when to draw a line & understand limits.No one is asking you or forcing you to surrender or submit to anyone or anything - either partially or completely. No one is asking you to abide by anything that appears or vanishes. It's completely your own choice.

Give up; render up! Go into the source and merge into the self - 'Thou are all’ and ‘Thy will be done’. Eagerness to do it must be equal to that of a man kept under water trying to rise to the surface for his life.

There is absolutely nothing fulfilling or rewarding forever. Neither is it always followed by calmness. It might leave you dwelling, craving for more & more & you would still try to figure out how to pacify your urges, Having said that, it does not imply that an act of‘a surrender’ every time would seldom ought to bring or have great outcomes. Everything whatsoever diminishes into nothingness of sorts. The amalgamation that one witnesses and confronts with is an outcome of ones rightful-wrongful doing. Its how you chose wisely.

The greater good could be achieved & cherished through and through only with a greater insight. It could uplift you on a positive note. Erasing everything whatsoever between those thick and thin philosophical realms of your pre-notioned archives of a life’s utter confusion at stake, letting one - let go momentously & forget and rejoice. The outcome would let you witness a re-union of emotional mental and physical up-front harmony in alliance or could also leave you alienated in pain, guilt & more self-conscious limitations.

If only you knew the art of surrendering, the sober and serene in its wildest of desirous dreams that might just be a length away, could come true & handy.

The knowing gets easier - Chances in approach would take diversions or lead to a satisfying or dissatisfactory agreement of sorts and there you would stand being surrounded, willing to shed the peculiarities of past present and future or being apprehensive & reluctant - going with the flow learning in the process, getting involved and evolved.

Conditional wall collapses and gets submerged deep down, that's how unconditional comes in. There lies no place for a verbal combat, the actions speak louder than words and everything seem to be said and done with, in this passage of time.

There would mostly be times, when it would be single sided but if it was either way, it could do miracles. Not everyone is willing to surrender to you in the same way you are willing to surrender to them. No matter how often or in bits & pieces you surrender to, at the end for a longer run, it shall matter whom you confided into wholeheartedly & whether you equally were able to take in everything else that surrendered to you.

You have to bend down a little, keep away your ego, forget about everything & everyone for once. If the end result is somewhat rewarding you’ve probably chosen the right one, right path & if its not, then you probably weren't lucky enough. Maybe you deserve something or someone better. Maybe you need to grow better yourself.

If you haven’t already ever surrendered, you've not made your life worth living. For once 'submit', try to feel how it feels like to be absorbed.

“I surrender to thee who surrender to me" - Anonymous

We are often deceived by outward genuflections, bowings and prostrations as much as we try to deceive. Nevertheless...I turn from my inhibitions and invite you to come(enter) into my heart, body & life. I want to trust and follow you as my savior. Now whether I get holy & sanctified or turn insane & remain a sinner...I surrender. You are my heaven & hell. Cutting the long chase short, I hope I understood it well.

At the end...I cry out to you, I know that I am a sinner. You've numbered my days - I ask for your forgiveness.-Anonymous

P.S "When there's a will there's a way"...I am a believer, but why on the earth would I be willing to completely give up my own will. Remember God loves a cheerful giver.

Friends with Benefits II

Embarking on to a journey that just started, struggling to find the more we dwelled. if at all, it might last or be an end to soon. It took us with a surprise without a benefit of doubt, certain we were going to have a good time together. Paralyzing our hormones into a stand still of if and buts of abruptly sufficing to things in limits.

Everyone has there own sets of expectations, conditions, urges & a task-full attempt to get lured, not necessarily pretty.

We are choosers, our own masters - reluctantly or wishfully adapting to the agreeable or denied and hence we for our own good or worse let it hung in between, based on our past experiences and future outcomes perceptibly peculiar & uncertain, possibly unseen to this situation we got our selves shelved or involved into. These self inflicting conscious mind set shades of grey, risen from a convincingly comfortable agreement that we came in reunion with.

We gave each other hints, but most of it was still piled under our skin. I tried making these moves with minimum effort to convince you and make you feel easy, adapting to the limitless boundaries, yet not forcing anything upon you, or make it look or sound like I was being too pushy. 

My emotional strings in aspiring tendency to not let go off the thoughts that were running deep down, wanting to unleash the person I was inside, wanting to pour out my interpreted dialogues in conversation of whispers to you when I was beside you(a complete stranger). You too felt the same deep inside but were hesitant not to break the self raised & erected boundaries and seemed committed to keep the promise you made to yourself. But it seemed like, was on the very edge(verge) of getting affected or being broken very likely-unlikely slowly or gradually in bits & pieces.

The demarcated wall between us, still confessing to have been eager to make it invisible and rejoice, carrying ourselves to this caught up act, being pushed forward by our hidden secretive desire to mingle in a strange way. Struggling to pour from both ends and spilled, getting us drenched to this pleasure-some harmony of flesh and soul, we stopped unsure of how the other person felt, couldn't mess it up and had to play it safe.

We have often, now & then find reasons to console, ourselves with & relate when it comes to letting go of our unacceptable self centered wit. We play blindfolded to this existence of greed deep inside us, knowingly not to have possibly had agreed upon to.

Friends with benefits or without? I often wondered, if at all it wasn't going to be beneficial why were we being friends for? We tend to mingle, because we are single, and in our desirous approach to get benefitted befriended. I guess everything had its pros & cons, and flaws & merits.  

The world - "every other person was a stranger, yet everyone desired in the same fashion, existed with the same relevance of benefitting and not letting it go."

Are we meeting or mating again? Was there remotest of possibility, we could be friends? - Anonymous

Friends with Benefits I

Holding hands that warmed up our hormones to a world-full of ecstasy. That kiss on your neck, the other on your waist, cupping your breasts with my hands while you turned your back to me, while we laid on the bed. Trying to reach out to your earlobes to bite them and suck upon them, while making an attempt to turn you over to smooch, and your hands sliding down my pants to pamper my assets. I stopped you & turned you over, massaging your back and shoulders, keeping you totally un-stripped(partly naked) yet my hands under your clothes above & around you. 

This music played & it had by now turned into a delightful ride. There was us (you & me), on bed, playing this game of indulgence, in layers partly dwelled & the ones kept hidden - a little reluctant on our side.   

Why would we possibly restrict ourselves to the things that we did. You seemed apprehensive about letting me entangle your lips with mine. We could have taken a slow & steady flight into a beautiful alliance of love making. The breathless heartbeat skipped its beats, while we passionately touched and our bodies ran over and rubbed each-others skin. I could smell the youthful fragrance of your flesh while my lips felt every possible corner of you.

I cared. I wanted us both to feel comfortable with each other and confide wholeheartedly. As much I was willing to give you all of myself, I wanted you to give me all of you willingly.

So close, yet miles apart. Why was the only thing between our legs, to be summed up and concluded as a task-full endurance to this end result oriented episode, why couldn't we blissfully into a soulful serene order with no limits could act sanely and madly in love. Of no wrongful that the heart and body desired, losing ourselves in a comfort of forgetting the world and reaching deep, losing ourselves to a limitless boundaries of passionate romance. Letting the mind, for once be a holy cave, that could showeth love and light.

"I could even lay down there like a dead meat, till you were finished with your attempts of sexual gratification of all sorts and so could you while I was finished with mine".

I ain’t no alien to, how this world works!, but still I hope and hope to perceive, there might be a soul, that could very much prove me right in believing, that there existed a connection between the two & had something to do beyond the craving of a flesh, and it certainly not had to be just a blowjob or a fuck to suffice, we didn't had to be totally or partly brutal every time or had to act superficially wise. I ain’t no saint or evil either, trying to cast spells over you, with desperate attempts to bring(lure) you to my bed, but I only wanted to make you understand, what possibly this whole infatuated love or fondness was, and how truly it was meant to work righteously to its perfection.

There's this picnic, have fun!, enjoy right now, it does not matter how you get involved or even take this in the near future, and make it work for both of us. Rejoice to this very moment - that's all it matters as of now.

We had a good time. The hug that we had, when you left, left me in questions. A kiss due, still. - Anonymous

SICK DIGGING - Pang Of Pity

“Not forever does the bulbul sing in balmy shades of bowers, Not forever lasts the spring, nor ever blossom the flowers. Not forever reigneth joy, sets the sun on days of bliss, friendships not forever last, they know not life, who know not this.” - Khushwant Singh, "Train to Pakistan"

"The moon seems tonight an intelligent creature. Look at sky how it listens. Stars stars everywhere, just doing being wonderful passionate watching."

A telltale smile of an absolutely monstrous thrill of remorseless guilt and impunity must cling to these goebbelian rats. Proud of their eugenicism and strictures , sending counter culture to feint, a deceit. Epitomizing the colossal failure of the prying peeing. One of the most obvious and atrocious reasons, there fighting, for' is "their sick digging for - "a satisfying pang of pity".

Of all the things I ever lost, persona of self-representation by that horrid, nightmare of weasel's double cross is by far the most terribly adorned & envelope. If only I could lighten up the dizziness of this tragic, terrified purge. How I loath to thee raging rape of the nimbly pretentious kiss faced.

Every single person who had ever crossed paths with them, onetime overly precious worm-tongue, would have been treated like a deadly bacillus, every single one, night or day.

I felt mortified, and wanted these bastards to suffer death pangs.I wish I could then & there give them a death blow with my leng. I so wished that this poisonous massacre was over soon & done away with.

"I returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all". 

Phenomena compel to exhibit tendencies to be commensurated with innate capacity, with a considerable element of unpredictably. This is a parody, but not a very gross one. Dissolving into the vague phrases - this had to be so, tabulating ones thoughts away from concreteness. The syllables of imaginary vague & vivid images revolving around with outcrops occurring here and there gummed together like long strips of words into a sheer humbug of prose & parody - Anonymous

Blossom Over You II

Nowhere, from - it started, all out of the blue, and now I am stuck on thee, drooling, thinking too much on the fate of thy glue. How am I suppose to be normal,for there's already a lot of energy burned, trying not to ignite, the lure for you. You are just a random one, I console myself with. It won't go long, I foresee fate. Troubled mate.

So overwhelming it is, falling in trap of finding soneone that you would like to date, probbaly mate. Let us leave it on destiny, love or hate. Promise me you would not keep me hung in between there. Even the hair on my arms are in a fancyful fright with goose bumps of excitement and shivers so high. I can feel them right now, you see, when I tell you this. I am only wanting to have a close acquaintence or more, if you wish.

Hold you under the drizzled sky, I may, wet drenched unsorted unkempt we both... sure about that, yes, I say. Anguished thirst, hungry quench, sipping a coffee from the same cup, even a candy stick we together lick. Sitting on thy bench. I warn you, don't laugh, don't eww that or call it sick. Let it pour in more as much it could be, you and me, outpour thy everything and thee let it flee free.

Intuitive, ready by all means, with reluctant confessions, and straightforward approaches. That might or not, work between us, yes I am aware. Creep in oh cupid lemme fall in for thee, unless... thy shall not know how lovely it be.

Excited me, curious I am, to find a stranger, in the world full of sham. In a hopeless hope to confide to you my friend, a new one yes I say, glad have found you oh never go, please stay.

Familiar it all feels and sounds so same. You only change the name,the tag remains the same. More then once, I had fallen in for souls, they thought I was there prey. Few promised true love, my beloved they said!

My cravings for you shall unleash in no time. I wont ask if I could hug you or put my lips on you, smell you, touch you, feel you. Staring at you with emotions so rare. With you beside me, anything I could dare. I promise you one thing, I won't even be there, if you dont want it to be I will go from here. Can I snuggle, could I creep, to your familiar heartbeat to my ear. fondle you with love oh my dear. Hold me, its been a while, since I felt a soul so close and near. Mesmerize me, make me yours as much as I make you mine.

You be my garden, let me blossom over you. Lets put an end to all thee whine, May this compassion oh Lord on us shine. - Anonymous

Blossom Over You I

Destined to meet, are we, am I to someone new,or maybe an old soul that has been reluctant to forgive the uneasy fate that prolonged and build the walls around. Once a lover now not even a acquaintance.

Though I fear' to fall for a new one, in all hopes of satisfying to the fullest thy unknown, I for a moment, this, rejoice for there might not be a longer one, destined - between you and me, still, I go on. go on! From knowing to the known...

Once again in circles a story prepared. A bait all set to be slaughtered, this time for real.

Readily available to be baited caressed and loved. raped, mated but not hated. You only live once,atleast let me have some beautiful memories worthy to call my own, of my own - With you in the picture frame, not lone.

The playful memoirs haunt me now and then. How it was then? In awe to the blessed moments that stayed for a while. So close yet strangely far, some tides low and high. Oh I breathe in. and out with a sigh.

"I so wish! No harm in trying. Maybe it works"!

In between knowing thee and unknowing thy, with questions those have no answers of how and why. trying to mend gaps and again build walls, thy calls no more to me a friend. thee who once had been love-struck to thy cemented piles of bricks that used to have a narrow escape through which the light passed. Peeping from it thy snuggled into my heart. Now it stands deserted erected dusky dull dry in vein... for there grows no life, there passes no soul around. All there says emptiness with pain so bound.

Trying to start everything from a scratch, haunts you with past. memoirs dipped in nostalgia, thee faded away days back, flash again and mourn. This moment you hope could cherish and build houses of fondness and longing, unconditionally with no mindset of agendas prepared, acts dared, skin bated, choices paired, struggling with a communication, just to make sure you were not once again unheard wrongly and smeared with attempts of insanity and quarrelsome end geared.

"Let me fall for you & Let you fall for me".

Strangers will be strangers, unless you fall for them and make sure you are fallen for. Not hard it is to ridicule yourself on pity of a devastated life. Of sorrowful bad tastes and believing in what you thought you did best. On you oh my Lord I have always left the rest.

I might be a misfit and shall have a company alike, but never-mind I shall not be a loner, laugh sing play dance with a partner in crime. - Anonymous

Drizzle Over Me II

"Where do all the lonely hearts go - Lost in a dream?"

I want to write you a poem every day until my hand breaks and assure you that you’ll find your place - Lucas Regazzi

I lie back, humming no lie, soundly grounded, gently poised...waking up to thee folklore, a fairy-tale shelved to thy, secretly admired in a way - why? .Oh dream - one of the best thing you happened to be. Oh dream. My dream...so madly deeply blindly in love with you ' me. If at all I leave you and go, never hymn to, finding ear no more, to sing to. Promise me, you won't never cry. You, oh beloved, for eternity mine. hidden to thee, cherished... I flee to the heaven of ecstasy, to the mountains of sea.
Better off this way' Oh dream. The best thing happened to thy Oh dream, only mine, in love with you madly blindly deeply thy. Till eternity remain mine. Hidden to thee, cherished & flee to the heaven of ecstasy, to the mountains of sea.

A ray of hope, shining thee light, twinkled, confiscated by clouded moonlit sky making way to a hallucinated fright. Path shown taken charge a picture large. With folded hands to thee I bow. I saw the moon. the sun thy glow. I promise to you, when the time is right, thy shall go. For now thee stops, run no more , going with the flow...ahh this Invincible invisible glow.

"Sorry, you and me, are no match for each-other, maybe or maybe not, but 'I have my own complex flaws to reconsider', & you certainly have set of your own ".

Leach the preached practiced and breached. Rescue away from sinful dream. World is full of lunatics mean, they often stab you and make you scream. They have taken away all you had, You lure them no more, bothered no more, invisible - you 'never existed, come back to the shore.

I shall keep the crave-carvers saved for tomorrow, I don't want to sulk down to this risk of lonesome sorrow. Plentiful things - as many as there be to borrow.- Anonymous